A single thought

I was in two of my best friends weddings this summer, and went to a couple more.

With a nauseous stomach and two smiling faces, some friends informed me they are expecting their second child.

Every time I open facebook, it seems that someones status has changed to "engaged".

In light of all this, I have spent a considerable amount of time lately eating wedding cake, as well as contemplating the life of the single adult.

As I stood on stages in uncomfortable shoes and rented tuxes watching my friends gazing intently into the eyes of the women they will spend the rest of their lives with, I couldn't help but feel as if there was something wrong with me. Am I not good enough? Am I faulty, immature? Am I worth some one's time? Next, I felt a sense of urgency. Boy I got to get on the ball. I am falling behind. I better find my "other half." But now I ask myself this question: Why? Why is it so important to get hitched?

Single has become such a loaded word. "Single" often translates to "romantic opportunity"(i.e. "She's cute and single, go for it!). Instantly a persons identity is found in his or her availability rather then in their character and purpose. I often feel as if my maturity is being sized up by my relationship status as well. Whether intended or not, I can't help but feel as though when people back home ask, "So, are you seeing anyone right now?" it is no different then if they were to ask, "So, have you grown up yet?"

In a culture that has demonized the single life, I began to realize that I have bought into many of the lies...along with the rest of the church. Singleness is often viewed as a trap to escape rather then a gift to appreciate while it lasts, or a calling to embrace for life. I laughed (a sad laugh) to myself when I recently visited a well know christian singles website only to discover that it is sponsored by eHarmony as if to say, "There is still hope!"

It is fairly easy to recognize the gift of married life. One pastor explained that marriage is God's way of helping us understand what it means for God to live in perfect community with Himself (Father, Son and Holy Spirit), as well as to teach us about the love between Christ and his bride, the church. Likewise, one of my pastor friends preached one Sunday from Genesis, pointing out that the only thing that wasn't good before the fall of man, was that man was alone. I find this fascinating. Adam walked in the garden with God, yet he was created with a need for relationship with other people. In essence, marriage is all about community.

So while marriage is all about community, singleness is all about...community. I will say flat out that I hate the term "single". It implies being alone, but no man is an island to himself. Whether married or not, we were created for community. God calls us to himself and into his church. In a sinless world, where man met face to face with God, he still had a need. That need was community with people. Our community is the Church.

Yet it isn't a struggle for most singles to recognize that they need people, the problem is when that truth is skewed: the lie, "When I meet the right person, then I will be fulfilled," or "If only I weren't single, then I would be happy." It's this problem of putting all our hope in one person. I have dated a couple of very wise, very kind, and very godly women, but no person could ever fulfill the deep longings of my heart. I long to wander through the garden with my creator, feeling the grass between my toes, the sun on my face. To breathe in the lilac sweetened air and learn from the One who knows me better then I do. I am not single, I am the bride of Christ, walking through the garden with Him, and the rest of the church walks with us.

Just as being married opens a person's eyes to see and understand God in ways others can't, being single opens opportunities to see and understand God and this world in ways that a married person can't. One of my favorite books is "Who's Child is This?" by Bill Wilson, the story of the the beginnings of Metro Ministries in Brooklyn, New York. Bill started a Sunday school ministry to 22,000 children who would have never heard Jesus name outside a swear word; children who hear gunshots and screaming more often then laughter and singing. Children who know what it means to be hungry, and how it feels to be hit. Bill has loved kids in a neighborhood where he has been stabbed and had his face bashed with a brick. He lives right amongst the people he has chosen to love and serve, rather then in the safety and comfort of the suburbs. He is surrounded by violence as he lives ministry. A tough question can be asked: how would Bill's life and ministry look if Bill was married and had children? I am not saying that at no time would it be appropriate for a family to live in this type of neighborhood and minister there, these are the type of questions couples must decide together, but a single person has more freedom to go where the need is without concern for the safety of family.

Paul puts it this way to the Corinthians,

"I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife—and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband."--1st Corinthians 7:32-34

To be married is a blessed and rewarded life, a special gift from God. It is time for the church to embrace and recognize singleness as a blessed gift as well. Singleness is not a disease that needs to be cured. Rather, God is using brave single men and women to "cure" broken people with his love.

Clear skies and sunny

It appears I will indeed be spending one more year in Canada! My study permit still has not come, and I have had no luck with any phone calls, but my dad and I swung on over to the Canadian Border crossing today to see if they had any thoughts. I talked with Jerry for a bit (good ol' Jerry, I like that guy) and he gave immigration a call for me. It turns out that as long as I carry my old permit and a copy of my receipt for the new one with me, that should be sufficient until the real deal arrives. Beautiful!

As long as we are on the topic of God's provision, I am now the owner of a car, a 99 Mitsubishi Galant. I have named him tentatively Quick Silver. I know, I know...I haven't had the best of luck with cars, The General's engine ceased on me, and his rear suspension fell out...as I was driving. Ol' Blue would die in the middle of intersections, and Death Cab For Cutie had no breaks. Then there was mom and dad's car that I crashed into an abandoned van parked facing me in my lane on an icy country road with its lights off (WTCrap!). But I remain hopeful with Quick Silver. Once I drove him home, ...he died, but he now has a brand new battery and is puring Gallantly (ha!, get it Galant-Gallantly...).

Quick is in good condition which according to Carfax.com means he is worth about $2,990. The people I bought Quick from were selling him for $2,500, and were prepared to come down to $2,250 (already a steal). Not knowing how much Quick was worth, and knowing I couldn't afford more then $2,000 I made the offer, and they accepted. It wasn't until I was home that I realized how blessed I was to get such an amazing deal. Those car keys were prayed into my hands. God provides.

Slight Chance of Rain

I am afraid I have some unfortunate news to share with you all. You see, I died yesterday in a tragic vacuum cleaner accident. I know, really sucks....

No, just kidding (August Fools!) I am alive and well, but I do have some potentially bad news. There is a slight chance I may not be able to go to Providence College this year. I know, bummer, eh--but far better then being dead, I gotta say.

Let me fill you in on my current state of being, and how I came to this realization:

I had returned from an amazing summer in Arkansas, stretched and challenged, and full of God's grace, a few fun stories, and a heart ready to look at life with new eyes. I also came home with a question...

"Mom, Dad, did my study permit come in the mail yet?"

At the end of last school year, I had to renew my Canadian study permit, being that I am returning as the not so common fifth year senior (permits are only good for four years, I guess). The permit has not yet come in the mail...it should have come 2 months ago. I don't think I will be allowed to start school without a valid study permit.

I have made a couple calls, and in order to check on the status of my permit, my Client ID number is needed. Here is where it gets really messy. When I look at the study permit I received four years ago as a beardless, trembling kneed freshman, someone forgot to fill in the blank that says "Client ID #" which means I have no clue what that number is.

To be honest with you, I have no idea how serious this is, or if this situation can be remedied easily.

This summer, one of the talks we gave was on Mark 4:35-41. In this passage, Jesus is with his disciples in a boat in the middle of a storm. The water is beating down, the wind is ripping at their skin, their clothes are drenched and plastered to their bodies. Waves crash against them as they cling to anything they can, fearful that they will be swamped. And then there is Jesus. Asleep. Utter chaos; complete peace. The disciples are like, "Teacher, don't you care if we drown?!?"

Then Jesus blows them away by calming the storm with his own voice.

But the most intriguing part of the story is how Jesus responds to his disciples. "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?"

Unbelievable--the disciples have this near death experience and Jesus is asking them where their faith is at, why they are afraid. Deadly storm...I'm thinking I would be a bit uneasy as well.

But the question makes more sense when we put it in this context.

God was in the boat.

Jesus created the rain, those waves, that wind. He created the storm. He was with the disciples in the utter chaos, and he was at total peace. God was in the boat, and he is greater then the storm.

This week has been stressful and exhausting, with all the uncertainties that come wrapped in a silly piece of paper and a few numbers that seem to hold my future in their grasp. I have worried as I think of the possibility of not being able to walk the graduation aisle with some of my dearest friends this year, and not having the opportunity to room with one of my best friends. But the truth is that God holds my future in his hands, not a study permit and ID number. I have been telling young people that God is with them in their storms all summer long, and now He has given me this opportunity to remember that He is with me in this boat. God's hands are present in this storm, and it is His voice that will see me out of it. I may not know what the other side looks like yet, but it is far greater then I could ever imagine.

So, this may be nothing. It's possible it could all be settled by tomorrow. Yet there is the ever so slight chance that this could keep me from college. Whatever the case, I am choosing to trust the one who is at peace in all storms, and would appreciate your prayers.

Blessings

"May God Bless you with discomfort at easy answers, half truths, and superficial relationships, so that you may live deep within your heart.

May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people, sot that you may work for justice, freedom and peace.

May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation, and war, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and to turn their pain into joy.

May God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world, so that you can do what others claim cannot be done.

And the Blessing of God Almighty, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, be upon you and remain with you forever.

Amen."

--a Franciscan blessing

Lord, fill my heart with desire for you

"I have had at times such delicious thoughts on the Lord, I am ashamed to mention them."-- Brother Lawrence

Seeing God

God has been stretching me in ways I did not expect this summer. I knew I would be taken out of my comfort zone, but I did not know that God would begin to stir questions deep in my heart; radical questions...soul questions.

One thing that God is revealing to me this summer is how deceitfully wicked my heart is. I know that is a sentence most people wouldn't have seen coming...

"What did God teach you this summer as a staff for YouthWorks?"

--"That I am deceitfully wicked."

"...oh."

That just doesn't seem to be the number one response to that question. But this is the message that God is placing in my heart.

Every four evenings a week, I share God's word through talks with youth. This is my job whether my heart and mind are in the right place or not.

When I was working as a part time youth pastor, I never fully grasped what God was trying to teach me in that time, but I think I am beginning to see some of that now. I think one reason I could never stand to be called "Pastor Tyler" when I worked at the church in Warroad was because somewhere deep down I couldn't stand to recognize that a deceitfully wicked man was given the responsibility of speaking truth into the lives of young people. I felt I had no right.

Matthew 5:8 stings when I read it, "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God." It hurts because where does that leave those with dirty hearts; people like me? It leaves us blinded to God. Our eyes, hearts, minds become so focused on the dirt and the clutter that it is all we see--its all we want to see. How can I help others see God if I am blinded to him?

There are some very obviously impure things that blind us to God, but then there are those things that are pure until we let them have a thrown in our life before God. Matt Chandler reminds us that Paul in Philippians 3:8 counts all things rubbish that don't give us more of Christ. God has been calling me to examine what is on the thrown of my heart. If my heart isn't pure, and if I am not seeking Him, then I am not seeing God. And the scary thing is that I and a lot of people think we are seeing God when we really aren't. Our hearts are to wicked to see Him, and we can be deceived into thinking we know Him when we really don't. I referenced Matthew 7:21-23 in an earlier post, and I reference it again because this is what God is stirring in my heart, "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven." It scares me to know that it is possible to think I know Christ, to think I have experienced Him, but to not truly know Him or see Him because my heart is impure, and disobedient. It scares me to think that I invite the creation onto the thrown of my life before the Creator. Have I ever truly put the Creator first, or have I just pretended to. Have you? I pray that I truly know Him; that I haven't made up a fake god that satisfies me, but isn't real. I pray that you know him too.

I know that I can't see or know God fully this side of Heaven, His face is now but a poor reflection until that day I see Him face to face when I am fully reconciled to my king. But I now believe that its not possible to "just get by" with Christ. We either love and serve him as our Lord and Savior, or we don't.

We cannot save our souls, we can only give them to the God who can. A soul cannot be divided, we either give ourselves to Him or we don't.

My heart is deceitfully wicked, keeping me from seeing and knowing God the way I could. I want to humble my heart, surrender my sin, turn from all wickedness, and seek his face. I want to be pure. I want to see God.

"Then if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and restore their land."--2 Chronicles 7:14

Carrot Top and Chris Martin do not look alike

Here are a few of the people I have been told I look like this summer:


Pre-Haircut:
"You look like Jesus"--(though Jesus is not Scandinavian and we really have no clue what he looks like)
"You look like Moses from the Prince of Egypt."--(Once again Moses wasn't Scandinavian...and I'm not a cartoon...but I'll take that comparison.")
"You look like Carrot top."--(hey now, don't be saying things like that)
"You look like Shawn White" --(I am a very pathetic snowboarder...and landed on my back trying to ollie a skate board once)


Post-Haircut:
"You look like the guy from "Twenty Eight Days Later"."--(Just because we are both skinny and have bad hair cuts does not mean we look alike)
"You look like Ryan Seacrest"-- (Seriously? Really?)
"You look like Chris Martin from Coldplay"--(I'm OK with this. He is brilliant...and married to Gwyneth Paltrow)

Arkansas Favorites

Favorite Arkansas words:

Y'all-- as in; "Y'all can go to Sonic for a smoothie during free time if you bring an adult leader and at least one other participant with you."

Fixin-- as in; "I'm eight, fixin on nine" (this example is taken from a girl at VBS today) or "I'm fixin on eatin me some craw fish."

Warsh-- as in "Go throw your clothes in the warsh." or "Go get warshed up for supper."

MY favorite YouthWorks pastimes:

Licking gummy bears, sticking them to the ceiling fan, and then turning it on and seeing how far they fly. (Don't worry, I clean up after myself).

Playing "Hey Cow!" on our way to and back from Mt. Magazine and Fort Smith (For those who don't know this game, when passing a field of cows, you roll down your window and yell, "HEY COWWWWWW!!!!!" as loud as you can repeatedly in an effort to see how many cows you can get to look at you).

Throwing lake weeds on Kevin's back at Cove lake and seeing how many I can get on him throughout the evening without him noticing.

Smoothies at Sonic. Sonic is a beautiful thing.

Favorite YouthWorks moments:

Adult leaders who ask to pray for me.

Washing others feet and praying over them.

When youth come up to me and ask, "can I talk to you for a minute?" and share their pains struggles, hopes and dreams, and then having the opportunity to pray with them.

peaking into my "Happy Fun Note bag", and reading the encouraging notes.

Putting notes into others "Happy Fun Note" bags.

Asking Youth about their goals and dreams.

Playing Ultimate frisbee in the pouring rain. Wonderful.

Leading talks every evening. I love it! This could never grow old for me.

When a group buys me a Sonic smoothie. delicious.

Listening to the sniffles of the snotty noses and the sobs of teens who are broken before God as their feet are washed by their adult leaders and they begin to understand what it meant for their Creator to wash the feet of sinful men. I have never witnessed anything so beautiful.

Lord, Lord?

This summer has been full of new and exciting experiences. So far I've, swam in a mountain lake once a week, hiked a mountain, swallowed two live earth worms, relearned how to do a flip off the diving board, got a Mohawk (another post for another time), seen a tarantula, learned how to line dance, and chopped wild bamboo from someone's yard. These are all fun experiences that make great stories, but the real rewards come in the relationships made. the special moments are in praying with youth after something has just clicked in them and they have seen God, those still, soft moments when God points out something in my own life that I need to work on, and in those moments when I share conversations with others in which God speaks to my heart. As I go into my sixth week of participants coming to our site here in Booneville Arkansas, I want to write about an adult leader from our very first week who blessed my life. Every week we have amazing people here. Every week I get to see God in others, but I am a simple man with a simple mind...it doesn't take me long to forget names even of the beautiful people I've met this summer. Sam is an exception. I have loved all of the people who have come through Booneville this summer, and I pray that God will work in each of their lives. With close to 60-70 participants each week, there are bound to be some who "don't get it". I can say this, because I know at times, I was one of them (and often, I still am). Those people that view their trip as a vacation rather then an experience preparing them to better live as Christians through seeing practical ways to live out our faith through loving service, and taking that home with them. Sam was different. Sam was an adult leader who jumped at the opportunity to share the hope that he has found in Christ. We were painting bathrooms in a park, Sam walked up to complete strangers and shared his faith with them. He challenged the youth to do the same. He lived the example. I don't believe these were nothces on a spiritual belt, but rather an obedient heart to God's prompting. Sam and I had a bond, we both love a preacher named Paul Washer. Paul's sermons have challenged both Sam and I to look at our faith in very new ways. Paul speaks on what it means to be a Christian, and how we can know we are saved. Many North American Christians base their faith in their salvation on a prayer they have prayed one time, rather then the fruit that is evident in their lives. I know that I too have fallen to this fault. Paul says that we cheapen our salvation to make it look like a flu shot...pray a prayer once, and we are set; like an eternal vaccine. But I don't think this meshes well with scripture. It doesn't matter if we know Christ, what matters is that he knows us. Matthew 7:21-23 says,

21"Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' 23Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!'

The key is that we live a life that is submisive to the will of the Father. We are not saved by our good works, rather the way we live is evidence of the relationship we have with Christ. Paul uses this analogy. If he walked up to me and said that he just got hit by a cement truck, but he didn't have a scratch on his body, I would have to assume that he is either insane or lying. So then how is it that someone can say they have met God (who is much larger and a much harder hit then a cement truck), yet walk this life with no evidence of his presence in thier life? Perhaps they are mistaken. I believe a sad truth that we must abolish in our country is that their are many who believe they know Christ, and that Christ know's them, yet their hearts are far from him and they are lost.

Sam got it. He knows the purpose of his service, he knows who he serves, and he knows the hope he has...and he shares it with anyone who has ears to listen. This is evident because he lives it.

I pray that my heart will be in tune with Gods, that I will remember why I am here this summer, that I will surrender myself to the Father, that I will live a life of obedience and repentence. The condition of ones heart is what shows one to be a Christian, not simply a prayer said once upon a time.

Who He Is

This is a trustworthy saying:

If we die with him,

we will also live with him.

If we endure hardship,

we will reign with him.

If we deny him,

he will deny us.

If we are unfaithful,

he remains faithful,

for he cannot deny who he is.

- 2 Timothy 11-13

T

I have been in Booneville with YouthWorks for four weeks now and have yet to write about it. Part of this is my lack of time, but the other is that it is so hard to know where to begin. God is stretching, teaching, and blessing me in so many amazing ways that it feels overwhelming every time I consider sitting down and sharing. I've decided that my first few posts will be about a few of the relationships I am making here in Booneville and with the participants who come each week. YouthWorks is all about seeing Christ in others, and God is blessing me with beautiful relationships this summer. He is showing himself to me. (I've changed some names for privacy's sake)

I want to tell you about T. T is one of the first few people I met here in Booneville and we became quick friends. T is a thirteen year old boy with a developmental disability. Though none of us know for sure what his disability is, we think it may be a form of autism along with attention deficit disorder. Everything about T screams out his love for life, and for people. He is constantly smiling. He calls me "Buddy", and when he sees others he points at me or puts his arm around me and says, "That's my buddy". Like many young guys, he likes to play guns....but T likes it to the extreme. The other day he "held up" one of the adult leaders, and every now and then he lops off a participants head with an imaginary knife. We are trying to cut back on some of the violent imagery T constantly carries with him, but I did laugh the other day when after telling T I have a force field so he can't shoot me, he came up behind me, opened the back door to my force field and got me with a knife. The back door to my force field sounds a lot like a squeaky screen door apparently.

One of my favorite T moments happened in Church one Sunday. T loves hugs, putting his arm around you and the such, so in church I hardly noticed while T played with my hands--that is until I looked down and realized that T was putting my hand on Kevin's thigh. This was probably the closest I have ever come to screaming in church.

T's family doesn't have a lot of resources. There house is without electricity simply because they can't pay the bills. They don't have lots of food. One day when T was playing at the church with me, he brought a few toy guns. T is very creative, he makes a lot of his own guns out of sticks, and little things lying around, and he does a dang good job. T gave me one of his nice plastic toy guns and told me to keep it at the church where I am staying. It touched my heart knowing that it was probably one of only a few toys that T may have at home, and he wanted me to keep it for him. He also gave me a toy robot to stand guard for us. It is currently keeping guard over our big Astro Van, Pierre (named for the lovely stenciling that resembles a French mustache on its hood).

I am hoping that T and I can teach each other as we befriend and love one another this summer. Jesus lives here in Booneville. He likes to put his arm around my shoulder, share his toys with me, and calls me buddy.

John Piper and the Prosperity Gospel

Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines,though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food,though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls,yet I will rejoice in the LORD,I will be joyful in God my Savior.--Habakkuk 3:17-18

Leaving Spiritual Bulimia to Follow the True Bread of Life

In church last Sunday my pastor spoke on Ephesians 4. Even as he spoke, I couldn't get the words from the very first verse out of my head.

As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received.--Ephesians 4:1

I had my 23rd birthday yesterday, and I asked myself a question. It may sound like a mid life crisis, but I hope that's not the case, otherwise I'm going to have a pretty short life. I asked myself what did I do in my twenty second year of life that has eternal significance in the Kingdom of God? Granted, the Lord doesn't always reveal to us what kind of impact we are making in his Kingdom, but shouldn't I at least be able to peg some significant moments of striving to make a difference? Didn't I like all other Christians receive a "Great Commission"?

Living in the US, I have many friends who have fought for our country in the Armed Forces. There are many Americans that would say they would be willing to die for our country. I wonder how many of us North American Christians would say that we are willing to die for the calling Christ has given us.

It saddens my heart when I see "Jesus is my Homeboy" t shirts, and "Jesus Saves" piggy banks, bobble head Jesus figurines, and Jesus Action Figures, because I think that it detracts from that calling. Our culture is good at seeing Jesus our friend, but falls short in seeing Jesus our Lord. Friends are people we walk alongside, and Jesus does walk with us, that is true. But our Lord, we must follow. I wonder how many of us are truly willing to follow Jesus in the difficult path he leads us on, cross weighing heavily on our back as we sweat, bleed, and follow.

I've been reading Shane Claiborne's first book, Irresistible Revolution. I am only on the second chapter, so I can't comment to much, but from what I've read, and have heard him say online; I can say that I have been greatly challenged and inspired by the hands and feet he puts to his faith. Shane writes about Christian consumerism, how there are christian books, movies, music and t shirts. There are Test-a-mints (so we don't covet our neighbor's fresh breath, perhaps?), and I have even seen in one Christian store, the "bread of life", that's right....Christian bread, coming in several different heavenly flavors. Not all of these things are necessarily bad (although, the idea of Christian bread makes me gag a little), but what Shane recognizes is that we can create this spiritual bulimia, in which we consume and consume and consume so that we have the the perfect words to say, but never truly digest it all, being left spiritually starving.

Christianity is not about the words I say. Its not about the books I read, or the music I listen too. It certainly isn't about the t-shirts I wear or whether or not the law is contained in the mints I suck on.

Its about putting the word of God into action in the things I do, in public and in private. Its about the people I serve, and the Lord I follow. Its about the love I show.

As we live out our faith, may we strive to be worthy of a holy calling from a holy Father.

Summer Plans and Prayers

Summer vacation has come again. Currently it seems more like Christmas break then Summer vacation. Strange to look out the window in April and see almost a foot of snow on the ground. much of it has melted in the last two days, but we are supposed to get more this weekend. Crazy. (JaNae be aware, these hands are snowball magnets, and it is common knowledge that little sisters are snowball targets).

This week I was offered a contract with YouthWorks (http://www.youthworks.com/) as program staff for the summer starting May 26th. I am stoked, the most amazing summer opportunity I could possibly wish for. YouthWorks is a youth missions trip Organization with 75 sites in the US, Canada, Mexico, and Puerto Rico. I can't wait to be part of something so beautiful, watching youth step out of their comfort, and learning to be the face of Christ to others, even as they see Christ in others. The YouthWorks trips I've been on have greatly formed who I have become, and I am excited to be stretched again. I know that this will be a summer to grow in trust and in discipline.

That trust is already being greatly challanged, and so I ask for your prayers in some specific areas.

First, I have already committed to speak at a youth retreat for my friend, Chris's youth group. I am pretty pumped for this opportunity too. The trouble is that the retreat ends a day before my YouthWorks training, and since I don't know where exactly I will be placed, I could really be pressed for time. Please pray that everything works out smoothly. It would be great if my training site would be within driving distance so I don't have to worry about booking a flight.

I have to get CPR and First Aid training before May 26. My small town doesn't offer the training, so I'm probably going to have to drive to Bemidji. Please pray that I can find a class and get all of that taken care of in time.

I am also in a wedding during training week. YouthWorks is ok with me leaving for the wedding, but once again, if I am on the other side of the country then the wedding, this could make things a bit difficult. I am trying to trust that God will allow everything to fall into place and work out the details. I would love if you would pray with me in this.

Lastly, this will be a very stressful, busy, and stretching summer. Please pray for my team and I. Pray that we will grow and learn as we help young people to do the same. Pray that we will obediently follow Christ in all things, and that God will use us this summer. Please pray for all the youth groups we will encounter this summer, and the community that we will be working in too. May Christ's light shine in dark places, and may glory be given to his name. I look forward to sharing stories with all of you. I know God has all of this in his hands, and I can't wait to see what he has in store. Hopefully I'll have a chance or two to post some summer highlights. I treasure your prayers. Love you all.

Death, Vanity and Valentine's Day

I feel as though I have had so much to say, yet very little time to say it these last few months, hence my lack of blogging. But another holiday has come and gone and so I will sit down long enough to share my Valetines day thoughts.

This Valentine's day I spent alot of time thinking about death and vanity. Not because I am jaded against the Holiday. I really like Valentines day. I think any excuse to express love to those people who are special to us is good in my book. No, I have been thinking about death and vanity because I have been watching a John Piper video series, "The Blazing Center", and looking at a few of his sermons (desiringgod.com, you should really check it out!) in preparation for care groups and speaking engagements, and John Piper is really messing with my mind (in a good way, I should add). The things he has said have challenged the way I look at God, and strive to please him.

One of the video series' sessions was titled "God's Vanity" and those words sitting next to each other rub me like a toddler on an ornery old cat. They make me uncomfortable.

But John Piper points out (most of the rest of this blog is his wisdom, not mine--thanks Pastor Piper!) that many Scriptures make God sound vain. God seems to have a pretty strong desire to bring himself glory. Glory is a priority to God.

Look at this passage Piper points out,

"For my own sake I defer my anger, for the sake of my praise I restrain it for you that I may not cut you off. Behold I have refined you, but not like silver; I have tried you in the furnace of affliction. For my own sake, for my own sake I do it, for how should my name be profaned? My glory I will not give to another." --Isaiah 48:9–11

When we look at passages about worship, and honor and glory being brought to the Lord, It can sound vain. But is it?

Then we read passages about Jesus bringing glory to the Father, and the Father delighting in the Son. But if the Father, the Son, and the Spirit are one, isn't this vanity?

Here are some words from Piper,

"Since the Son is the image of God and the reflection of God and the stamp of God and the form of God, equal with God, and indeed IS God, therefore God's delight in the Son is delight in himself. Therefore the original, the primal, the deepest, the foundational joy of God is the joy he has in his own perfections as he sees them reflected in his Son. He loves the Son and delights in the Son and takes pleasure in the Son because the Son is God himself.
At first this sounds like vanity, and has the feel of conceitedness and smugness and selfishness about it, because that is what it would mean if any of us found our first and deepest joy by looking at ourselves in the mirror. We would be vain and conceited and smug and selfish.”

I think of it like this: If I were to have walked up to a girl on Valentine's day, and handed here a card that said,

"Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

I'm pretty awesome,

so you should date me."

the response would be less then positive. First, I used the "Roses are red" routine.....WAY over done. Second, the poem didn't rhyme. Third, it is horribly vain, and doesn't showcase love at all.

So, the question is-- how does God's pursuit of his own glory show his love to us?

I love that John Piper uses this story to help us see this. John 11:1-5 ESV

1Now a certain man was ill, Lazarus of Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha. 2 It was Mary who anointed the Lord with ointment and wiped his feet with her hair, whose brother Lazarus was ill. 3So the sisters sent to him, saying, "Lord, he whom you love is ill." 4But when Jesus heard it he said, "This illness does not lead to death. It is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it."

5Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. 6So, when he heard that Lazarus was ill, he stayed two days longer in the place where he was.

I love that. If one of my buddies was on his death bed, I would be booking it home to be with him, especially if I knew I could heal him. I wonder what was going through Lazarus's mind. But because of Jesus' love, he stays so that the glory of God may be displayed.

John 11:32-44 says,

32Now when Mary came to where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet, saying to him, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died." 33When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled. 34And he said, "Where have you laid him?" They said to him, "Lord, come and see." 35 Jesus wept. 36So the Jews said, "See how he loved him!" 37But some of them said, "Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man also have kept this man from dying?"

38Then Jesus, deeply moved again, came to the tomb. It was a cave, and a stone lay against it. 39Jesus said, "Take away the stone." Martha, the sister of the dead man, said to him, "Lord, by this time there will be an odor, for he has been dead four days." 40Jesus said to her, "Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?" 41So they took away the stone. And Jesus lifted up his eyes and said, "Father, I thank you that you have heard me. 42 I knew that you always hear me, but I said this on account of the people standing around, that they may believe that you sent me." 43When he had said these things, he cried out with a loud voice, "Lazarus, come out." 44 The man who had died came out, his hands and feet bound with linen strips, and his face wrapped with a cloth. Jesus said to them, "Unbind him, and let him go."

A couple things strike me about Christ's love here.

First, Jesus believes that the best way to love his friends is by allowing Lazarus' death so that he can glorify the Father through raising Lazarus back to life.

Why is it that God's love is best displayed through his glory being shown? This is because God invites us into relationship with him, and John Piper points out that the best, most loving gift he can ever give us is himself. Why? because our God is perfect! He is glorious! He can't be vain because to not recognize his perfection and call us to recognize it as well would be sinful. There is nothing greater than God. God could (and does) give us any number of gifts, but putting any of those gifts before him is idolatry. Piper points out that God must bring glory to his name because to do any less would be idolatrous.

He loves us so much that he, the creator of the universe, gives us himself in all his beautiful glory! and thats what makes the next words so significant.

Jesus Wept.

What alongside Gods glory could point out his love more?

As I prepared to speak on this passage for Valentines day, I was suprised to randomly come across a Relevantmagazine.com blog that spoke of Lazarus' story in light of Valentine's day as well. wierd.

The author, Billy Roberts says,

"When Jesus shows up on the scene, what does scripture say that He does? It doesn’t say Jesus remained firm and held His emotion in. It doesn’t say that He assured people things would be fine in the future (though He knew they would be, as things would change very shortly.) It says two simple and yet unbelievably profound words, “Jesus wept.” Two short words, but they hold greatly significant truths within them." (A Valentine's day Loss, Billy Roberts)

I find this to be of amazing sigficance because Jesus hurt with them. He knew the loss they felt. Martha and Mary expected Jesus to come and stop Lazarus from dying. There desires weren’t met. Instead they felt the emptiness of death. And, I believe whether we have experienced death or not, we have all felt the pain of emptiness and unmet desires. Empty dreams, empty relationships, empty promises. Loneliness and loss.

Roberts reminds us that Jesus is there with us in our loss. Jesus stands beside us weeping in our pain. But he also longs to bring us past that pain to something great. He shows us that he has got something so much better for us; Himself. And his glory shines. He invites us to turn away from death and towards life.

Mary got it. She saw that in giving himself and revealing God's glory, Jesus gave the greatest gift he ever could. In response, six days later during a meal, she anoints Christ's feet with nard, an expensive ointment she spent a year's wages on. Judas, who was also there didn't get it. He was focused on money (a whole flippin years wages!). He didn't see that all the money in the world couldn't buy the best gift he could ever have. And that gift was sitting right there in the room with him, defending the woman who got it.

Do we get it? Jesus weeps for our pain and longs to give us so much more. Do we realize that if we are in Christ and Christ is in us, we have the beautiful glory of God in us and on us and around us and that we couldn't possibly ever have a greater gift then to be in intimate relationship with our Creator, Lord, and King?

"Delight in the Lord, For he is good! His love endures forever!"

Merry Christmas!

This morning my family will be making our annual trip to the cities to spend Christmas with our extended family. All that separates us from the laughter of family, the card games, the food, the stories and gathering together to worship a God who wrapped himself in the skin of a helpless baby is a 6-7 hour car ride. But I don't mind the car ride, in fact I enjoy it. one of our traditions is reading through all the Christmas cards and letters we have received as we make the drive. It is fun to hear the highlights of the past year for family friends we may have lost touch with over the years, and it is always exciting to hear how God is moving in working in lives. The Christmas letter has always been a bit of a big deal in this family. Dad used to have one of us kids draw the cover of the letter every year. One year he had our Uncle Steve, a cartoonist do caricatures of our family. Now that we three kids of busy schedules are, the cover of our letter rarely is original art work, but dad still tries to be "original". A big challenge every year is finding a family photo that every one can agree on. This is our Christmas Card Photo this year. I suggested it as a joke, but we went with it. This is the power of catching a family in a goofy mood. Some people will be getting the "face forward" version, but my shirt says "Unicorn, the other white meat" so, I win either way, really. This is a Christmas letter photo from before JaNae was born....

May your Christmas be more joyous then riding a kitten with your family. May we all, like Mary, Ponder the wonders of our Lord, the baby in a manger, in our hearts this Christmas season. God bless.

Evie

I would like to ask any of you who read this to pray for a precious little girl, and her family. On the 17th of Nov my Cousin Nicole and her Husband Matt were blessed with a beautiful little girl. They named her Evangeline. They soon discovered that Evie was born with a heart defect. Evie was scheduled for surgery today at Children's Memorial Hospital, but it has been postponed. As of know, I do not know when the surgery has been rescheduled to.

I am so thankful for the faith of Matt and Nicole, and that they are parents anchored in a relationship with Christ. Though this is a scary time, it is comforting to think on this little ones name, Evangeline, and how God will use this whole experience to speak to many people in a powerful way. what a beautifully powerful and appropriate name.

Please pray for Evie's surgery. that God will grant wisdom to the surgeons and guide their hands. Pray that God will grant peace and trust to Matt and Nicole in this very difficult time. Pray for grandparents, family, friends, doctors and all the people who are tied to this special little person.

if you would like to know more you can visit http://evangelinemarie.blogspot.com/

thank you for your prayers

Rubbish

Yesterday I picked up my Philosophy of Science text book, The Soul of Science; Christian Faith and Natural Philosophy. I was pleasantly surprised to discover that its actually quite an enjoyable read. As I was reading I came across this sentence, "The Bible stands firmly against any deification of the creation." I had to read the sentence again. "That doesn't make any sense." I read it once more. In my mind I was reading, "The Bible stands firmly against any defecation of the creation." I was reading it wrong. Deification, Defecation. It just shows how easily "I" can make a god out of a loud of crap.

What do we make into gods in our lives? what or whom do we worship with our time and energy? What am I placing before Christ?

What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ--Philippians 3:8

Pain Valley

Pain is a thief that robs my comfort, and reaches eagerly for my hope, but I refuse to let him take it away. There is such a struggle. I yell, "Stop! Thief!" but I am so alone. So alone with all these people.

Everything looks bleak, and nothing sounds so good as leaving everything behind and going home. but going to a home that no longer even exists, a home where I am a child again, and I have friends and family to laugh with, a place where I can run around with Nerf guns and watch cartoons and bike to the park and float homemade boats down the river.

I hurt. Is it selfish to say that?

I watched this survival show on TV. This guy is in a desert and he desperately needs to find water to survive. He finds this valley, and at the bottom of it is water. but it's stagnant and full of dead animals and filth, he'd be better off without it. and though he's in the middle of one of the hottest deserts on the planet, the water is below freezing. So he works his way down into this canyon, and now he needs to find his way out. but the walls are so steep, and he is all alone.

Why is it that in the the lowest trenches of our darkest valleys we begin to see our failures and faults even more clearly. The ice cold sludge of who we really are sloshes around our shivering bodies and we long for the warmth of the sun.

I can never return to the comforting home of my childhood (even if I could, it would be selfish to do so), and even though the warmth of the sun seems nothing but a dream, I am not alone.

I don't think there is anything quite as astonishingly beautiful as these two things; a person who willingly enters into the valley just to walk through it all with the wanderer. Second is that the Creator of the wanderer and of the valley leads the way, revealing truth as they go.

Pain steals my comfort, and he can have it. But he can't take my hope, because I know I am loved, and that one day, I will feel the sun once again.

I am a worm.

Do not be afraid, O worm Jacob, O little Israel, for I myself will help you," declares the LORD, your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel. --Isaiah 41:14

Here is the truth. I am a sinner, a coward, a liar, a cheater. I can be cruel and inconsiderate. I have hurt people I love, (indeed, those I love most) and I continue to do so. I fail and fall, and sometimes I am scared to even try getting up again. I am little. Even more then little, I am a worm.

Yet for some reason,...Christ died and rose again for the sake of humanity so that anyone who believes and calls on his name might be in relationship with him from now and until forever. This is a paradox to me. Why does the LORD desire to redeem a worm?

Matt Chandler, one of my favorite preachers, shared this verse in his message on Oct 21 (hear it at thevillagechurch.net). He talks about "the Cult of Self-esteem" the idea that "you are good, I am good, and the answer to all our woes is feeling better about ourselves and attaching Jesus name to it."

He claims there are two messages "one that says you are worthless and in need of a savior and the other one says you are so worthy, you got a savior."

Matt gives some character examples from scripture. here is a few of them.

Abraham referred to himself as dust and ashes,

John said he was not worthy of touching Christ's sandals.

Peter, as he fell to the feet of Christ said, "Depart from me, for I am a sinful wicked man."

Paul said that he is the foremost of sinners.

Notice that God doesn't respond to these men. He doesn't ever say, "Don't talk about yourself in that way." or, "I created you. You are far greater then dust and ashes in my eyes."

This sermon intrigued me, and at the same time, bothered me. I think sometimes we forget how insignificant we are in comparison to our Creator. I think at other times, we compare ourselves to the next guy, and think we are doing pretty well...only to be reminded that no one is righteous...no not one. We are all totally helpless, and 100% unworthy.

But, I am left with questions.

Are we really worthless? I am bothered to hear this said. If so, why does God send his only son to save people of no worth? We must have worth for God to willingly give up so much for our sake. God does not need us. But I believe he wants us. if we have worth for no other reason, we have worth in that the God of the universe desires to redeem us and have relationship with us. He created us in his image. When we are saved, as Matt Chandler would say, our value is in the fact that we bear evidence to God's grace.

We have nothing we can give to God that he hasn't already given us. Our worth is not in our own strength or in our own being, but in the one who made us.

I cannot praise God for the great man I am, because,...I'm not. I can praise him for the great God he is, and that he loves me despite my lowly state.

I am a worm. Yes, that is true. But I am a worm that God desires to redeem. Thank you Lord.

hug a lefty today

Today is a good day. Why? because it is August 13 today. Why is August 13th a good day? Because today is Left handers day. Some people may say that this is not fair. Those people are wrong. We live in a right handed world. Every day is the right day but only one is the left day. On average, right handed people live longer then lefties. Some of you may think this is bogus, but if you think about it, it really makes sense that righties would live lives of peace and harmony while lefties die young. Everything is designed with right handed people in mind. Where is the mouse of a computer? how many desks in schools are left handed? Lefties have to rest their wrists on the brutal spirals of notebooks as they write, every word feeling the intense pain of leftiness. what side of the machine are the buttons on a pop machine? Lefties know the anguish of the scissors. The pain is as emotional as physical. Guitars. Most are designed with the right handed person in mind. You rest your right hand on the Bible while making an oath. You place your right hand on your heart while pledging aligence. the wedding ring goes on the right hand. People shake each others right hands in greeting. the left hand is left to the dirty work. I could continue, and would continue, but I don't feel like it, and since it is my holiday, I won't. This is a dominantist world. You don't believe me? Look at this--"Right handed" and "South Paw". South Paw? Yes, we are reduced to animals! Maybe some of you are finally seeing the truth. Maybe some of you are saying, "You know Tyler, you are RIGHT" But what you really mean to say is "Tyler, you are CORRECT". Is there any justice left in this world? No, it is all right.

Condemints and the Kingdom

There was a popular commercial that came out in the mid eighties. It has been satirized in the movie Wayne's World as well as in many TV shows. It starts out with this beautiful Rolls Royce driving down a quaint country road. It comes to a stop as another Rolls Royce pulls up along side it. the back window rolls down and a man in a fine suit says with a perfect British accent, "Pardon me, would you have any Grey Poupon?"

With one ad, the way we view mustard was changed. All of a sudden mustard moves from the world of the squeeze bottle-everyday man to the high class world of the rich Grey Poupon Sophisticate.

But, I think Jesus had a different view of mustard. In Matthew 13, Jesus describes the mysteries of the Kingdom of Heaven through the use of Parables. As we look at some of these parables, specifically the parable of the mustard plant, our challenge is to ask ourselves, "How do we live as the Kingdom of Heaven here on Earth?" Matthew, 13:31-33 says,

31 Here is another illustration Jesus used: “The Kingdom of Heaven is like a mustard seed planted in a field. 32 It is the smallest of all seeds, but it becomes the largest of garden plants; it grows into a tree, and birds come and make nests in its branches.”

33 Jesus also used this illustration: “The Kingdom of Heaven is like the yeast a woman used in making bread. Even though she put only a little yeast in three measures of flour, it permeated every part of the dough.”

Shane Claiborne, in his short sermon on this passage pictures giggles from the crowd, and maybe even a few hushes directed towards Jesus as he shared these stories. We hear it said that cleanliness is next to godliness. to a Jewish person at this time, orderliness was next to holiness. The mustard plant was far from orderly. It was like a weed. It could quickly take over a garden, choking out the other vegetables. Father Thomas Keating says that a mustard plant in a household garden was forbidden.

But Jesus goes on. He tells how the birds will come and make nests in its branches. Shane Claiborne, points out how this imagery isn't anything new to this audience. They would be familiar with the Psalms and the Prophet Ezekiel speaking of the Cedars of Lebanon and the Birds resting in their branches. Ezekiel 17:22-23 says,

22 “This is what the Sovereign Lord says: I will take a branch from the top of a tall cedar, and I will plant it on the top of Israel’s highest mountain. 23 It will become a majestic cedar, sending forth its branches and producing seed. Birds of every sort will nest in it, finding shelter in the shade of its branches.

So here is an image of God making his kingdom into something great and majestic. a Cedar of Lebanon, not much different then the Great Redwood Trees of California that tourists gaze upon with awe. These people hold the image of these great Cedars in their heads, and then Jesus says that The Kingdom of Heaven is like a mustard plant. From a tall tree to a garden shrub. Not much more then a weed.

The Jewish people expected the Messiah to be a great political and military leader that would bring them their freedom. They expected a Cedar of Lebanon who would stretch out his branches, not a man who illegally plants mustard in a garden.

Ezekiel later speaks of Assyria as being once like a Cedar of Lebanon (chapter 31) with its great branches outstretched to the birds. He said all the trees in the garden of Eden were jealous of it. But because of its pride in its beauty, God cuts it down.

So what do we learn from this?

The first lesson we learn in living as the Kingdom of Heaven here on earth is that it starts small, but then it grows. And more importantly, it spreads. It stretches across the whole garden, affecting all plants in its path. It isn't majestic like the Cedars of Lebanon (that majesty we will witness in Christ's second coming). It is simple, it is common. It isn't proud.

Jesus's audience probably would be just as startled by His parable of the yeast. Throughout the old testament, on many occasions yeast is viewed as unclean, something to be avoided. it was often associated with evil. Shane Claiborne points out that Jesus spoke of the yeast of the Pharisees and Sadducees (Matthew 16). Their yeast was false teaching. And here Jesus says that the Kingdom of Heaven is like Yeast. Why?

This is our second lesson. I believe that once again Jesus is speaking of how the Kingdom of God spreads, this time showing how it permeates culture. Unlike the Pharisees yeast that was false teaching, I believe The Kingdom of Heaven's yeast is God's perfect truth.

But let us savor this mustard a bit more. Why a mustard plant? though it is a humble plant, not much more then a weed, Mustard is powerful.

Both Ray C. Stedman and Shane Claiborne share this story. Darius, king of the Persians, invaded Europe with a great army, and met Alexander the Great. To taunt Alexander, Darius sent him a bag of sesame seeds , indicating the vast multitude of soldiers he had at his command. When Alexander received this taunting gift, he sent back a bag of mustard seed to say, "You may be many, but we're tough and biting and pungent. We can handle you."

Our third Lesson is that the kingdom of heaven carries a message that is powerful, biting and pungent. But it is also flavorful. It is desirable. As Jesus said, the birds rest in its branches.

I agree with Shane Claiborne when he says that these birds are the anybodies, the fowls the crows, all those who desire to find rest in The Kingdom of Heaven.

In the next two parables, Jesus describes the Kingdom of Heaven as treasures that one is willing to sell all he owns to get a hold of, one a hidden treasure in a field and the other a pearl of great value. Looking at this passage it seems almost idolatrous. Why would someone give up everything for a treasure? He could loose so much more then just his possessions; his family, his friends, his job. It seems idolatrous until we see what this treasure is. It is the simple, perfect truth. It is a place of rest. it is powerful and pungent. It is The Kingdom of Heaven. We are a part of the Kingdom of Heaven here on earth now.

Are we living this way?

The other day I was in a bookstore in a mall in Winnipeg. The store had just opened, and the employees where walking around making sure the shelves looked just right. I was looking at a book that my eyes shouldn't have been looking at (not a very strong example of the Kingdom of Heaven here on earth) when I overheard a couple employees talking to one another. They spoke of a lady and the employee who had helped her the other day. The lady came in and asked if there was a Christian Books section. The employee brought her to the very small section, but before she left her she said, "If you are looking for a book with some real substance may I suggest you visit our sciences section." The two employees talked about how this was inappropriate, but how they had no problem with what she said. One of them, a young man said to the other, "...I mean, I have no problem with them believing what they believe. Just as long as they don't shove it on me. I don't shove my beliefs on them."

Those words stuck with me. We hold the Kingdom of Heaven in our hands. We hold the greatest treasure. A treasure worth giving up everything for. Should we not desire to share it? If we knew the only way out of a burning building, would we not share that with others, even if they were convinced the flames weren't there? Even if we were convinced they didn't want to hear it?

How do we live as the Kingdom of Heaven here on Earth?

Are we growing like mustard grows, becoming more spiritually mature as we spend time in Gods word and in prayer, and silence before him?

Are we spreading like mustard spreads, sharing the joy we have found with others, obeying the great commission of bringing God's truth to the ends of the earth, starting here and growing out?

Are we permeating culture, like yeast permeates, reaching all people in all sorts of ways through the different talents God has given each of us so that we can share his truth?

Are we a place for down trodden birds to find rest?

Are we giving up everything we own for this greatest treasure as so many of our brothers and sisters around the world have to do everyday, many giving up their lives? Or are we like the seeds that fell on rocky soil and when we are persecuted, we give it all up. Or perhaps we are the seeds that fell among the thorns and we get choked out by the distractions, and pleasures of this world.

a couple chapters earlier in Matthew Jesus speaks of John the Baptist, Matthew 11:11 says,

11 “I tell you the truth, of all who have ever lived, none is greater than John the Baptist. Yet even the least person in the Kingdom of Heaven is greater than he is!

Wow. do we believe this? John was great, but his ministry could only point to Jesus's coming. We have seen Jesus fulfill what he came to do, dieing on the cross for mankind and rising again, bring the kingdom of heaven here to earth. John could only point to the one who would bring this truth, we point to the one who has brought this truth.

Yes, mustard is flavorful. Are we? God's word says that salt that has lost its saltiness is good for nothing but trampling under foot. If you take salt and put it on a canker sore, it will sting and hurt, but it will heal. Mustard as well has been used medicinally, and mustard as well carries a bite to it. Its that pungency we've spoken of. We can live in kindness and love to others. We can taste good. But we must come with a bite. We may offend. We may anger. We may be persecuted. We must verbally share the gospel with those who don't have the great treasure we hold. because flavor without the bite just isn't mustard, and that's just not what the Kingdom of Heaven is like.

The Kingdom of Heaven isn't Grey Poupon. It's the big, yellow squeeze bottle mustard for every man and woman. So, I encourage you, please....Pass the mustard.

Broken

Don't sweat the small stuff...wear deodorant

One thing I have struggled with in my faith over my past few years in college is deciding where it is that I stand on certain issues within the church. All of those things that people seem to either have a strong opinion on one side because of several great reasons backed by scripture, or the other side because of several great reasons backed by scripture, and then the other group who doesn't have a strong opinion either way and feels horribly guilty because of it. And of course, you always have a few who really don't care. These are the issues that can't be painted as black and white as I may want them to be. Was the world created in six days? Can women lead men in a church? Are men really spiritual heads? Is their great importance in speaking tongues? Should churches be lead by a pastor? Should Christians listen to secular music? Is their such thing as secular in a world created by God? Do men and women have different gender roles? Is masturbation pure evil? Should Christians fight in and support war? Should Christians allow evil dictators to rule in this world? Is it OK for Christians to drink or smoke? Is it wrong for Christians to shop at Wall mart? Should Christians be involved in Politics?

These are some questions I have heard raised by Christians. Some of whom have opinions as strong as stone. Others who haven't a clue what to think. And those who simply don't care, and choose to stay that way. I myself have developed some pretty strong opinions in some of these areas, others I am still searching, and dare I say it, some...well...maybe I don't care as much as I should.

The thing that I have noticed as I went off to this school of many different Christian backgrounds and people from all over the world is that there is lots of different thoughts then I may find back home in my small town, Minnesota church. I've discovered that I respect many people very much on both sides of several issues. I deeply admire their faith and commitment to Christ. I also admire their desire to stand up for something they believe in.

There is one issue in particular that I have been struggling with for the past few years, desperately striving to see where I stand. I have been reading books about it, and listening to other people whom I respect share their opinions on it, and (this is really important though it seems easily forgotten, sadly) I've even read a few bible passages on it (and will continue to read more), and I thought that I had came to a conclusion...but now I am not so sure. Faith is a development, and it seems to develop rather slowly.

For the first time in my life, I am beginning to see things with different eyes then my parents (that doesn't often happen. I've always wanted to "make my faith my own" by beginning to see things in a different light then my parents, but that's really hard to do when you think your parents are generally right in what they believe). I find it rather intimidating to disagree with pastors, professors, and parents when I respect their knowledge and wisdom. But a spoon fed faith will continue in infancy until it chooses to decide what it believes on its own.

There are a few things I have learned in the struggle of finding where I stand in different issues. First. It is a big deal. Yes, I know. I'm supposed to say it really isn't a big deal, it doesn't define our faith, and that is true,...but it is still a big deal. If it wasn't a big deal, we wouldn't still be hearing sermons preached on gender roles, or news broadcasts on schools teaching intelligent design next to evolution. though these issues aren't "salvation" issues, they still are issues that greatly affect a person's faith. Some people come to faith in Christ because of the way other Christians have viewed these very issues, a view that another Christian may completely disagree with.

Second, I've learned that Christians can be brutal to each other. It is so easy to tear down another Christian who thinks differently, to belittle that person's belief (which often feels like belittling the person), or make their faith appear weak or foolish. For people who are supposed to be characterized by love, we sure throw a lot of knives at each other. And that is the scary thing. These are important issues because they are tied so closely to some Christian's faith. When we belittle a Christian for thinking differently then the way we do, we may very well be attacking something that is key in their faith, something that helped them come to Christ, or remain close to Him. And yes, they are not the most important issue. Jesus said our most important commandment is to love him, and second, to love our neighbor. It is through loving our neighbor, that we show our love to God. Instead of focusing on unity in Christ, it becomes incredibly easy to focus on disunity in opinion. This is one of the most dangerous areas for a Christian to be. Christians fighting against Christians, what could make Satan more ecstatic?

Last, I have learned that it can be easy to sit in the middle of the road, not deciding what it is I want to believe. But I don't want to do that. I feel it is important to decide where I stand. It is in the small (but still important) things that we make our faith our own. Though these issues should never separate us from others, they should none the less remain important pieces of our lives.

Paul says in Philippians 1:7 "...it is right that I should feel as I do about all of you, for you have a special place in my heart. You share with me the special favor of God, both in my imprisonment and in defending and confirming the truth of the Good News."

We as Christians hold a great truth, the truth of the Good News of Jesus Christ that we must confirm to others and fight to defend. But it is the truth of Christ that we must defend. Though the other stuff is important (and our opinions are worth defending), we are focusing on the shiny quarter sitting on a thousand dollar bill when we focus all of our energy on defending the small stuff before focusing on defending the true treasure, our unity in Christ.

So, I will push to come to my own conclusions in all areas until the day I die, not settling to be unsure. But as I do that, As Paul did before me, I will hold my brothers and sisters in Christ in a special place in my heart, remembering that they share God's special favor,...no matter who they voted for in the last election, or which kind of church they attend.

Sex

I've been thinking a lot about sex lately. I know, that doesn't sound so great. I probably should do some rephrasing, but I won't because I said what I mean. I have had sex on my mind. It really shouldn't come as a shock to anyone. We've all heard that statistic (that no one could ever really prove) that says guys think about sex every ten seconds. I don't know if it's true or not. I don't even know if guys think about sex more then girls do. God created man and woman with sex in mind, and God put it best when he looked at his creation and said, "It is good." Sex is good. We are wired for sex, to desire sex, to create through sex, and to experience intimacy and love with our spouse and God through the act of sex. So why has sex become such a dirty hush hush word within the church? Why is it that every time I type the word sex i feel as if I am doing something a bit risque? Let me tell you why I think I have had sex on my brain. I just ordered a book by Rob Bell called Sex God. I haven't got it yet, so I can't tell you much about it, all I can say is that it is supposed to explore the links between sexuality, spirituality, and God. I thought it sounded incredibly interesting, and it really got me thinking, "How do these things connect?" The more I thought about it, it seemed to me that the bind between sexuality, spirituality and God is huge! God created man to have relationship with him. He created human beings, both male and female so that they could cleave to one another, becoming one flesh. This represents the oneness God has with himself (God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit), Distinctly three parts but somehow one. And then I thought of Christ calling the church his bride, and how He desires to become one with us. Did God simply create us as beings that cleave to one another in the union of marriage and sex so that he could give us the greatest possible example a human mind can grasp of what we as the church are to be to God? And then there is heaven. Could sex be a glimpse of heaven? Putting aside the sheer physical pleasures of sex as a "heavenly" experience, Heaven can be defined as perfect union with Christ. Since Christ chooses to call us his bride, it makes sense to think of sexual intimacy with ones spouse as an act this side of heaven that resembles our heavenly union with Christ. If all this is true, sex is a holy act, creating a holy union. It not only is a beautiful gift from God to married couples, but it is their gift to God as they reflect the relationship Christ desires to have with his church; intimate and close. It is astounding how we can reduce something so spectacular, beautiful, and holy into a course four letter word and a cheap physical thrill. No wonder hearts are broken, diseases are rampant, and minds are confused. God said the two would become one flesh, yet countless people are willing to share that "flesh" with anyone for the minutes of fun it provides, not taking into account the years of pain that result. No wonder we have a tough time talking about sex in the church. Sex has been belittled from something holy, to something trivial. Isn't it amazing? We've taken something beautiful that reflects God and the relationship he desires to have with us, something that is amazing, incredible and, well...fun, and then narrowed it down to simple bodily mechanics, a physical act, the frosting without the cake, and made it into an idol. The very gift designed to bring us closer to God is placed before him. So I guess I say all of this to confess, that I screw up. I lust. I more often then I wish to admit love sex for all the wrong reasons. I allow my mind, and my eyes to go places they shouldn't, but when I do, I take away the beauty of sex, and steal from myself the opportunity to one day express my love to God in this way and to the one he has saved for me. Perhaps you are sitting right beside me in this sinking boat. We all have made mistakes but just like the prophet Hosea, who took back his adulterous wife, God willingly and lovingly takes us back offering forgiveness and another chance. Christ said to the Adulterous woman in the New Testament, "Go, and sin no more." He knows that there is something so much better for us out there and he wants us to have it. Sex is good. Maybe we should think about it.

From the Inside-Out?

I have heard many Christians say that we are to love God "from the inside-out". I know that I have used this phrase as well. I was thinking about this line today, and I asked myself, why? Why are we to love God from the inside out? what does that mean? The truth is, I have no clue what that means. when I think about it, there is lots of Christian lingo that I don't understand, and if we don't understand it, why should anyone else. One of my favorites is, I want to be "authentic" in my faith, or "real", but I don't know if I am sure what that means either. I think that some Christian's idea of being "real" or "authentic" is swearing when things are going bad, because they aren't hiding their "real" feelings (I still don't know if this is ever really necessary, although I confess to letting a word or two fly when friends of mine are really down in the crapper), or spilling their guts out by sharing personal struggles from behind the pulpit. This is all fine and well in the right place, pastors need to do that from time to time, but I would argue that emptying your personal baggage on your congregation is more self serving then "authentic" community building. But enough of this tangent, this blog isn't about christian lingo, I want to focus on loving God from the inside out and why I think this can be dangerous terminology. What are some of the possible ways in which this line could be read?

I have taken a couple personality tests this year, and one thing that both seem to say is that I often think more quickly with my heart then with my head. I tend to think that in the current Western Christian culture, we are very feeling based. Recognize that I don't have any hard core evidence to back this up, this is just what, from my observation, I would believe is the case. In any case, I know it is often true with me, and perhaps you can relate as well. This is why I find the term "loving from the inside out" bothersome. When we talk about inwardness, we relate it to feelings. When we think about loving from the inside out then, it is easy to think of love sprouting from feeling. When we love on the inside, we show it on the outside. But, I think that perhaps this is a backwards approach.

Sometimes I don't feel like loving others, and in those times, I most certainly don't want to act in love to others. But I believe we really, REALLY need to examine our Faith, Hope, Love, Joy, etc. apart from our feelings. I won't always want to love others, but through demonstrating love to them in my actions (outwards), I learn to love them (inside). I won't always feel like believing in God, or trusting in him, but if I choose to remain faithful and follow him (outward) despite my feelings, I will slowly learn to put my trust in Him and recognize that He has my best interest in mind (inward). I could choose to be joyful, in the mist of great sorrow, whether I'm feeling happy or not. I want to learn to love my neighbor and my God from the outside-in.

Do you see him?

Me and Castro

I got a hair cut today, much shorter then I've had it in several years. This isn't necessarily a bad thing; I just have to look a bit ridiculous for a few days. For those of you who don't know, I am in a club called Hairy til' January here at school with a few other guys. We haven't shaved since Oct 1st, and aren't shaving until we all get back to school for the semester on the 8th. The beard wasn't so bad when I had my long hair; it looked cheery, as if I was a younger, slender, perhaps sickly Santa Clause. But now, I look like Fidel Castro. I'd rather not look like a dictator, but it does make me feel a bit more powerful...and likely to be assassinated.

A nonpost

I hope everyone is having a lovely Christmas break. I realize that I have not posted in quite some time. I don't often post when I don't feel like posting, and so you see that it has been quite some time since I've felt like saying anything. I guess that's the thing with a blog about nothing, sometimes you have nothing to say. but all of these nothings mean so much somethings to me. that was just a really stupid way of saying that I appreciate having this space to share things even if they aren't earth shattering, even though they are thoughts that have already been formed in the minds of others before me, even though my mind changes and the things I've said I may no longer agree with. My mind has been rather blank for quite some time, and it is hard to scrap up enough paint from an empty pallet to create something of beauty. Right now, I feel like my mind wants to say so much, wants to free itself by blurting everything in me out, but at this moment, I don't know how to do that, or what to say; and so, I deliver a nonpost. This is a post about nothing. but not really. there is something I wanted to tell everyone. I discovered that you can label your posts, and so now I've put the majority of my posts into different categories; those related to Poetry are labeled "Poems"-makes sense, i suppose. the categories I've created so far are poems, art, videos, incredibly random, quotes, and faith. feel free to browse through almost three years of blog entries by category.

I hate Technology, but love Janna

Here is a "photo" of Janna and I. For those of you who may not know, Janna is my severely attractive girlfriend. I feel very blessed that God saw it fit to bring such an amazing woman of God into my life. I am excited to walk with her, learn with her, and grow with her. She encourages and inspires me (and makes me a better scrabble player). My mom says that Janna must be an amazing girl, and that she must love me if "I could get a girlfriend while looking like that". I agree. Moms are good at speaking truth into the lives of their children.

A tribute to Niel

Today I woke up bright and early (though I don't know what it means to wake up bright, I'm always a bit "dim" in the morning), even before I was supposed to get up for church. The telephone woke me up right around seven, and it was for me. Now let me tell you a bit about telephone in dorm. You don't answer it. You especially don't answer it at seven in the morning. You think to yourself,"what is that horrible sound that woke me up? Oh, the phone. Frick, who is calling at seven in the morning? Someone else will get it." No one else gets it. They are all thinking the same thing. Then after 15 rings, you are thinking, "Frick, why isn't anyone getting the phone?" and you get ticked off at everyone else in dorm. Eventually the caller hangs up, but then calls again a couple minutes later. You let the system happen again. "Someone else will answer." But just when you realize that no one else is going to, you think "Hey, that phone has been ringing for about 4 minutes, I bet if I answer the caller will be like, "What the heck took you so long to answer the phone!!!" and will be all mad, and so you decide, I better not answer the phone or I'm going to get reamed out for answering so late. Eventually someone does answer the phone and walks grogily (grogily,...I like that word) into your room to inform you that your dad has been trying to get ahold of you for the past half an hour. This is what happened this morning.

Dad called to tell me that Neil Thiessen's funeral was today. eil is a man from my home church. He passed away this week from a heart attack. Neil is one of those guys who you couldn't look at without the corners of your lips rising. I've been away from my home church for more than a year, especially as I worked at my church in Worroad, so I haven't seen Neil for a very long while. I hopped in my car and drove home.

Let me tell you a bit about Neil. Neil radiated excitement and love for Christ. He was a man who could eat more then anyone I've ever met. He had one of those amazing voices. When I say amazing, I mean horrible. He couldn't sing a note, but it was a voice you loved to hear. When Neil sang "there's a hole in the bottom of the sea" or recited the poem "Hiawatha" at camp or at Men's retreat, you had dang better be paying attention, because it was going to be a good time. Some adult men in the church intimidate a young guy at times (not on purpose of course), but not Neil. He was one of those guys that you would look at and, just looking at him sometimes would put a laugh in your heart. I hope you can understand what I mean by this; its a compliment more then anything else. He was one of those guys you would look at and think "Oh Neil..." and you would think it with a smile on your face. All this being said, Niel was a very special person.

Last week was what I like to call a "Job" week. Maybe that's not fair to Job because his experiences were far worse then mine (and worse then any other person I know), but I had one of those weeks were every bit of news that was brought to me was bad news (Which also means the bearers of the news had a much worse week then me as well). Then I finished off the week with Neil's funeral. I had never laughed more at a funeral. It lifted my spirits, and filled me with joy. I left the church refreshed, and appreciating the beauty of people and life a bit more. I could see the beautiful blessing that Neil's life had been for all who knew him, and I thought of the beautiful life that he is living now; a life that as a Christian, I know I can look forward to. I thought of the lessons Neil's life taught; the importance of fellowship, sharing, laughter, and of course; a full stomach.

I said that I experienced joy at the funeral. What is Joy? Joy is one of those words that you cannot define until you have experienced it, and even then it's hard, but I think C.S. Lewis does a pretty good job. C.S. Lewis talks of joy in his book, Surprised by Joy,

…...it is that of an unsatisfied desire which is itself more desirable than any other satisfaction. I call it Joy, which is here a technical term and must be sharply distinguished both from Happiness and from Pleasure. Joy (in my sense) has indeed one characteristic, and one only, in common with them; the fact that anyone who has experienced it will want it again. Apart from that, and consider only in its quality, it might almost equally well be called a particular kind of unhappiness or grief. But then it is a kind we want. I doubt whether anyone who has tasted it would ever, if both were in his power, exchange it for all the pleasures in the worldÂ… (C.S. Lewis, 1955, 20).

Yesterday was a sad day, but sadness accompanieded by the joy of celebrating an amazing mans life here, and in Heaven. Thank you, God, for your gift of Joy.