"But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give a reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect." 1 Peter 3:15

Saturday, September 10, 2005

my hearts longing cry

I've heard it said that everyone changes,
then why do i stay the same,
I want you to mold me,
but i feel like a dried up clump of playdough
my brain is scattered and scared
i cling to familiarity, and long to be new
change me from this oxiMorron
mold me beautiful, make me a portraite of your face for the world to see,
dump me from this box, pull off the plastic
its time to breathe

Friday, September 02, 2005


Wow, what a summer I've had. I've been stretched, challenged. I've learned. I've grown, I've failed, I've conquered. I've laughed, I've cried. I've charged, I've retreated. I've resisted, and submitted. It will be a summer I won't forget. Though I didn’t walk with God every day, he walked with me every moment. Yes, this Summer was amazing, so I thought I’d share the most memorable moments.
The grass eating contest. We couldn't think of anymore games to do at camp so we had two minutes to see who could fill their mouths with the most grass, yanking it from the ground with our teeth. I gaged and came in second, Troy won.
Getting a call from on of my best friend, Shawn, who is serving in Iraq. I miss my brother, I pray he comes home safe.
John Snorting cottage cheese at camp after i told him jello is snortable.
John sneezing out cottage cheese from the other nostril that he snorted from.
Peeing in a Fabreeze bottle with Jeremy and Eric and "marking our territory".
Spilling our Fabreeze bottle on my hand.
Inventing the Pocket monsters game with my little buddy Issac, Troy and Marcy's little boy. I'd pull my pants pockets inside-out and whip them at him growling and yelling, iiiittts tthhhheeee, Pocket Monster!!!!! then he'd try to grab them and he'd bite them, and ocasionally slug my in the danger zone.
Issac walking up to me and putting his hands in my back pockets or chewing on my shirt. Four year olds like to do that i guess.
Rolling in the Dirt with Issac to see how dirty we could get, and him putting sand down my shirt and calling it mosquito ticks.
John and I hiding in the full dunk tank during councelor hunt with our clothes on, and then hiding in the dusy fire pit after we were all wet.
teaching the "game for life" to my youth group.
All the girls swooning of Andrew all summer at camp.
James driving over an hour to camp at 3 in the morning just to prank us with the recording of a bob cat outside our cabin doors and scaring the girls into thinking that they were attacked by demons...."the latest theory...."
camp girls msning me weeks after camp insisting that we were attacked by a bear or somthing.
John telling our campers that poison ivy travels up a urine stream.
my campers stealing my keys, ductaping me, stealing my clothes, and running my dirty underwear up the flag poll.
John telling me that it was a good idea for me to have "strategicly placed my dirty boxers out for the campers to run up the flag poll as he showed me the poison ivy he recieved from his "clean" boxers that the campers got hold of.
Devos led alongside my bro John, and all the other counceling guys.
Late night conversations at Sr. High camp.
Lunches with Pastor Scott on Mondays
Running cable through the ceiling to my church office (the church library) with Josh and Siah and then finding out it didn't work, and going to dairy queen to heal our misery.
Coming back and fixing it realitivly easily, and going back to dairy queen to celebrate.
Going thrift shopping with the youth group and finding the coolest shirt ever for about a quarter...really it is, very sweet.
Playing hacky sack with the boys at church.
Discovering the largest dragon fly I had ever seen and watching him eat the swarm of mosquitos we were standing in. we played games with him for awhile and I named him Trogdor.
Watching Dana(dude in my youth group)lead a group of young ones in a bible study, cool stuff, great guy
James lighting his fart, telling dumb james stories and trying to bring his large poop back to the cabin one night so that he could show it to all of us.
Troy sneeking up behind James in the bathroom stall and scaring him so bad that he splashes toilet water all over in the process.
Josh (youth grouper) playing his acordian in the morning to wake us up at camp. it was beautiful.
One of my campers telling me that he has poison Ivy in the worst imaginable spot.
Cleaning the camp bathrooms with my servant hearted sister and mother before the camping season.
Watching the most beautiful meteor shower as John and I layed out in the soft grass of the north field and shared our hearts, brother to brother.
finding out that my Ex-girlfriend was getting married.
Watching Luke and Lindsey stare so intently into each others eyes before saying the big "I do".
Taking dinner mints and makeing a happy face on the cake at our table for the reception after Luke and Lindsey's wedding
Being part of the doggy pile of all the guy staff at camp, Troy, Eric, Adam, Me, and John, and yelling "owe, my belt buckle" because i was in panic and wanted out (belt buckle was an excuse, i admit)
Playing the Trust Fall game at camp
Supper manning a jump over the "electric fence" during the electric fence game into all of my wonderfull friends arms.
Getting a free car from Danna and his family because they knew i was in need, what an answer to prayer. It was Dannas for a day before he gave it up.
Makeing a youth group movie with our own special effects. The matrix, we entered the matrix.
Making Fire taffy at bluewater by starting laffy taffy on fire and eating it as it burns, then burning my finger.
Sitting in the beautiful woods at bluewater and reading Gods gift to me.
Finding a screw in my mashed potatos at a church meal....i won't say what church or what meal.
One of my campers saying, "no your not, your girlfriend is getting married tomorrow!" when I jokingly said I was married as my young campers asked me how old I was and didn't believe I was twenty.
Getting my hair cut on a boat dock after youth group one night and James almost shooting my sister with a potato cannon. I flipped out!
Watching Barlow girl, the Afters and By the Tree at the fair,...one of the barlow girls smiled at me, i'm pretty sure of it.
Playing indian poker with tom during our break from concert set up.
Telling stories to the little ones at church.
Little Evan sitting next to me every sunday at church and all the hugs he gives me every week.
Telling one of my campers to yell out "Andrew, your mom brought your rash ointment." as Andrew hit on the life gaurd at the beach. that camper made me proud.
Getting poison ivy on my feet after having the capital idea of portaging the canoe through the woods instead of just paddleing it to the beach.
Playing some tennis with Josh (youth group dude, pastors son) and Siah (nother youth group dude) and wacking worms with our tennis rackets, and paintballs
Starting "Primal Displays of Affection" with john in which we'd go around and punch, bite and growl at people as we said, Primal display of affection!
Taking a poll of how many of us think Andrew is severly attractive and then reporting it to the lady's Andrew is hitting on down at the beach. 9 out of ten is not bad at all, Andrew. I love you bro.
Playing junk wars with john and freaking out as teddy flew closer and closer.
Starting all sorts of new Pookie games...capture the pookie, ultimate pookie, duck duck pookie...
Troy ball
Nukem, tyler style, even though I was the one person that didn't like tyler style
One of the soccer camp kids writing "I love men" on my soccer shirt, and then Christina adding "wo" with and arrow for me. Very sweet of her.
Starting a job in a church and being so scared i could hardly sleep at night.
Hearing Chad (youth group dudester) sing at his baceloreate, wow, what a voice!
Watching Roxanne( youth group girl) get baptized along with so many special people from our church. way to go Roxanne, you done me proud.
Ahnica and Chelsea (youth group) so incredably excited to council at bible camp for the first time, and expressing that to me, very cool.
Siah jumping off the shed roof and falling in the fire pit. ouch.
Watching the soccer team much of my youth group is in dominate with a shut out at thier first game. very beautiful. i wanted to dance like a monkey, but it was cold outside.
Young friend of mine hitting me up for advice on women....poor guy, if he only knew who he was talking to.
Scoring a goal at soccer camp, yes, i did, it was fun.
Entering my art at the fair and getting some nice cash (six dollars!!!!!!!!) and some winning ribons.
Eating sandy's food. I miss sandy's food, i miss sandy.
Watching Jack, Troy and Marcy's other son (two years old) pose like a model for my camera.
Praying with one of my campers after he accepted Christ for the first time.
Every time Jack or Issac would come to me wanting to sit in my lap.
Watching several campers raise their hands as Pastor Scott asked them if they would like to ask Jesus into thier hearts.
Chad duct taping a cinder block to my feet and then carrying me into lake of the Woods ovr his shoulder to the "huh?..." of several confused onlookers.
Late night Msn convos with my college friends.
Late night convos with my youth group friends.
Youth sharing their hurts and struggles with me.
Youth Sharing their excitement and Joys with me.
Reading two Ted Dekker novels and forgetting everything else important. Addicting!
Driving to Bluewater sucessfully by myself, after getting lost once or twice...or a lot more times than once or twice.
Conversations with John.
watching a dragonfly fly backwards.
Councelor meeting times.
Having dunking contests with little paul from camp and my bro Nick at Bluewater.
Sleeping on top of my car in a busy parking lot while waiting for my mom and sisters. they shop slow.
Playing halo with the youth group. I'm going to change my screen name to Buck, because they kill me so much.
Youth group guys throwing fire crackers at me and laughing histarically.
Reading proverbs
Renaming lake bronson, Hell's loogie.
Bathing from a half drank water bottle when the water was turned off before the wedding.
Watching troy this summer and seeing what it trully means to be a man after Gods own heart, and wanting that.
spitting on james from the tower.
Persecuted church at lake bronson.
Watching this beautiful finch land on a grass weed and following it. it was as small as a humming bird, and so beautiful.
Putting duct tape racing stripes on my car, and reputting duct tap racing stripes on my car. red duct tape fades fast.
Reading Matt's email to Clint on what he thought should be put on the SMAC web Page. Hot or Not profiles on the Something More About Christ Web page could have been quite cool.
Doing the trust walk with my campers, and almost falling off a picnic table.
entering a deep conversation with John in the shower room as we are getting dressed, ending up both in tears, hugging each other and praying. I'm in a towel and John is only wearing pants, and then one of our campers walks in, says, "Hey guys...(startled silence)........whens devotions?...." I didn't think of what that could possibly have looked like until later.
Dairy Queen Runs with the youth group.
Watching MST3K Manos, Hands of Fate with Eric. worst movie ever...
Going to Grand Forks with Eric, Danna, and Aaron to See the New Star Wars and going to the little boys section of Target to buy star wars tees to wair to the movie.
Visiting Chris and talking youth director to youth director with my youth director. we had really good coffee that morning and really good burgers that noon.

Wow, what a summer it has been. thank you God, for your continuing blessings. I will always praise you