Thursday, January 20, 2005
I got the youth part down, i'm still working on the Pastor
This is a bit different from the majority of my blogs, I am posting a prayer request. Right before Christmas I got an e-mail from a Pastor friend back home asking me to do part time youth Ministry at his church, at least that is what I thought he was asking. I didn't really know what that meant, so I didn't think much about it and I decided I'd get back to him about it. Well time went by and I still hadn't said a thing to him, but finally we talked just recently and I discovered that he wants me to actually be the youth pastor of his church. I am absolutely scared spitless! I don't know what I should do, so I am praying hard,...Whatever that means. I don't know if this is a position I should take. Its a huge opportunity, but would I be cheating the youth out of someone more qualified and more suitable for the position if I took it? Is this where God wants me? Its my dream and it could come true a lot sooner than I originally intended. I don't know if I am capable of such a task. I still have three and a half years of youth ministry training ahead of me, maybe more. What happens when one of the youth breaks an arm while I'm in charge, or when a kid tells me of his or her suicidal thoughts and I don't know how to react, or when one of the youth gets pregnant, or when I get threatened by a parent, or I don't have the support I need. What happens when a kid becomes excited in bible study, when youth reach out to their community, when someone accepts Christ for the first time, when a parent thanks me for the influence I've been. I am still a youth myself. I want to be obedient to God no matter what the call, but I still don't know what that call is. Please pray. This is the biggest decision I have ever had to make.
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
OperaKor; the band that isn't a band that your glad isn't a band
Operakor hasn't created anymore art for quite the while. for those of you who don't know, Operakor is my band. we aren't a real band, just a fake one. I guess you would call us, experimental improv acoustic heavy-metal screamo with the lightest hint of Opera. it consists of me, as lead vocalist and our two guitarists Jeremy, who sometimes does vocals as well, and Eric who sometimes bangs on a ice cream pale when we feel the need for some slammin percussion beats. we had a really awesome drummer, Nick, when we made our mockumentry back in 11th grade (hence the crazy cool dude with the hair in the photo), but thats before we moved to a more acoustic, less opera sound. One time we played in a parking lot and people threw a few nickles at us. Maybe they were aiming for our eyes. Another time we played in a elevator, only that was me and a couple other dudes. never mind, i lied, that wasn't operakor. It was still pretty funny though, we put our own money in the guitar case to make it look like people were giving us cash. it didn't work very well,...sigh, but one lady looked at us really weird and i luaghed a lung out. then they took me to the hospital and did a lung transplant so now i am ticking strong again. So yeah, this is what my friends and I do for fun when we aren't lighting things on fire or thrifting. For future fun, i hope to learn to dance like Napolean. that would be flippin awesome, and would make all my dreams come true.
Hugged by nail pierced hands
My goodness, I miss Tina so much some times. Its hard to believe that we've been apart for over 4 months, yet I still miss her so much. Some things in life are really hard to understand. I think its pretty clear that Tina and I had to break up in order to put Christ first, but the thing I don't understand is why does it have to hurt so bad? Why do I still struggle at putting Christ first. For far to long, I have been seeking my own ways of escaping my hurt, but they only bring me deeper into the pit of despair. Like the prodigal son, I realize that I must run back to my Father. This is what blows me away, as I run towards him, my feet pounding the dust, tired and weary, through the dirty and knotted hair that hangs draping over my eyes, I see him running towards me.
20"So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long distance away, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him. --Luke 15:20
Why would he run to me, I am supposed to be running to him, pleading for mercy. Instead he runs to me, and hugs me, his nail- scarred hands pulling me close. I don't understand how God could ever love me that much, but though I don't understand it, I am drawn to it. I want to serve my Lord. Though I so often fail, I will get up again, brush the dirt away and follow him.
Once Peter betrayed Jesus, his Lord, while he hung on the cross. Like Peter, We too have betrayed Christ. Though Jesus has already appeared to him and the other disciples twice, it was a morning that Peter was out fishing with some of the other disciples that Peter truly was changed by Christ. I don't know what it was that drew Peter out to fish that morning, A speaker at school thought maybe he was returning to his old career of being a fisherman once again. Perhaps he thought that since he had failed at being Christ's Fisher of Men, maybe he could at least reel in a few fish. Since he had betrayed Christ, three times no less, maybe he thought he wasn't good enough for Jesus' service anymore. I don't know, but this I do: Jesus thought differently. He stood on the beach of Galilee that morning and looked out on a boat in the distance filled with his exhausted disciples.
5He called out, "Friends, have you caught any fish?"
"No," they replied.
6Then he said, "Throw out your net on the right-hand side of the boat, and you'll get plenty of fish!" So they did, and they couldn't draw in the net because there were so many fish in it.
7Then the disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, "It is the Lord!" When Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he put on his tunic (for he had stripped for work), jumped into the water, and swam ashore. 8The others stayed with the boat and pulled the loaded net to the shore, for they were only out about three hundred feet.[c] 9When they got there, they saw that a charcoal fire was burning and fish were frying over it, and there was bread.
10"Bring some of the fish you've just caught," Jesus said. 11So Simon Peter went aboard and dragged the net to the shore. There were 153 large fish, and yet the net hadn't torn.
12"Now come and have some breakfast!" Jesus said. And no one dared ask him if he really was the Lord because they were sure of it. 13Then Jesus served them the bread and the fish.--John 21:5-13
Then as they had ate there fill of bread and fish and sat around the fire enjoying the company of their friend and their Lord as they had not long ago, Jesus asked Peter a question...
15After breakfast Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?"
"Yes, Lord," Peter replied, "you know I love you."
"Then feed my lambs," Jesus told him.
16Jesus repeated the question: "Simon son of John, do you love me?"
"Yes, Lord," Peter said, "you know I love you."
"Then take care of my sheep," Jesus said.
17Once more he asked him, "Simon son of John, do you love me?"
Peter was grieved that Jesus asked the question a third time. He said, "Lord, you know everything. You know I love you."
Jesus said, "Then feed my sheep.--John 21:15-17
The reason that I give this passage is that Peter just like you and I, like the prodigal son, had blown it. He retreated back to his familiar and comfortable life of fishing, thinking that I am no longer good enough for Christ. But that is when Christ gave him his mission. "Feed my sheep." The truth is that no mater what we've done, what road we've traveled, what we've been through, Jesus wants us back. In times of hardship, its easy to run in the wrong direction. In Peter's tough spot, he denied Christ. My tough situation here is not being able to call the girl I love my own any longer, and like Peter, I have denied Christ with my lifestyle. I have pursued false comforts from the pain separate from his true comfort. I have ignored his voice and I have lived for myself. But like Peter, Christ is telling me, "feed my sheep" and like the Prodigal son, God is running to me with open arms.
Peter lived a pretty rough life from that point on. He suffered for the sake of Christ. The thing is, he rejoiced in his suffering, and never denied his lord again. Our lives will be rough as well, that's just the nature of living. We still must rejoice in the pain, stop worrying what the future has in store, and put our trust in the one who knows us better than we do. Run to him as he runs to you.
I'm not above trying to understand, I'm not above trying to take your hand, I'm not above, I'm not above....You know me better than I do, it's better if you lead the way!--Further Seems Forever (the best band ever)
20"So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long distance away, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him. --Luke 15:20
Why would he run to me, I am supposed to be running to him, pleading for mercy. Instead he runs to me, and hugs me, his nail- scarred hands pulling me close. I don't understand how God could ever love me that much, but though I don't understand it, I am drawn to it. I want to serve my Lord. Though I so often fail, I will get up again, brush the dirt away and follow him.
Once Peter betrayed Jesus, his Lord, while he hung on the cross. Like Peter, We too have betrayed Christ. Though Jesus has already appeared to him and the other disciples twice, it was a morning that Peter was out fishing with some of the other disciples that Peter truly was changed by Christ. I don't know what it was that drew Peter out to fish that morning, A speaker at school thought maybe he was returning to his old career of being a fisherman once again. Perhaps he thought that since he had failed at being Christ's Fisher of Men, maybe he could at least reel in a few fish. Since he had betrayed Christ, three times no less, maybe he thought he wasn't good enough for Jesus' service anymore. I don't know, but this I do: Jesus thought differently. He stood on the beach of Galilee that morning and looked out on a boat in the distance filled with his exhausted disciples.
5He called out, "Friends, have you caught any fish?"
"No," they replied.
6Then he said, "Throw out your net on the right-hand side of the boat, and you'll get plenty of fish!" So they did, and they couldn't draw in the net because there were so many fish in it.
7Then the disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, "It is the Lord!" When Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he put on his tunic (for he had stripped for work), jumped into the water, and swam ashore. 8The others stayed with the boat and pulled the loaded net to the shore, for they were only out about three hundred feet.[c] 9When they got there, they saw that a charcoal fire was burning and fish were frying over it, and there was bread.
10"Bring some of the fish you've just caught," Jesus said. 11So Simon Peter went aboard and dragged the net to the shore. There were 153 large fish, and yet the net hadn't torn.
12"Now come and have some breakfast!" Jesus said. And no one dared ask him if he really was the Lord because they were sure of it. 13Then Jesus served them the bread and the fish.--John 21:5-13
Then as they had ate there fill of bread and fish and sat around the fire enjoying the company of their friend and their Lord as they had not long ago, Jesus asked Peter a question...
15After breakfast Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?"
"Yes, Lord," Peter replied, "you know I love you."
"Then feed my lambs," Jesus told him.
16Jesus repeated the question: "Simon son of John, do you love me?"
"Yes, Lord," Peter said, "you know I love you."
"Then take care of my sheep," Jesus said.
17Once more he asked him, "Simon son of John, do you love me?"
Peter was grieved that Jesus asked the question a third time. He said, "Lord, you know everything. You know I love you."
Jesus said, "Then feed my sheep.--John 21:15-17
The reason that I give this passage is that Peter just like you and I, like the prodigal son, had blown it. He retreated back to his familiar and comfortable life of fishing, thinking that I am no longer good enough for Christ. But that is when Christ gave him his mission. "Feed my sheep." The truth is that no mater what we've done, what road we've traveled, what we've been through, Jesus wants us back. In times of hardship, its easy to run in the wrong direction. In Peter's tough spot, he denied Christ. My tough situation here is not being able to call the girl I love my own any longer, and like Peter, I have denied Christ with my lifestyle. I have pursued false comforts from the pain separate from his true comfort. I have ignored his voice and I have lived for myself. But like Peter, Christ is telling me, "feed my sheep" and like the Prodigal son, God is running to me with open arms.
Peter lived a pretty rough life from that point on. He suffered for the sake of Christ. The thing is, he rejoiced in his suffering, and never denied his lord again. Our lives will be rough as well, that's just the nature of living. We still must rejoice in the pain, stop worrying what the future has in store, and put our trust in the one who knows us better than we do. Run to him as he runs to you.
I'm not above trying to understand, I'm not above trying to take your hand, I'm not above, I'm not above....You know me better than I do, it's better if you lead the way!--Further Seems Forever (the best band ever)
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