Monday, July 18, 2005
Yesterday I went to a very beautiful wedding. Two of my lovely friends were married, Luke and Lindsey. I am very happy and excited for the two of them, and there families. I love the phrase "tie the Knot" because that is exactly what you are doing in a Christian marriage, a cord of three strands is not easily broken, and when Christ is the center of a marriage, what a strong cord! How exciting, I pray blessings on them. As I was eating cake after the wedding I got bored and started fidgeting, that's just kinda what I do. I took the dinner mints from the table and made a happy face on the cake on our table, because, yesterday was a happy day. People kept on banging there cups with cutlery so that Luke and Lindsey would have to smooch. I thought that must have been getting rather old, how would they have time to even get a bite of cake in? I decided that at my wedding some day, when people start banging there cups trying to get us to smooch, on the second or third time, I'm just going to spit a big clump of cake into my wife's mouth so that everyone will be to grossed out to hit there cups anymore. I like cake and I want to enjoy it. Wedding cake is for minutes, marriage kisses are forever. Eric said that was a good idea so he'd do it to, but I told him that was plagiarising and that I would get married first so he couldn't copy me. He admitted that he didn't really want to. Tina got married on the 8th. I thought it was going to be a very difficult day for me. I was scared because I was counseling at bible camp and there was no way to block the thought, I work with her brother, and one of her best friends, there was no way for me to block the fact that they were leaving the camp to go to her wedding. It turned out to be a relatively painless day. God has given me great peace, a lasting peace. Some of my campers asked me how old I am and when I told them I was twenty, they didn't believe me. So I milked it a bit and told them I am married too, with five children. When I said that one of the campers chimed in, "na-uh, your girlfriend is getting married tomorrow." wow,...ouch, I thought that one would sting, especially coming from a eight year olds mouth, but instead I laughed, I mean, crap, that is dang funny, like the best insult ever, and I don't even think he realized it. I am very happy for Tina, and I pray blessings on her and Corbin, I am sure that he is a wonderful man. I have been praying for a long time that Tina would find a man that would love her more than himself and less than God, and if God answered my prayers, as I'm sure he did because that's just what he does, Corbin is just that man. I've been praying for Corbin too. Today I talked about wandering from God with my youth group. That really doesn't sound like it'd apply in this blog, but it does, I'll show you. See, we talked a bit about the prodigal son and his wandering away and hitting rock bottom. He was so low that he was feeding pigs and desiring the slop he threw to them. That itself is revolting, but when you consider that in his faith, he's not even supposed to touch pigs because they are unclean, it puts his lowness in a new perspective. In the end though he went back to his father and his father ran to him with open arms. What exactly was the young son seeking? I would say fulfillment. That is what we all seek. That is where these two ideas mesh. Lately, I have greatly wondered about intimacy. I see all my friends around me getting married, so many even younger than I. I can't help to wonder when my time may come. I can't seem to help but think that I won't find fulfillment until I'm holding the hand that fits mine perfect. And you know, I've been looking for fulfillment in all sorts of pathetic, empty places lately. Its crazy how I seem to think that being a Bible camp counselor and a youth director will automatically give me spiritual strength and health, but in truth I have felt so dry and full of guilt for the stupid things I've done lately, that I have detested those very titles and positions. I can't find what I am looking for in a sinful life. I can't find what I'm looking for in another person. But thank God, I am finally realizing what I've known all along, the only fulfilling intimacy, the only joy I will find is in my Fathers arms, he alone holds true intimacy. I just have to choose to go to him, and hallelujah, he's already running to me.