Death, Vanity and Valentine's Day

I feel as though I have had so much to say, yet very little time to say it these last few months, hence my lack of blogging. But another holiday has come and gone and so I will sit down long enough to share my Valetines day thoughts.

This Valentine's day I spent alot of time thinking about death and vanity. Not because I am jaded against the Holiday. I really like Valentines day. I think any excuse to express love to those people who are special to us is good in my book. No, I have been thinking about death and vanity because I have been watching a John Piper video series, "The Blazing Center", and looking at a few of his sermons (desiringgod.com, you should really check it out!) in preparation for care groups and speaking engagements, and John Piper is really messing with my mind (in a good way, I should add). The things he has said have challenged the way I look at God, and strive to please him.

One of the video series' sessions was titled "God's Vanity" and those words sitting next to each other rub me like a toddler on an ornery old cat. They make me uncomfortable.

But John Piper points out (most of the rest of this blog is his wisdom, not mine--thanks Pastor Piper!) that many Scriptures make God sound vain. God seems to have a pretty strong desire to bring himself glory. Glory is a priority to God.

Look at this passage Piper points out,

"For my own sake I defer my anger, for the sake of my praise I restrain it for you that I may not cut you off. Behold I have refined you, but not like silver; I have tried you in the furnace of affliction. For my own sake, for my own sake I do it, for how should my name be profaned? My glory I will not give to another." --Isaiah 48:9–11

When we look at passages about worship, and honor and glory being brought to the Lord, It can sound vain. But is it?

Then we read passages about Jesus bringing glory to the Father, and the Father delighting in the Son. But if the Father, the Son, and the Spirit are one, isn't this vanity?

Here are some words from Piper,

"Since the Son is the image of God and the reflection of God and the stamp of God and the form of God, equal with God, and indeed IS God, therefore God's delight in the Son is delight in himself. Therefore the original, the primal, the deepest, the foundational joy of God is the joy he has in his own perfections as he sees them reflected in his Son. He loves the Son and delights in the Son and takes pleasure in the Son because the Son is God himself.
At first this sounds like vanity, and has the feel of conceitedness and smugness and selfishness about it, because that is what it would mean if any of us found our first and deepest joy by looking at ourselves in the mirror. We would be vain and conceited and smug and selfish.”

I think of it like this: If I were to have walked up to a girl on Valentine's day, and handed here a card that said,

"Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

I'm pretty awesome,

so you should date me."

the response would be less then positive. First, I used the "Roses are red" routine.....WAY over done. Second, the poem didn't rhyme. Third, it is horribly vain, and doesn't showcase love at all.

So, the question is-- how does God's pursuit of his own glory show his love to us?

I love that John Piper uses this story to help us see this. John 11:1-5 ESV

1Now a certain man was ill, Lazarus of Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha. 2 It was Mary who anointed the Lord with ointment and wiped his feet with her hair, whose brother Lazarus was ill. 3So the sisters sent to him, saying, "Lord, he whom you love is ill." 4But when Jesus heard it he said, "This illness does not lead to death. It is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it."

5Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. 6So, when he heard that Lazarus was ill, he stayed two days longer in the place where he was.

I love that. If one of my buddies was on his death bed, I would be booking it home to be with him, especially if I knew I could heal him. I wonder what was going through Lazarus's mind. But because of Jesus' love, he stays so that the glory of God may be displayed.

John 11:32-44 says,

32Now when Mary came to where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet, saying to him, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died." 33When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled. 34And he said, "Where have you laid him?" They said to him, "Lord, come and see." 35 Jesus wept. 36So the Jews said, "See how he loved him!" 37But some of them said, "Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man also have kept this man from dying?"

38Then Jesus, deeply moved again, came to the tomb. It was a cave, and a stone lay against it. 39Jesus said, "Take away the stone." Martha, the sister of the dead man, said to him, "Lord, by this time there will be an odor, for he has been dead four days." 40Jesus said to her, "Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?" 41So they took away the stone. And Jesus lifted up his eyes and said, "Father, I thank you that you have heard me. 42 I knew that you always hear me, but I said this on account of the people standing around, that they may believe that you sent me." 43When he had said these things, he cried out with a loud voice, "Lazarus, come out." 44 The man who had died came out, his hands and feet bound with linen strips, and his face wrapped with a cloth. Jesus said to them, "Unbind him, and let him go."

A couple things strike me about Christ's love here.

First, Jesus believes that the best way to love his friends is by allowing Lazarus' death so that he can glorify the Father through raising Lazarus back to life.

Why is it that God's love is best displayed through his glory being shown? This is because God invites us into relationship with him, and John Piper points out that the best, most loving gift he can ever give us is himself. Why? because our God is perfect! He is glorious! He can't be vain because to not recognize his perfection and call us to recognize it as well would be sinful. There is nothing greater than God. God could (and does) give us any number of gifts, but putting any of those gifts before him is idolatry. Piper points out that God must bring glory to his name because to do any less would be idolatrous.

He loves us so much that he, the creator of the universe, gives us himself in all his beautiful glory! and thats what makes the next words so significant.

Jesus Wept.

What alongside Gods glory could point out his love more?

As I prepared to speak on this passage for Valentines day, I was suprised to randomly come across a Relevantmagazine.com blog that spoke of Lazarus' story in light of Valentine's day as well. wierd.

The author, Billy Roberts says,

"When Jesus shows up on the scene, what does scripture say that He does? It doesn’t say Jesus remained firm and held His emotion in. It doesn’t say that He assured people things would be fine in the future (though He knew they would be, as things would change very shortly.) It says two simple and yet unbelievably profound words, “Jesus wept.” Two short words, but they hold greatly significant truths within them." (A Valentine's day Loss, Billy Roberts)

I find this to be of amazing sigficance because Jesus hurt with them. He knew the loss they felt. Martha and Mary expected Jesus to come and stop Lazarus from dying. There desires weren’t met. Instead they felt the emptiness of death. And, I believe whether we have experienced death or not, we have all felt the pain of emptiness and unmet desires. Empty dreams, empty relationships, empty promises. Loneliness and loss.

Roberts reminds us that Jesus is there with us in our loss. Jesus stands beside us weeping in our pain. But he also longs to bring us past that pain to something great. He shows us that he has got something so much better for us; Himself. And his glory shines. He invites us to turn away from death and towards life.

Mary got it. She saw that in giving himself and revealing God's glory, Jesus gave the greatest gift he ever could. In response, six days later during a meal, she anoints Christ's feet with nard, an expensive ointment she spent a year's wages on. Judas, who was also there didn't get it. He was focused on money (a whole flippin years wages!). He didn't see that all the money in the world couldn't buy the best gift he could ever have. And that gift was sitting right there in the room with him, defending the woman who got it.

Do we get it? Jesus weeps for our pain and longs to give us so much more. Do we realize that if we are in Christ and Christ is in us, we have the beautiful glory of God in us and on us and around us and that we couldn't possibly ever have a greater gift then to be in intimate relationship with our Creator, Lord, and King?

"Delight in the Lord, For he is good! His love endures forever!"

Merry Christmas!

This morning my family will be making our annual trip to the cities to spend Christmas with our extended family. All that separates us from the laughter of family, the card games, the food, the stories and gathering together to worship a God who wrapped himself in the skin of a helpless baby is a 6-7 hour car ride. But I don't mind the car ride, in fact I enjoy it. one of our traditions is reading through all the Christmas cards and letters we have received as we make the drive. It is fun to hear the highlights of the past year for family friends we may have lost touch with over the years, and it is always exciting to hear how God is moving in working in lives. The Christmas letter has always been a bit of a big deal in this family. Dad used to have one of us kids draw the cover of the letter every year. One year he had our Uncle Steve, a cartoonist do caricatures of our family. Now that we three kids of busy schedules are, the cover of our letter rarely is original art work, but dad still tries to be "original". A big challenge every year is finding a family photo that every one can agree on. This is our Christmas Card Photo this year. I suggested it as a joke, but we went with it. This is the power of catching a family in a goofy mood. Some people will be getting the "face forward" version, but my shirt says "Unicorn, the other white meat" so, I win either way, really. This is a Christmas letter photo from before JaNae was born....

May your Christmas be more joyous then riding a kitten with your family. May we all, like Mary, Ponder the wonders of our Lord, the baby in a manger, in our hearts this Christmas season. God bless.

Evie

I would like to ask any of you who read this to pray for a precious little girl, and her family. On the 17th of Nov my Cousin Nicole and her Husband Matt were blessed with a beautiful little girl. They named her Evangeline. They soon discovered that Evie was born with a heart defect. Evie was scheduled for surgery today at Children's Memorial Hospital, but it has been postponed. As of know, I do not know when the surgery has been rescheduled to.

I am so thankful for the faith of Matt and Nicole, and that they are parents anchored in a relationship with Christ. Though this is a scary time, it is comforting to think on this little ones name, Evangeline, and how God will use this whole experience to speak to many people in a powerful way. what a beautifully powerful and appropriate name.

Please pray for Evie's surgery. that God will grant wisdom to the surgeons and guide their hands. Pray that God will grant peace and trust to Matt and Nicole in this very difficult time. Pray for grandparents, family, friends, doctors and all the people who are tied to this special little person.

if you would like to know more you can visit http://evangelinemarie.blogspot.com/

thank you for your prayers

Rubbish

Yesterday I picked up my Philosophy of Science text book, The Soul of Science; Christian Faith and Natural Philosophy. I was pleasantly surprised to discover that its actually quite an enjoyable read. As I was reading I came across this sentence, "The Bible stands firmly against any deification of the creation." I had to read the sentence again. "That doesn't make any sense." I read it once more. In my mind I was reading, "The Bible stands firmly against any defecation of the creation." I was reading it wrong. Deification, Defecation. It just shows how easily "I" can make a god out of a loud of crap.

What do we make into gods in our lives? what or whom do we worship with our time and energy? What am I placing before Christ?

What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ--Philippians 3:8

Pain Valley

Pain is a thief that robs my comfort, and reaches eagerly for my hope, but I refuse to let him take it away. There is such a struggle. I yell, "Stop! Thief!" but I am so alone. So alone with all these people.

Everything looks bleak, and nothing sounds so good as leaving everything behind and going home. but going to a home that no longer even exists, a home where I am a child again, and I have friends and family to laugh with, a place where I can run around with Nerf guns and watch cartoons and bike to the park and float homemade boats down the river.

I hurt. Is it selfish to say that?

I watched this survival show on TV. This guy is in a desert and he desperately needs to find water to survive. He finds this valley, and at the bottom of it is water. but it's stagnant and full of dead animals and filth, he'd be better off without it. and though he's in the middle of one of the hottest deserts on the planet, the water is below freezing. So he works his way down into this canyon, and now he needs to find his way out. but the walls are so steep, and he is all alone.

Why is it that in the the lowest trenches of our darkest valleys we begin to see our failures and faults even more clearly. The ice cold sludge of who we really are sloshes around our shivering bodies and we long for the warmth of the sun.

I can never return to the comforting home of my childhood (even if I could, it would be selfish to do so), and even though the warmth of the sun seems nothing but a dream, I am not alone.

I don't think there is anything quite as astonishingly beautiful as these two things; a person who willingly enters into the valley just to walk through it all with the wanderer. Second is that the Creator of the wanderer and of the valley leads the way, revealing truth as they go.

Pain steals my comfort, and he can have it. But he can't take my hope, because I know I am loved, and that one day, I will feel the sun once again.

I am a worm.

Do not be afraid, O worm Jacob, O little Israel, for I myself will help you," declares the LORD, your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel. --Isaiah 41:14

Here is the truth. I am a sinner, a coward, a liar, a cheater. I can be cruel and inconsiderate. I have hurt people I love, (indeed, those I love most) and I continue to do so. I fail and fall, and sometimes I am scared to even try getting up again. I am little. Even more then little, I am a worm.

Yet for some reason,...Christ died and rose again for the sake of humanity so that anyone who believes and calls on his name might be in relationship with him from now and until forever. This is a paradox to me. Why does the LORD desire to redeem a worm?

Matt Chandler, one of my favorite preachers, shared this verse in his message on Oct 21 (hear it at thevillagechurch.net). He talks about "the Cult of Self-esteem" the idea that "you are good, I am good, and the answer to all our woes is feeling better about ourselves and attaching Jesus name to it."

He claims there are two messages "one that says you are worthless and in need of a savior and the other one says you are so worthy, you got a savior."

Matt gives some character examples from scripture. here is a few of them.

Abraham referred to himself as dust and ashes,

John said he was not worthy of touching Christ's sandals.

Peter, as he fell to the feet of Christ said, "Depart from me, for I am a sinful wicked man."

Paul said that he is the foremost of sinners.

Notice that God doesn't respond to these men. He doesn't ever say, "Don't talk about yourself in that way." or, "I created you. You are far greater then dust and ashes in my eyes."

This sermon intrigued me, and at the same time, bothered me. I think sometimes we forget how insignificant we are in comparison to our Creator. I think at other times, we compare ourselves to the next guy, and think we are doing pretty well...only to be reminded that no one is righteous...no not one. We are all totally helpless, and 100% unworthy.

But, I am left with questions.

Are we really worthless? I am bothered to hear this said. If so, why does God send his only son to save people of no worth? We must have worth for God to willingly give up so much for our sake. God does not need us. But I believe he wants us. if we have worth for no other reason, we have worth in that the God of the universe desires to redeem us and have relationship with us. He created us in his image. When we are saved, as Matt Chandler would say, our value is in the fact that we bear evidence to God's grace.

We have nothing we can give to God that he hasn't already given us. Our worth is not in our own strength or in our own being, but in the one who made us.

I cannot praise God for the great man I am, because,...I'm not. I can praise him for the great God he is, and that he loves me despite my lowly state.

I am a worm. Yes, that is true. But I am a worm that God desires to redeem. Thank you Lord.

hug a lefty today

Today is a good day. Why? because it is August 13 today. Why is August 13th a good day? Because today is Left handers day. Some people may say that this is not fair. Those people are wrong. We live in a right handed world. Every day is the right day but only one is the left day. On average, right handed people live longer then lefties. Some of you may think this is bogus, but if you think about it, it really makes sense that righties would live lives of peace and harmony while lefties die young. Everything is designed with right handed people in mind. Where is the mouse of a computer? how many desks in schools are left handed? Lefties have to rest their wrists on the brutal spirals of notebooks as they write, every word feeling the intense pain of leftiness. what side of the machine are the buttons on a pop machine? Lefties know the anguish of the scissors. The pain is as emotional as physical. Guitars. Most are designed with the right handed person in mind. You rest your right hand on the Bible while making an oath. You place your right hand on your heart while pledging aligence. the wedding ring goes on the right hand. People shake each others right hands in greeting. the left hand is left to the dirty work. I could continue, and would continue, but I don't feel like it, and since it is my holiday, I won't. This is a dominantist world. You don't believe me? Look at this--"Right handed" and "South Paw". South Paw? Yes, we are reduced to animals! Maybe some of you are finally seeing the truth. Maybe some of you are saying, "You know Tyler, you are RIGHT" But what you really mean to say is "Tyler, you are CORRECT". Is there any justice left in this world? No, it is all right.

Condemints and the Kingdom

There was a popular commercial that came out in the mid eighties. It has been satirized in the movie Wayne's World as well as in many TV shows. It starts out with this beautiful Rolls Royce driving down a quaint country road. It comes to a stop as another Rolls Royce pulls up along side it. the back window rolls down and a man in a fine suit says with a perfect British accent, "Pardon me, would you have any Grey Poupon?"

With one ad, the way we view mustard was changed. All of a sudden mustard moves from the world of the squeeze bottle-everyday man to the high class world of the rich Grey Poupon Sophisticate.

But, I think Jesus had a different view of mustard. In Matthew 13, Jesus describes the mysteries of the Kingdom of Heaven through the use of Parables. As we look at some of these parables, specifically the parable of the mustard plant, our challenge is to ask ourselves, "How do we live as the Kingdom of Heaven here on Earth?" Matthew, 13:31-33 says,

31 Here is another illustration Jesus used: “The Kingdom of Heaven is like a mustard seed planted in a field. 32 It is the smallest of all seeds, but it becomes the largest of garden plants; it grows into a tree, and birds come and make nests in its branches.”

33 Jesus also used this illustration: “The Kingdom of Heaven is like the yeast a woman used in making bread. Even though she put only a little yeast in three measures of flour, it permeated every part of the dough.”

Shane Claiborne, in his short sermon on this passage pictures giggles from the crowd, and maybe even a few hushes directed towards Jesus as he shared these stories. We hear it said that cleanliness is next to godliness. to a Jewish person at this time, orderliness was next to holiness. The mustard plant was far from orderly. It was like a weed. It could quickly take over a garden, choking out the other vegetables. Father Thomas Keating says that a mustard plant in a household garden was forbidden.

But Jesus goes on. He tells how the birds will come and make nests in its branches. Shane Claiborne, points out how this imagery isn't anything new to this audience. They would be familiar with the Psalms and the Prophet Ezekiel speaking of the Cedars of Lebanon and the Birds resting in their branches. Ezekiel 17:22-23 says,

22 “This is what the Sovereign Lord says: I will take a branch from the top of a tall cedar, and I will plant it on the top of Israel’s highest mountain. 23 It will become a majestic cedar, sending forth its branches and producing seed. Birds of every sort will nest in it, finding shelter in the shade of its branches.

So here is an image of God making his kingdom into something great and majestic. a Cedar of Lebanon, not much different then the Great Redwood Trees of California that tourists gaze upon with awe. These people hold the image of these great Cedars in their heads, and then Jesus says that The Kingdom of Heaven is like a mustard plant. From a tall tree to a garden shrub. Not much more then a weed.

The Jewish people expected the Messiah to be a great political and military leader that would bring them their freedom. They expected a Cedar of Lebanon who would stretch out his branches, not a man who illegally plants mustard in a garden.

Ezekiel later speaks of Assyria as being once like a Cedar of Lebanon (chapter 31) with its great branches outstretched to the birds. He said all the trees in the garden of Eden were jealous of it. But because of its pride in its beauty, God cuts it down.

So what do we learn from this?

The first lesson we learn in living as the Kingdom of Heaven here on earth is that it starts small, but then it grows. And more importantly, it spreads. It stretches across the whole garden, affecting all plants in its path. It isn't majestic like the Cedars of Lebanon (that majesty we will witness in Christ's second coming). It is simple, it is common. It isn't proud.

Jesus's audience probably would be just as startled by His parable of the yeast. Throughout the old testament, on many occasions yeast is viewed as unclean, something to be avoided. it was often associated with evil. Shane Claiborne points out that Jesus spoke of the yeast of the Pharisees and Sadducees (Matthew 16). Their yeast was false teaching. And here Jesus says that the Kingdom of Heaven is like Yeast. Why?

This is our second lesson. I believe that once again Jesus is speaking of how the Kingdom of God spreads, this time showing how it permeates culture. Unlike the Pharisees yeast that was false teaching, I believe The Kingdom of Heaven's yeast is God's perfect truth.

But let us savor this mustard a bit more. Why a mustard plant? though it is a humble plant, not much more then a weed, Mustard is powerful.

Both Ray C. Stedman and Shane Claiborne share this story. Darius, king of the Persians, invaded Europe with a great army, and met Alexander the Great. To taunt Alexander, Darius sent him a bag of sesame seeds , indicating the vast multitude of soldiers he had at his command. When Alexander received this taunting gift, he sent back a bag of mustard seed to say, "You may be many, but we're tough and biting and pungent. We can handle you."

Our third Lesson is that the kingdom of heaven carries a message that is powerful, biting and pungent. But it is also flavorful. It is desirable. As Jesus said, the birds rest in its branches.

I agree with Shane Claiborne when he says that these birds are the anybodies, the fowls the crows, all those who desire to find rest in The Kingdom of Heaven.

In the next two parables, Jesus describes the Kingdom of Heaven as treasures that one is willing to sell all he owns to get a hold of, one a hidden treasure in a field and the other a pearl of great value. Looking at this passage it seems almost idolatrous. Why would someone give up everything for a treasure? He could loose so much more then just his possessions; his family, his friends, his job. It seems idolatrous until we see what this treasure is. It is the simple, perfect truth. It is a place of rest. it is powerful and pungent. It is The Kingdom of Heaven. We are a part of the Kingdom of Heaven here on earth now.

Are we living this way?

The other day I was in a bookstore in a mall in Winnipeg. The store had just opened, and the employees where walking around making sure the shelves looked just right. I was looking at a book that my eyes shouldn't have been looking at (not a very strong example of the Kingdom of Heaven here on earth) when I overheard a couple employees talking to one another. They spoke of a lady and the employee who had helped her the other day. The lady came in and asked if there was a Christian Books section. The employee brought her to the very small section, but before she left her she said, "If you are looking for a book with some real substance may I suggest you visit our sciences section." The two employees talked about how this was inappropriate, but how they had no problem with what she said. One of them, a young man said to the other, "...I mean, I have no problem with them believing what they believe. Just as long as they don't shove it on me. I don't shove my beliefs on them."

Those words stuck with me. We hold the Kingdom of Heaven in our hands. We hold the greatest treasure. A treasure worth giving up everything for. Should we not desire to share it? If we knew the only way out of a burning building, would we not share that with others, even if they were convinced the flames weren't there? Even if we were convinced they didn't want to hear it?

How do we live as the Kingdom of Heaven here on Earth?

Are we growing like mustard grows, becoming more spiritually mature as we spend time in Gods word and in prayer, and silence before him?

Are we spreading like mustard spreads, sharing the joy we have found with others, obeying the great commission of bringing God's truth to the ends of the earth, starting here and growing out?

Are we permeating culture, like yeast permeates, reaching all people in all sorts of ways through the different talents God has given each of us so that we can share his truth?

Are we a place for down trodden birds to find rest?

Are we giving up everything we own for this greatest treasure as so many of our brothers and sisters around the world have to do everyday, many giving up their lives? Or are we like the seeds that fell on rocky soil and when we are persecuted, we give it all up. Or perhaps we are the seeds that fell among the thorns and we get choked out by the distractions, and pleasures of this world.

a couple chapters earlier in Matthew Jesus speaks of John the Baptist, Matthew 11:11 says,

11 “I tell you the truth, of all who have ever lived, none is greater than John the Baptist. Yet even the least person in the Kingdom of Heaven is greater than he is!

Wow. do we believe this? John was great, but his ministry could only point to Jesus's coming. We have seen Jesus fulfill what he came to do, dieing on the cross for mankind and rising again, bring the kingdom of heaven here to earth. John could only point to the one who would bring this truth, we point to the one who has brought this truth.

Yes, mustard is flavorful. Are we? God's word says that salt that has lost its saltiness is good for nothing but trampling under foot. If you take salt and put it on a canker sore, it will sting and hurt, but it will heal. Mustard as well has been used medicinally, and mustard as well carries a bite to it. Its that pungency we've spoken of. We can live in kindness and love to others. We can taste good. But we must come with a bite. We may offend. We may anger. We may be persecuted. We must verbally share the gospel with those who don't have the great treasure we hold. because flavor without the bite just isn't mustard, and that's just not what the Kingdom of Heaven is like.

The Kingdom of Heaven isn't Grey Poupon. It's the big, yellow squeeze bottle mustard for every man and woman. So, I encourage you, please....Pass the mustard.

Broken

Don't sweat the small stuff...wear deodorant

One thing I have struggled with in my faith over my past few years in college is deciding where it is that I stand on certain issues within the church. All of those things that people seem to either have a strong opinion on one side because of several great reasons backed by scripture, or the other side because of several great reasons backed by scripture, and then the other group who doesn't have a strong opinion either way and feels horribly guilty because of it. And of course, you always have a few who really don't care. These are the issues that can't be painted as black and white as I may want them to be. Was the world created in six days? Can women lead men in a church? Are men really spiritual heads? Is their great importance in speaking tongues? Should churches be lead by a pastor? Should Christians listen to secular music? Is their such thing as secular in a world created by God? Do men and women have different gender roles? Is masturbation pure evil? Should Christians fight in and support war? Should Christians allow evil dictators to rule in this world? Is it OK for Christians to drink or smoke? Is it wrong for Christians to shop at Wall mart? Should Christians be involved in Politics?

These are some questions I have heard raised by Christians. Some of whom have opinions as strong as stone. Others who haven't a clue what to think. And those who simply don't care, and choose to stay that way. I myself have developed some pretty strong opinions in some of these areas, others I am still searching, and dare I say it, some...well...maybe I don't care as much as I should.

The thing that I have noticed as I went off to this school of many different Christian backgrounds and people from all over the world is that there is lots of different thoughts then I may find back home in my small town, Minnesota church. I've discovered that I respect many people very much on both sides of several issues. I deeply admire their faith and commitment to Christ. I also admire their desire to stand up for something they believe in.

There is one issue in particular that I have been struggling with for the past few years, desperately striving to see where I stand. I have been reading books about it, and listening to other people whom I respect share their opinions on it, and (this is really important though it seems easily forgotten, sadly) I've even read a few bible passages on it (and will continue to read more), and I thought that I had came to a conclusion...but now I am not so sure. Faith is a development, and it seems to develop rather slowly.

For the first time in my life, I am beginning to see things with different eyes then my parents (that doesn't often happen. I've always wanted to "make my faith my own" by beginning to see things in a different light then my parents, but that's really hard to do when you think your parents are generally right in what they believe). I find it rather intimidating to disagree with pastors, professors, and parents when I respect their knowledge and wisdom. But a spoon fed faith will continue in infancy until it chooses to decide what it believes on its own.

There are a few things I have learned in the struggle of finding where I stand in different issues. First. It is a big deal. Yes, I know. I'm supposed to say it really isn't a big deal, it doesn't define our faith, and that is true,...but it is still a big deal. If it wasn't a big deal, we wouldn't still be hearing sermons preached on gender roles, or news broadcasts on schools teaching intelligent design next to evolution. though these issues aren't "salvation" issues, they still are issues that greatly affect a person's faith. Some people come to faith in Christ because of the way other Christians have viewed these very issues, a view that another Christian may completely disagree with.

Second, I've learned that Christians can be brutal to each other. It is so easy to tear down another Christian who thinks differently, to belittle that person's belief (which often feels like belittling the person), or make their faith appear weak or foolish. For people who are supposed to be characterized by love, we sure throw a lot of knives at each other. And that is the scary thing. These are important issues because they are tied so closely to some Christian's faith. When we belittle a Christian for thinking differently then the way we do, we may very well be attacking something that is key in their faith, something that helped them come to Christ, or remain close to Him. And yes, they are not the most important issue. Jesus said our most important commandment is to love him, and second, to love our neighbor. It is through loving our neighbor, that we show our love to God. Instead of focusing on unity in Christ, it becomes incredibly easy to focus on disunity in opinion. This is one of the most dangerous areas for a Christian to be. Christians fighting against Christians, what could make Satan more ecstatic?

Last, I have learned that it can be easy to sit in the middle of the road, not deciding what it is I want to believe. But I don't want to do that. I feel it is important to decide where I stand. It is in the small (but still important) things that we make our faith our own. Though these issues should never separate us from others, they should none the less remain important pieces of our lives.

Paul says in Philippians 1:7 "...it is right that I should feel as I do about all of you, for you have a special place in my heart. You share with me the special favor of God, both in my imprisonment and in defending and confirming the truth of the Good News."

We as Christians hold a great truth, the truth of the Good News of Jesus Christ that we must confirm to others and fight to defend. But it is the truth of Christ that we must defend. Though the other stuff is important (and our opinions are worth defending), we are focusing on the shiny quarter sitting on a thousand dollar bill when we focus all of our energy on defending the small stuff before focusing on defending the true treasure, our unity in Christ.

So, I will push to come to my own conclusions in all areas until the day I die, not settling to be unsure. But as I do that, As Paul did before me, I will hold my brothers and sisters in Christ in a special place in my heart, remembering that they share God's special favor,...no matter who they voted for in the last election, or which kind of church they attend.

Sex

I've been thinking a lot about sex lately. I know, that doesn't sound so great. I probably should do some rephrasing, but I won't because I said what I mean. I have had sex on my mind. It really shouldn't come as a shock to anyone. We've all heard that statistic (that no one could ever really prove) that says guys think about sex every ten seconds. I don't know if it's true or not. I don't even know if guys think about sex more then girls do. God created man and woman with sex in mind, and God put it best when he looked at his creation and said, "It is good." Sex is good. We are wired for sex, to desire sex, to create through sex, and to experience intimacy and love with our spouse and God through the act of sex. So why has sex become such a dirty hush hush word within the church? Why is it that every time I type the word sex i feel as if I am doing something a bit risque? Let me tell you why I think I have had sex on my brain. I just ordered a book by Rob Bell called Sex God. I haven't got it yet, so I can't tell you much about it, all I can say is that it is supposed to explore the links between sexuality, spirituality, and God. I thought it sounded incredibly interesting, and it really got me thinking, "How do these things connect?" The more I thought about it, it seemed to me that the bind between sexuality, spirituality and God is huge! God created man to have relationship with him. He created human beings, both male and female so that they could cleave to one another, becoming one flesh. This represents the oneness God has with himself (God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit), Distinctly three parts but somehow one. And then I thought of Christ calling the church his bride, and how He desires to become one with us. Did God simply create us as beings that cleave to one another in the union of marriage and sex so that he could give us the greatest possible example a human mind can grasp of what we as the church are to be to God? And then there is heaven. Could sex be a glimpse of heaven? Putting aside the sheer physical pleasures of sex as a "heavenly" experience, Heaven can be defined as perfect union with Christ. Since Christ chooses to call us his bride, it makes sense to think of sexual intimacy with ones spouse as an act this side of heaven that resembles our heavenly union with Christ. If all this is true, sex is a holy act, creating a holy union. It not only is a beautiful gift from God to married couples, but it is their gift to God as they reflect the relationship Christ desires to have with his church; intimate and close. It is astounding how we can reduce something so spectacular, beautiful, and holy into a course four letter word and a cheap physical thrill. No wonder hearts are broken, diseases are rampant, and minds are confused. God said the two would become one flesh, yet countless people are willing to share that "flesh" with anyone for the minutes of fun it provides, not taking into account the years of pain that result. No wonder we have a tough time talking about sex in the church. Sex has been belittled from something holy, to something trivial. Isn't it amazing? We've taken something beautiful that reflects God and the relationship he desires to have with us, something that is amazing, incredible and, well...fun, and then narrowed it down to simple bodily mechanics, a physical act, the frosting without the cake, and made it into an idol. The very gift designed to bring us closer to God is placed before him. So I guess I say all of this to confess, that I screw up. I lust. I more often then I wish to admit love sex for all the wrong reasons. I allow my mind, and my eyes to go places they shouldn't, but when I do, I take away the beauty of sex, and steal from myself the opportunity to one day express my love to God in this way and to the one he has saved for me. Perhaps you are sitting right beside me in this sinking boat. We all have made mistakes but just like the prophet Hosea, who took back his adulterous wife, God willingly and lovingly takes us back offering forgiveness and another chance. Christ said to the Adulterous woman in the New Testament, "Go, and sin no more." He knows that there is something so much better for us out there and he wants us to have it. Sex is good. Maybe we should think about it.

From the Inside-Out?

I have heard many Christians say that we are to love God "from the inside-out". I know that I have used this phrase as well. I was thinking about this line today, and I asked myself, why? Why are we to love God from the inside out? what does that mean? The truth is, I have no clue what that means. when I think about it, there is lots of Christian lingo that I don't understand, and if we don't understand it, why should anyone else. One of my favorites is, I want to be "authentic" in my faith, or "real", but I don't know if I am sure what that means either. I think that some Christian's idea of being "real" or "authentic" is swearing when things are going bad, because they aren't hiding their "real" feelings (I still don't know if this is ever really necessary, although I confess to letting a word or two fly when friends of mine are really down in the crapper), or spilling their guts out by sharing personal struggles from behind the pulpit. This is all fine and well in the right place, pastors need to do that from time to time, but I would argue that emptying your personal baggage on your congregation is more self serving then "authentic" community building. But enough of this tangent, this blog isn't about christian lingo, I want to focus on loving God from the inside out and why I think this can be dangerous terminology. What are some of the possible ways in which this line could be read?

I have taken a couple personality tests this year, and one thing that both seem to say is that I often think more quickly with my heart then with my head. I tend to think that in the current Western Christian culture, we are very feeling based. Recognize that I don't have any hard core evidence to back this up, this is just what, from my observation, I would believe is the case. In any case, I know it is often true with me, and perhaps you can relate as well. This is why I find the term "loving from the inside out" bothersome. When we talk about inwardness, we relate it to feelings. When we think about loving from the inside out then, it is easy to think of love sprouting from feeling. When we love on the inside, we show it on the outside. But, I think that perhaps this is a backwards approach.

Sometimes I don't feel like loving others, and in those times, I most certainly don't want to act in love to others. But I believe we really, REALLY need to examine our Faith, Hope, Love, Joy, etc. apart from our feelings. I won't always want to love others, but through demonstrating love to them in my actions (outwards), I learn to love them (inside). I won't always feel like believing in God, or trusting in him, but if I choose to remain faithful and follow him (outward) despite my feelings, I will slowly learn to put my trust in Him and recognize that He has my best interest in mind (inward). I could choose to be joyful, in the mist of great sorrow, whether I'm feeling happy or not. I want to learn to love my neighbor and my God from the outside-in.

Do you see him?

Me and Castro

I got a hair cut today, much shorter then I've had it in several years. This isn't necessarily a bad thing; I just have to look a bit ridiculous for a few days. For those of you who don't know, I am in a club called Hairy til' January here at school with a few other guys. We haven't shaved since Oct 1st, and aren't shaving until we all get back to school for the semester on the 8th. The beard wasn't so bad when I had my long hair; it looked cheery, as if I was a younger, slender, perhaps sickly Santa Clause. But now, I look like Fidel Castro. I'd rather not look like a dictator, but it does make me feel a bit more powerful...and likely to be assassinated.

A nonpost

I hope everyone is having a lovely Christmas break. I realize that I have not posted in quite some time. I don't often post when I don't feel like posting, and so you see that it has been quite some time since I've felt like saying anything. I guess that's the thing with a blog about nothing, sometimes you have nothing to say. but all of these nothings mean so much somethings to me. that was just a really stupid way of saying that I appreciate having this space to share things even if they aren't earth shattering, even though they are thoughts that have already been formed in the minds of others before me, even though my mind changes and the things I've said I may no longer agree with. My mind has been rather blank for quite some time, and it is hard to scrap up enough paint from an empty pallet to create something of beauty. Right now, I feel like my mind wants to say so much, wants to free itself by blurting everything in me out, but at this moment, I don't know how to do that, or what to say; and so, I deliver a nonpost. This is a post about nothing. but not really. there is something I wanted to tell everyone. I discovered that you can label your posts, and so now I've put the majority of my posts into different categories; those related to Poetry are labeled "Poems"-makes sense, i suppose. the categories I've created so far are poems, art, videos, incredibly random, quotes, and faith. feel free to browse through almost three years of blog entries by category.

I hate Technology, but love Janna

Here is a "photo" of Janna and I. For those of you who may not know, Janna is my severely attractive girlfriend. I feel very blessed that God saw it fit to bring such an amazing woman of God into my life. I am excited to walk with her, learn with her, and grow with her. She encourages and inspires me (and makes me a better scrabble player). My mom says that Janna must be an amazing girl, and that she must love me if "I could get a girlfriend while looking like that". I agree. Moms are good at speaking truth into the lives of their children.

A tribute to Niel

Today I woke up bright and early (though I don't know what it means to wake up bright, I'm always a bit "dim" in the morning), even before I was supposed to get up for church. The telephone woke me up right around seven, and it was for me. Now let me tell you a bit about telephone in dorm. You don't answer it. You especially don't answer it at seven in the morning. You think to yourself,"what is that horrible sound that woke me up? Oh, the phone. Frick, who is calling at seven in the morning? Someone else will get it." No one else gets it. They are all thinking the same thing. Then after 15 rings, you are thinking, "Frick, why isn't anyone getting the phone?" and you get ticked off at everyone else in dorm. Eventually the caller hangs up, but then calls again a couple minutes later. You let the system happen again. "Someone else will answer." But just when you realize that no one else is going to, you think "Hey, that phone has been ringing for about 4 minutes, I bet if I answer the caller will be like, "What the heck took you so long to answer the phone!!!" and will be all mad, and so you decide, I better not answer the phone or I'm going to get reamed out for answering so late. Eventually someone does answer the phone and walks grogily (grogily,...I like that word) into your room to inform you that your dad has been trying to get ahold of you for the past half an hour. This is what happened this morning.

Dad called to tell me that Neil Thiessen's funeral was today. eil is a man from my home church. He passed away this week from a heart attack. Neil is one of those guys who you couldn't look at without the corners of your lips rising. I've been away from my home church for more than a year, especially as I worked at my church in Worroad, so I haven't seen Neil for a very long while. I hopped in my car and drove home.

Let me tell you a bit about Neil. Neil radiated excitement and love for Christ. He was a man who could eat more then anyone I've ever met. He had one of those amazing voices. When I say amazing, I mean horrible. He couldn't sing a note, but it was a voice you loved to hear. When Neil sang "there's a hole in the bottom of the sea" or recited the poem "Hiawatha" at camp or at Men's retreat, you had dang better be paying attention, because it was going to be a good time. Some adult men in the church intimidate a young guy at times (not on purpose of course), but not Neil. He was one of those guys that you would look at and, just looking at him sometimes would put a laugh in your heart. I hope you can understand what I mean by this; its a compliment more then anything else. He was one of those guys you would look at and think "Oh Neil..." and you would think it with a smile on your face. All this being said, Niel was a very special person.

Last week was what I like to call a "Job" week. Maybe that's not fair to Job because his experiences were far worse then mine (and worse then any other person I know), but I had one of those weeks were every bit of news that was brought to me was bad news (Which also means the bearers of the news had a much worse week then me as well). Then I finished off the week with Neil's funeral. I had never laughed more at a funeral. It lifted my spirits, and filled me with joy. I left the church refreshed, and appreciating the beauty of people and life a bit more. I could see the beautiful blessing that Neil's life had been for all who knew him, and I thought of the beautiful life that he is living now; a life that as a Christian, I know I can look forward to. I thought of the lessons Neil's life taught; the importance of fellowship, sharing, laughter, and of course; a full stomach.

I said that I experienced joy at the funeral. What is Joy? Joy is one of those words that you cannot define until you have experienced it, and even then it's hard, but I think C.S. Lewis does a pretty good job. C.S. Lewis talks of joy in his book, Surprised by Joy,

…...it is that of an unsatisfied desire which is itself more desirable than any other satisfaction. I call it Joy, which is here a technical term and must be sharply distinguished both from Happiness and from Pleasure. Joy (in my sense) has indeed one characteristic, and one only, in common with them; the fact that anyone who has experienced it will want it again. Apart from that, and consider only in its quality, it might almost equally well be called a particular kind of unhappiness or grief. But then it is a kind we want. I doubt whether anyone who has tasted it would ever, if both were in his power, exchange it for all the pleasures in the worldÂ… (C.S. Lewis, 1955, 20).

Yesterday was a sad day, but sadness accompanieded by the joy of celebrating an amazing mans life here, and in Heaven. Thank you, God, for your gift of Joy.

Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a way you've never known before. But the ride always ends, and you end up feeling lonely and bitter. Wait. It's not love I'm describing. I'm thinking of a monorail.--Jack Handey

Thank you Jack Handey. That is all

Ode to Milk

oh dear milk, how beautiful you are to me,

you tame a mouthful of sweet, delicious torture.

companion of the cookie, mate to the brownie.

How could somthing sucked from a cow be so udderly devine?

you may be 2% but you are 100% in my heart.

gaterade may come and go,

cola will soon pass,

but our love endures, my sweet dear milk.

Won't you be my neighbor?

So today I decided that having supper up in the Sem lounge four flights up is a bad idea. I was thinking when i was on the first floor how funny it would be if somone forgot their silverware and had to go all the way back down to get it. Then when I got to the top, and told everyone how funny that would be,I realized that I did. Oh irony, you are such a jerk.

I remember watching Mr. Rogers as a child, and how as he approached the end of his theme song, he would sit down, cross his legs, remove his shoes and say, “Won’t you be my neighbor?” If only we all were as eager and willing to accept neighbors as Mr. Rogers. A man in the book of Luke Knowing that the greatest Commandments were to love the Lord your God with all your heart, and to love your neighbor as yourself, wanted to justify whom he should love so he asked Jesus, “Who is my neighbor?” Jesus responded with this story:

The dust was itchy in his eyes. It was a hot day, sun beating down on his back. His stomach was noxious from the up and down movement of the camel. Neither the air conditioning nor the radio in this camel was working. It was a pretty lousy trip. It was about to become a whole lot lousier. Hiding behind some rocks were a couple of thugs. They jumped him! Ripped him off his camel, stole his wallet, and ipod, tore off his American eagle robe, and Nike sandals, gave him a couple of kicks to the stomach for good measure and left him for dead in the gutter. Bloody, and bashed, he was looking pretty helpless at the moment. This guy didn’t have a hope, that is until a Jewish Priest walked by. If any one would help a hurting guy out, it would be him, right?
“Oh my goodness, this fellow is in some bad shape…what time is it?” He looks at his Rolex and realizes he’ll be late for an appointment if he doesn’t hurry.
“He probably got what was coming to him.” He huffs to himself, and looking from side to side to make sure no one else is around, he walks on.

Later a Levite casually moves down the road. He was headed to the temple to perform his duties no doubt, but a mound lying in the opposite gutter caught his attention.
“What is that?” He smells at the air? “Is, is that road kill?” He crosses to the other side to get a closer look, but when he realizes that it’s a man, and not some rotting animal, he quickly turns back to the other side of the road and continues on. Making sure no one steals his parking spot at the Temple is more important to him at the time.

Things were not looking good. The situation seemed as black as his bruised skin. A Samaritan walked on by. Now, in our books, “Samaritan” is a word that isn’t usually said if it’s not accompanied by the word “good”. A wise man once told me it would be like a North American saying the “Good Jihad Islamic Extremist Terrorist”, words that anger us when put together. The Samaritans were Scum to Jews. They were nothing more then mutts who had compromised their Jewish blood line by marrying into other people groups. Jews despised them. They would rather spend there time with brick walls then with Samaritans, if they could have their way. Yet it was the Samaritan who saw this man and took pity on him. It was the Samaritan who pulled out his first aid kit and put Neosporin on his wounds, rapping them with gauze and band aids. It was the Samaritan who took this Jewish man to the Holiday Inn, paid for his medical bill, and told the Keeper if the poor guy needed anything to put it on his tab. It was the Samaritan who showed love.

I find it interesting in this story That Christ chose someone his listener would despise to be the most neighborly. When Christ asked who was a neighbor to the man, his listener responded with “The one who showed him mercy?” as if saying “the Samaritan” would be too difficult to have pass his lips. Christ did this to show that everyone is our neighbor, and we are to love all people. I also find it interesting how it was the religious leaders who expected someone else to come along and care for the hurting. We are the church. Christ has called us to care for hurting people. Are we too expecting others to do the job Christ has given to us?

Matthew 25: 37-41 says,
"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'
"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

Do we realize that when we are looking into the eyes of a hurting person that we are looking into the eyes of Christ. Perhaps we should all learn a lesson from Mr. Rogers, accepting all people as our neighbors. This is what the Samaritan did. ‘“Then Jesus said, “Yes, now go and do the same.”’

catterpillars

Who eats sauteed catterpillars with his college professor? I do, that's who. that is all.

Bird crap, Jr. high girls, and future wives

I returned to school this week. I came back a few days early to hang out with Matt and to move my stuff in. When I arrived at school, I walked up to my dorm and noticed a sheet with a name on it sticky tacked to one of the doors. I got excited and read it thinking that it would be one of the guys in my dorm this year. "Gena Giesbrecht." I was a bit confused. I really didn't expect to have a guy named Gena in my dorm. Thats when I realized that Soccer camp was still going on and that I was in a dorm for jr. high girls, so I quickly removed myself, found Matt Shantz, and threw my crap in a room downstairs. My stuff sat in a total of three different rooms before Shantzy and I could actually move in last night. But it was a good time catching up with Matt, and bumping into a few other good people from school.

On Friday evening, we went out to Nuefelds place in the city and sat on his porch waiting for him to get done with work. we watched from the porch little boys and girls at a birthday party the house over. They had ponies! crazy. as we laughed at a little guy throwing grass at a little girl, a squwaking, morbid, bird flew into my face and pooped on my shoulder. This was my first encounter being hit in the face with a bird. its exploding feces landed on Matt too, but Nuefeld washed our shirts and fed us. what a guy.

Uncle Buck is a very funny John Candy movie. Eating candy while watching John Candy just seems to make sense.

I came back home today once again so that I can speak in church on Sunday, my last day there. what a nice happily ever after to the once upon a time I started over a year ago now with this church. my, how I am going to miss those people. what a blessing it has been. perhaps I'll blog on what I'll be speaking on sometime (Matthew 25: 31-45), but not right now. All I'll say is that I truly believe that this will be a passage close to my heart this year, one that I hope I can learn to live out, so that I truly can practice what I preach.

Probably the best part of going to school early is seeing the wish book before anyone else. the highlights so far,...The Thunder Brothers (could you have a cooler last name?) and picking out future wives for Matt and Mike. Shallow, perhaps, but still a good time.

So, school is here again. I am very excited. It is so cool to see growth in others and self. I can't wait to see what God has in store for Providence College this year.

Love is what separates us from the goats (Matt 25:31-46)

I just found this beautiful ministry and I encourage all of you to head over to www.myspace.com/towriteloveonherarms and check it out. Read through the blogs, especially the story that got this whole thing started. So encouraging, so inspiring. I can't think of anything that excites me more then seeing twenty somthings starting their own ministries and really loving the hungry, thirsty, sick, naked, and imprisoned. Here is a video clip for you to watch.



Know that you are loved. Know that God looks down on your hurting heart, and that He hurts with you. Believe. Believe that broken hearts can and will be healed.

a brain is no place for dynamite

Do you ever know precisely what you desire, yet wonder if its right. I mean, there are those times when we know what we desire is wrong. But what about those times when we just aren't quite sure? I suppose we have all faced this to a degree before, even if its as simple as wondering if we should take the last slice of pizza in the box, or if we should spend money on another cd after already buying two that month. These are the decisions that after a bit of thought, we can come up with a wise decision. But at other times, it is so much more difficult. Those times when your heart and your head disagree, when your voice can't be separated from God's or all the other voices in your head.

I'm in this boat right now. Its a really sucky boat. More of a raft, really. And no paddles. Out on rapids. Oh, and its held together by twine. Really old twine,...the kind you find in an old man's shed. An old, cheap man, who wouldn't bother to buy good twine, just so he can save a nickle. Yeah, pretty sucky. Is it that I just don't want to believe God's voice when I hear it because it contradicts my hearts desires? Is it that I won't allow myself to have what I want, or that I truly believe God has other desires for me? Is it that I'm thinking to much...Maybe not enough? I think I know the answer, but I'd love to convince myself otherwise. So, to all of my friends, will you pray for me? Pray for clarity, but even more so, pray for obedience, because clarity doesn't always make decisions easier.

Sometimes when the guys in my youth group are acting like dorks, I get angry and chop their heads off.

Thoughts

Coke Blak. What were they thinking? I bought a Coke Blak the other day to see what it was like, and I'm pretty sure that I'll by another one just because it was so horrible that it will be canceled within a month and go down as the worst soft drink concept ever. The bottles will be worth a pretty penny. Lots of pretty pennies, and maybe some rusty ugly ones too. You know, coffee is great stuff, and coke is pretty darn good too, but making a coffee flavored soft drink is a bad idea. Sometimes putting two good things together makes something great, like Dr. Pepper with berries and cream or honey and mustard (do not put honey mustard in your Dr. Pepper). I would gladly give my kidney to the person who thought of putting honey and mustard together...even if he or she didn't need it. The genius who invented honey mustard deserves three kidneys. But then sometimes, two great things only make something incredibly horrible. I love puppies, and I love pizza, but puppy pizza just doesn't work in North American culture.

I had a good day today. Many times when I go into the office at church, I have a tough time keeping my eyes open, because I'm just not the morning person type. But today, I stayed relatively awake and I feel I got quite a bit accomplished. I'm beginning to prepare my sermon that I'll share the day I head off to school, my last day at the church. I am really excited to be given such a cool opportunity, it will round off my experience at the church very nicely. I only fear that my message will be to basic, to simple. But then again, I think that the church needs to come back to the basic, the simple. Sometimes the basics, the simple stuff offers the greatest challenge. Be Kind to your neighbor. Love your enemy. Feed the hungry. Such simple commands, yet so hard to do. Great challenges. In my time at the church, I've been able to speak to and work with pre k kids up to College students, and now I'll be preaching. What a great gift God has given me in this last year.

Today I folded bulletins at the church, and I loved it! That may sound ridiculous, but sometimes I really enjoy those monotonous tasks that need to be done but require chimpanzee intelligence. Most of my work requires thinking, so its nice to rest the brain, listen to some music and let the mind wander on the things of God, the things of the day, or the dreams of tomorrow.

We've had VBS this week, and I've loved it. I pray God blesses me with the opportunity to have kids of my own some day. Its like they breathe out life. I don't think there is a time that I feel more alive then when I've got a kid on each foot, one on my back, and another in my arms. I could do without the light saber stabbing and the shoe hiding, but I guess that comes with the territory.

video recording and catch; two more great things that don't work well together

I am the Prodigal

Faith without works is dead. So what does that mean for a church with no faith or works? Does it just become a club? Where is the spiritual growth in 4-H or the Eagles club? Those weren't the Eagles wings I had hoped to soar on. When was it that I died? How is it that a man can forget to breath? In all honesty, its been awhile since I've spent time with God. I haven't really spent much time reading my bible or praying this summer. Well, lets be a bit more honest, I haven't spent much time with God this last year. I have read my bible, and I guess I have prayed. But I haven't really prayed in so very long. Really truly prayed. Conversed with God, sat down with my creator and friend, and talked simply because that is what friends do. I want to now God's favorite color. Is that strange, does that sound ludicrous? I think of high school sweethearts and the trivial questions they ask one another, and the meaningless beautiful answers that they treasure, as they learn each other's hearts. What is God's favorite color. Is there a flower he finds most beautiful? To be in love again, to run back to the love of my youth, to be intimate with God. I miss him.

My, I have been off the mark for some time now. Yet its amazing how long God's arms are, he still reaches for me. No matter how fake, no matter how far I've wandered off the path into the wild poison ivy, he still calls me, still holds out his hand. One word has broken into my ears this summer; Love. Maybe I'm beginning to remember that word, a word I knew long ago. Maybe I'm beginning to understand it for the first time...Maybe I still have so much more to learn. Christ's greatest commandments have been on my mind a lot this summer, whether I read about them in a book or hear a pastor preach on them, it seems that God wants my attention. "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and mind, and love your neighbor as yourself." I am a people pleaser, and no person do I strive to please more then myself. I quickly forget the order of those commandments. God rarely receives my love first and rarely do I love others as I love myself. Doug Fields applied this passage to youth ministry in how it is so easy to "love" youth first by creating extremely fun programs to attract young people, but forgetting to love God, growing in our own personal relationship with him first. Without a personal relationship with God, how can one possibly help others grow in their walk.

A pastor asked the question, how is it that we love God, and he pointed out how closely related these two commandments are, because it is through loving our neighbors that we show our love for God. How true this is. It works in a perfect circle; the more we love God, spending time in his word and talking with him, the more we desire to love those around us by serving them and teaching them of God's perfect love, and the more we show love to our neighbors, the more we are demonstrating our love for God through action.

I have become ritualistic in my ministry. Love is the ingredient I have left out, and I've wondered why its tasted so funny. I've made it about programs rather then people, and I've pulled bible studies out of the air rather then spend time with my first love, growing and learning how to teach and serve the youth at my church, my neighbors. When I was young, my greatest prayer was that God would give me wisdom, and a heart of love, but somewhere along the line I lost that, I stopped praying for these things, and I forgot to love.

But my heart is hopefull. God in his grace has put excitement back in my heart. It amazes me that he is so willing to use a flawed heart to proclaim his perfect message. I have a month left with my church. This month is a gift. Working in Warroad has been such a great blessing. It has been a time filled with many important lessons. But the greatest of these is love.

Fireworks!!!

I've had a lovely little vacation here with camp. well, granted working as a dean of a camp can't really be considered vacationing I guess, but it was an amazing time. God is teaching me so much, and I'm excited to learn so much more about ministry. I've barely got my feet wet.

Family camp was great. I love Bluewater. I've always wanted to work there, but God always seems to have different plans. anyway, I just got back from spending the fourth out at bluewater, and decided to see if I could post some video footage. Grand Rapids shoots off some pretty good fireworks. I probably should have waited for the grand finale, but I didn't

Summer pictures 3

I've also had the opportunity to go up to Winnipeg and visit my favorite people a couple times, here are there lovely faces.



I hang out with beautiful girls sometimes...

I didn't think that my best photo ever would be of Matt, but I thank you Matt for having a face.


This bug has nothing to do with anything


tree climbing is just to easy for some people. Steph needed the challenge of awkward, artistic architecture.

The Peg was fun, though I may never look at ginger ale the same ever again.

Summer pictures 2

Here are more graduation open house photos.








It's always so refreshing to be surrounded by children. is there anything as beautiful to the ear as their laughter? I was in heaven....until one of them broke my badmintton racket...kids...

and of course i have to show off my church family and youth group.







These guys are at least a 7 1/2 on the coolness scale...maybe even a 12.

I hit my max again. dag.

Summer pictures 1

I got a camera this summer, yet I have not posted any photos yet, so here are some of the experiences and photos of summer thus far, starting with the most attractive child I have yet witnessed in life, John and Lauren's little boy, Corbin.


This one really accentuates the awesomeness of his very punk, very natural faux hawk. Next comes the tattoos and lip ring...





this was after I blinded him with 50-907 photos


Lyss Graduated, and pulled in billions of scholarships and grants (about $25,000+ just for this year!) since she's a genius. I got lots of photos at her open house and grad.

here is the family on graduation day. The parts in my dad's and my hair are in opposite directions. Isn't that aesthetically pleasing?


This is Lyss and her studly boyfriend.



open house!!!! I like food


Lyss had a pretty artastic gallery to show for herself

...wow. did you know that you can max out the number of photos you put in a post... I didn't. bummer....

ever feel sad for no reason?

Please pray

I've never posted a prayer request on my blog before, but this is to important not to. An amazing young woman, and dear friend of my sisters and I, Emily Mekash, got in an accident today. While counseling at bible camp, she collided with someone during a game of basketball and hit her head on the pavement. She has been rushed in ambulance to the Hospital in Grand Forks, and there is a possibility that she could have fractured her skull. I believe that God has great plans for this young lady. Please pray for her healing, for her family and friends, and for Trust in a God who is greater then all of this. He is good and his love endures.

a hole in your pocket

Its funny how I never knew I gave you my heart until i found that it was missing. And the ironic thing is, you didn't know you had it either. so one day, as you skipped down the street towards the chapel, it fell from your pocket and shatered there on the ground. I picked it up, and dusted it off. My, how fragile a heart is. Though I try and try, the pieces jus't dont seem to fit together just right. And so it sits guarded, afterall, it's weaker now, it broke once, so it most definitely could break again. I could be mad, I could despise you, and I regretfully admit that there is a part of me that wants to, but I don't. Just a misplaced heart that fell from your pocket, its hardly your fault. I always have been a bit absent minded, always have been one to misplace things.

23 Above all else, guard your heart,
for it is the wellspring of life.--Proverbs 4:23

makes ears happy

their are few things that carry the power of music. it moves people like few things can. at times certain songs cling as a back drop to episodes of our life, or help us through difficult times. These are some of the songs that have stories in my life. They are the songs that have convicted me, challenged me, and have shaped me and my faith,...as well as some just plain fun songs that make me giggle and smile.

Lead the Way- Further seems forever
This is my favorite song of all time. It has come to comfort me, and carry me along in some very difficult times. "You know me better then I do, it would be best if you lead the way" Powerful, simple lyrics that reveal the surrendered heart of a Christian. Hide Nothing is my favorite Furtherseemsforever project. One of the most God glorifying projects I have heard to date.

Islands gone bad- Shapes and Sizes
These guys are a new band to asthmatickitty records, the label owned by Sufjan Stevens and his step dad. I love this song. Beautiful, unique Indy vibe, and a story that progresses from a family stranded on an island picking fruit off of trees to children eating their parents. Good song, good song.

Casimir Pulaski Day- Sufjan Stevens
Wow. Sufjan is amazing. I love this song, because the lyrics are sad, yet the music is happy, and combined they seem to paint a picture of hope. The song deals with suffering and Gods place in it. A tear jerker.

When did you fall- Chris Rice
This song is one of my new favorites. Its a love song about a guy looking back over his relationship with his significant other trying to place the moment she fell in love with him. www.myspace.com/chrisrice

Transcontinental- Pedro the Lion
David Bazen, the main mind behind amazing indy act, Pedro the lion, is known for his blunt, straight to the point, and often controversial music. His content and language has thrown some Christians for a loop as he has played major Christian music festival, Conerstone, and though I can't agree with his content and language choice all the time, there are a couple songs that have really struck home and I think are good to hear. His voice, and soft, relaxing music are not soon forgotten, nor his story telling abilities. Transcontinental is a story in which the narrator gets ran over by a train, and tells us about the experience. Yeah, no theological message in this one, just a ridiculously fun song. To bad their is so much dirt with the gold... www.purevolume.com/pedrothelion

On and On- Kevin Max
Although this former DC talk member seems to be forgotten quicker then Tait or Toby, I would say Max is my favorite of the three. His music is by far the most original. On and On is an amazing love song "You are an island, I am the raging of the sea, You are a Fortress, and I am abandoned, you are the valley, you are the bird that flies so high, you are a temple, and I am a beggar" Lyrically Max is amazing, and with a voice like that, you have to wonder why we haven't heard more of him

Priceless (For Eleanor)- Copeland
"I need you like the dragonfly's wings need the wind, like the orphan needs home once again, like heaven needs more to come in. I need you like you've always been." this is a beautiful song. All of Copeland's music is what I would deem "pretty" music. Its like candy for your ears. And not that cheap candy they throw at you during parades. This is the delicious candy you find in a candy shop, the kind that you have to close your eyes and smile as it rests on your tongue. Imagine your aunts special fudge at Christmas. Copeland is fudge....really good fudge.

Bold Son- Aaron Espe
For me, this song completes what furtherseemsforever's lead the way began. Both these songs are incredibly important to me. Though it takes great surrender to allow Christ to lead the way in our lives, it takes trust to boldly follow him. "So don't be timid, don't be cold, be bold son, be bold son." Aaron Espe is from my home town, and a great guy. Perhaps the fact that I know the guy contributes to my love of his music, but you can be the judge...(he's going places, just wait, I'm telling you...) www.myspace.com/aaronespe

Fly- Jars of Clay
"Be Still let your hands melt into mine. The part of me that breathes when you breath is losing time. I can't find the words to say I'll never say goodbye. I'll fly with you through the night so you know I'm not letting go. I'm not letting go. My tears like rain fill up the sky. Oh my love, I'm not letting go, I'm not letting go." I view this song as God's love song to me. He gave this to me over the radio on a night I desperately needed it. This song reaches deep into my heart, and I thank God for such a gift.

This World- Cademon's Call
"This world has nothing for me and this world has everything. All that I could want and nothing that I need." Cademon's call and Derek Webb both are artists I greatly respect. They speak messages that Christians desperately need to hear.

other amazing songs

Those words are not enough- Relient K

What is Love- Pax217

I'm not alright- Sanctus Real

Learning to Breathe- Switchfoot

We're very greatly loved- Half-handed cloud

Did i step on your trumpet?- Danielson

Autobahn- Anberlin

Jesus' Blood- Delerious?

Wait for me- Rebecca St. James

At the Zoo- Simon and Garfunkel

play-dough heart

words can't match feelings
reality can't match dreams.
Its not what i had hoped for, I'm not what I had hoped to be.
frustrated when the image in my head doesn't match the strokes on the canvas.
And in it all, in this all, have I become jaded and dry?
When things aren't as they should be, when you fail me, when you miss my plan,
do i just give up?
When you touch my play-dough heart, does it crumble?

or is there hope?

Take my heart. press your thumbs in.
mold it, shape it, form it.

stamp it with trust.

More strokes will join those on the canvas, and the invisible ink will show itself, and a captivating picture will one day fill my eyes.

but it will be your picture, not mine.

can you tell i'm wearng makeup?

I just downloaded 61 songs legally for absolutely free! I'm tickled pink and I don't even know what that means...

Its snowing outside. That's pretty ridiculous.

So I have been thinking a lot lately about the nature of humanity, and perhaps more specifically, the church. You know, the church looks so beautiful. We are airbrushed, and glossed people. Fake plastic Christmas trees made to look perfect, we are the spotless bedroom with all the crap shoved in the closet. We hide all our dirt under the rug. Why is it that so often the church feels it must live a fake life? Why are we afraid to reveal our ugly sides? Like a record gone bad, we enter a pattern we can't escape from. We try to look as perfect as we can, hiding our faults from those we call brother and sister, so we can compare to their fake perfection. We put up firewalls, and blockers to hold away eyes that could see the real us. But that's just it, we are all fake, plastic, dyeing, choosing to give up life. How hard it must be to join the church when we make it a place for demigods. Only those who have reached this level of "godliness" are welcome. We have made church a club rather then a hospital. We are thespians with the church our stage, and we play our roles so well. We expect the world to come running to us, instead of sending our ambulances out to them, and when a dyeing person comes crawling to our doors we worry and whisper about the blood they are getting on the carpet. I never liked fake Christmas trees. They have no fragrance. Sure, with the real thing, there are some bare spots, and the needles fall, but they are real! Why can't we be real with each other? What is our fear? Why do we lie to each other and to God saying that we are ok, or try to make ourselves more lovely then we are? That didn't go well for Ananias and Sapphira. This is not intended to be a jaded tongue lashing towards the church, to my family. I count it a blessing to be one with the bride of Christ. This is a reminder to us all, to wash off the makeup, remove the corset, stop holding our breath, and just let the belly hang out. No more wigs, no more toupee's, just the real deal. We all have our ugly parts. We all have bad hair cuts. We all have toe fungus, patchy beards, and strange rashes in strange places, but we are real. If we are brothers and sisters in the beauty of Christ, lets be real with each other relying on his beauty rather then our airbrushes. Realize that you are beautiful, because he made you beautiful.

Im Not Alright

If weakness is a wound
That no one wants to speak of
Then cool is just how far we have to fall

I am not immune
I only want to be loved
But I feel safe behind the firewall

Can I lose my need to impress?
If you want the truth, I need to confess

Im not all right
Im broken inside
And all I go through
It leads me to you.

Burn away the pride
Bring me to my weakness
Until everything I hide behind is gone

And when Im open wide
With nothing left to cling to
Only you are there to lead me on

Honestly, Im not that strong

Im not all right
Im broken inside
And all I go through
It leads me to you.

And I move closer to you

Im not all right


thats why I need you --Sanctus Real

missing the big picture

Dom and I had a conversation about contentment the other night that got me thinking. I don't find myself to be a very content person, and this bothers me alot. I told Dom how I can see God, and this is true. I see God in lots of things. he drops me little reminders when i'm out for a walk, or when i'm reading or talking with a friend, or driving in my car. yet, still I'm not content. I hear God too. I hear the things he tells me to do and to not do, and though I hear his voice speaking to me, it is so hard to obey. then Dom, in his wisdom said, "Ty, maybe you don't see God." huh? of course I do. look at creation, look at the beauty all around us. Can i not see God in this? God is so big. there is nothing profound in this statement, just a simple truth that can never be grasped. Sure i see God, but yet, I still don't see him. I don't see him in his "bigness". If i could see the great plans he has for me, see him in all his glory, then there would be no way I'd be discontent. there would be no reason to struggle for obediance, and foolishly alow my feet to walk my own path rather then hike the adventure that God has layed out for me. how can one know God's will, yet still avoid it? It defies all logic, yet poses as the only logical thing to do. obeyig a invisible God doesn't seem to make much sense. seeing an invisible God doesn't make much sense. and yet, its the only thing in life that does make sense. and so, the struggle continues. Whom will i love first?

Truth and relationship

As Christians do we sacrifice the truth we know for the sake of relationship sometimes? This is a question that I have been letting sit in my mind for the past few days. As a youth ministry worker, and youth major at school, I am beginning to think that this is an area that Christian's often struggle with. We know the importance of relationship, and we hold it up as what ministry is. After all, is it not in close relationship that we build the trust and foundation in which we can best share God's truth with others? But even so, I have just acknowledged that this relationship has the purpose of sharing truth. So really, our main objective is not the deepness of our relationship,but rather the truth we are speaking into another person's life (youth pastor into youth, for example). Sometimes this truth hurts, and will create distance in, or even destroy a relationship with the person we are speaking truth into. Yet, it is my belief that if you are sacrificing truth for the sake of a relationship, then the relationship is not healthy in the first place, in fact in some aspects, the relationship has already been destroyed. It is a relationship based on fear, rather then truth. We are scared that God's truth might just sound a bit to harsh, and if we teach it, without smoothing off the edges a bit first, without glossing over the stuff that could possibly offend, then we may just lose our opportunity to speak into this persons life at another time. But when we do this, when we water down God's truth for the sake of saving our friendship (or mentoring relationship in the case of youth)we are stepping out of our role. Our role is a role of trust. We must trust that in presenting God's full truth; the unabridged, and dare I say it, sometimes offensive truth, that He will speak into that youth. If that person is offended and walks away from the church, it will be the work of the Holy Spirit that will bring that person back, not us. We are also making the implication that this young person is to weak and unwilling to stand in God's firm truth. If we are implying this, then we are implying that God cannot give this person the strength he or she needs. It is foolish for us to wonder why so many people, especially young people are unwilling to stand up for their Christian faith, when we have taken the strength out of it, when we have watered it down. We make God's sword into a dull butter knife. Who, in all human existence, has ever wanted to stand up for weakness, for the easy route? We preach tolerance before truth, false friendship before God honoring relationship. Christ in his love, never sacrificed truth in order to bring people to himself. We too must also recognize that if we want to truly build God honoring relationships,real relationships of love and trust, then we will, and must offend others at times for the sake of speaking into their lives. We cannot reflect Christ without being offensive.