Broken

Don't sweat the small stuff...wear deodorant

One thing I have struggled with in my faith over my past few years in college is deciding where it is that I stand on certain issues within the church. All of those things that people seem to either have a strong opinion on one side because of several great reasons backed by scripture, or the other side because of several great reasons backed by scripture, and then the other group who doesn't have a strong opinion either way and feels horribly guilty because of it. And of course, you always have a few who really don't care. These are the issues that can't be painted as black and white as I may want them to be. Was the world created in six days? Can women lead men in a church? Are men really spiritual heads? Is their great importance in speaking tongues? Should churches be lead by a pastor? Should Christians listen to secular music? Is their such thing as secular in a world created by God? Do men and women have different gender roles? Is masturbation pure evil? Should Christians fight in and support war? Should Christians allow evil dictators to rule in this world? Is it OK for Christians to drink or smoke? Is it wrong for Christians to shop at Wall mart? Should Christians be involved in Politics?

These are some questions I have heard raised by Christians. Some of whom have opinions as strong as stone. Others who haven't a clue what to think. And those who simply don't care, and choose to stay that way. I myself have developed some pretty strong opinions in some of these areas, others I am still searching, and dare I say it, some...well...maybe I don't care as much as I should.

The thing that I have noticed as I went off to this school of many different Christian backgrounds and people from all over the world is that there is lots of different thoughts then I may find back home in my small town, Minnesota church. I've discovered that I respect many people very much on both sides of several issues. I deeply admire their faith and commitment to Christ. I also admire their desire to stand up for something they believe in.

There is one issue in particular that I have been struggling with for the past few years, desperately striving to see where I stand. I have been reading books about it, and listening to other people whom I respect share their opinions on it, and (this is really important though it seems easily forgotten, sadly) I've even read a few bible passages on it (and will continue to read more), and I thought that I had came to a conclusion...but now I am not so sure. Faith is a development, and it seems to develop rather slowly.

For the first time in my life, I am beginning to see things with different eyes then my parents (that doesn't often happen. I've always wanted to "make my faith my own" by beginning to see things in a different light then my parents, but that's really hard to do when you think your parents are generally right in what they believe). I find it rather intimidating to disagree with pastors, professors, and parents when I respect their knowledge and wisdom. But a spoon fed faith will continue in infancy until it chooses to decide what it believes on its own.

There are a few things I have learned in the struggle of finding where I stand in different issues. First. It is a big deal. Yes, I know. I'm supposed to say it really isn't a big deal, it doesn't define our faith, and that is true,...but it is still a big deal. If it wasn't a big deal, we wouldn't still be hearing sermons preached on gender roles, or news broadcasts on schools teaching intelligent design next to evolution. though these issues aren't "salvation" issues, they still are issues that greatly affect a person's faith. Some people come to faith in Christ because of the way other Christians have viewed these very issues, a view that another Christian may completely disagree with.

Second, I've learned that Christians can be brutal to each other. It is so easy to tear down another Christian who thinks differently, to belittle that person's belief (which often feels like belittling the person), or make their faith appear weak or foolish. For people who are supposed to be characterized by love, we sure throw a lot of knives at each other. And that is the scary thing. These are important issues because they are tied so closely to some Christian's faith. When we belittle a Christian for thinking differently then the way we do, we may very well be attacking something that is key in their faith, something that helped them come to Christ, or remain close to Him. And yes, they are not the most important issue. Jesus said our most important commandment is to love him, and second, to love our neighbor. It is through loving our neighbor, that we show our love to God. Instead of focusing on unity in Christ, it becomes incredibly easy to focus on disunity in opinion. This is one of the most dangerous areas for a Christian to be. Christians fighting against Christians, what could make Satan more ecstatic?

Last, I have learned that it can be easy to sit in the middle of the road, not deciding what it is I want to believe. But I don't want to do that. I feel it is important to decide where I stand. It is in the small (but still important) things that we make our faith our own. Though these issues should never separate us from others, they should none the less remain important pieces of our lives.

Paul says in Philippians 1:7 "...it is right that I should feel as I do about all of you, for you have a special place in my heart. You share with me the special favor of God, both in my imprisonment and in defending and confirming the truth of the Good News."

We as Christians hold a great truth, the truth of the Good News of Jesus Christ that we must confirm to others and fight to defend. But it is the truth of Christ that we must defend. Though the other stuff is important (and our opinions are worth defending), we are focusing on the shiny quarter sitting on a thousand dollar bill when we focus all of our energy on defending the small stuff before focusing on defending the true treasure, our unity in Christ.

So, I will push to come to my own conclusions in all areas until the day I die, not settling to be unsure. But as I do that, As Paul did before me, I will hold my brothers and sisters in Christ in a special place in my heart, remembering that they share God's special favor,...no matter who they voted for in the last election, or which kind of church they attend.

Sex

I've been thinking a lot about sex lately. I know, that doesn't sound so great. I probably should do some rephrasing, but I won't because I said what I mean. I have had sex on my mind. It really shouldn't come as a shock to anyone. We've all heard that statistic (that no one could ever really prove) that says guys think about sex every ten seconds. I don't know if it's true or not. I don't even know if guys think about sex more then girls do. God created man and woman with sex in mind, and God put it best when he looked at his creation and said, "It is good." Sex is good. We are wired for sex, to desire sex, to create through sex, and to experience intimacy and love with our spouse and God through the act of sex. So why has sex become such a dirty hush hush word within the church? Why is it that every time I type the word sex i feel as if I am doing something a bit risque? Let me tell you why I think I have had sex on my brain. I just ordered a book by Rob Bell called Sex God. I haven't got it yet, so I can't tell you much about it, all I can say is that it is supposed to explore the links between sexuality, spirituality, and God. I thought it sounded incredibly interesting, and it really got me thinking, "How do these things connect?" The more I thought about it, it seemed to me that the bind between sexuality, spirituality and God is huge! God created man to have relationship with him. He created human beings, both male and female so that they could cleave to one another, becoming one flesh. This represents the oneness God has with himself (God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit), Distinctly three parts but somehow one. And then I thought of Christ calling the church his bride, and how He desires to become one with us. Did God simply create us as beings that cleave to one another in the union of marriage and sex so that he could give us the greatest possible example a human mind can grasp of what we as the church are to be to God? And then there is heaven. Could sex be a glimpse of heaven? Putting aside the sheer physical pleasures of sex as a "heavenly" experience, Heaven can be defined as perfect union with Christ. Since Christ chooses to call us his bride, it makes sense to think of sexual intimacy with ones spouse as an act this side of heaven that resembles our heavenly union with Christ. If all this is true, sex is a holy act, creating a holy union. It not only is a beautiful gift from God to married couples, but it is their gift to God as they reflect the relationship Christ desires to have with his church; intimate and close. It is astounding how we can reduce something so spectacular, beautiful, and holy into a course four letter word and a cheap physical thrill. No wonder hearts are broken, diseases are rampant, and minds are confused. God said the two would become one flesh, yet countless people are willing to share that "flesh" with anyone for the minutes of fun it provides, not taking into account the years of pain that result. No wonder we have a tough time talking about sex in the church. Sex has been belittled from something holy, to something trivial. Isn't it amazing? We've taken something beautiful that reflects God and the relationship he desires to have with us, something that is amazing, incredible and, well...fun, and then narrowed it down to simple bodily mechanics, a physical act, the frosting without the cake, and made it into an idol. The very gift designed to bring us closer to God is placed before him. So I guess I say all of this to confess, that I screw up. I lust. I more often then I wish to admit love sex for all the wrong reasons. I allow my mind, and my eyes to go places they shouldn't, but when I do, I take away the beauty of sex, and steal from myself the opportunity to one day express my love to God in this way and to the one he has saved for me. Perhaps you are sitting right beside me in this sinking boat. We all have made mistakes but just like the prophet Hosea, who took back his adulterous wife, God willingly and lovingly takes us back offering forgiveness and another chance. Christ said to the Adulterous woman in the New Testament, "Go, and sin no more." He knows that there is something so much better for us out there and he wants us to have it. Sex is good. Maybe we should think about it.

From the Inside-Out?

I have heard many Christians say that we are to love God "from the inside-out". I know that I have used this phrase as well. I was thinking about this line today, and I asked myself, why? Why are we to love God from the inside out? what does that mean? The truth is, I have no clue what that means. when I think about it, there is lots of Christian lingo that I don't understand, and if we don't understand it, why should anyone else. One of my favorites is, I want to be "authentic" in my faith, or "real", but I don't know if I am sure what that means either. I think that some Christian's idea of being "real" or "authentic" is swearing when things are going bad, because they aren't hiding their "real" feelings (I still don't know if this is ever really necessary, although I confess to letting a word or two fly when friends of mine are really down in the crapper), or spilling their guts out by sharing personal struggles from behind the pulpit. This is all fine and well in the right place, pastors need to do that from time to time, but I would argue that emptying your personal baggage on your congregation is more self serving then "authentic" community building. But enough of this tangent, this blog isn't about christian lingo, I want to focus on loving God from the inside out and why I think this can be dangerous terminology. What are some of the possible ways in which this line could be read?

I have taken a couple personality tests this year, and one thing that both seem to say is that I often think more quickly with my heart then with my head. I tend to think that in the current Western Christian culture, we are very feeling based. Recognize that I don't have any hard core evidence to back this up, this is just what, from my observation, I would believe is the case. In any case, I know it is often true with me, and perhaps you can relate as well. This is why I find the term "loving from the inside out" bothersome. When we talk about inwardness, we relate it to feelings. When we think about loving from the inside out then, it is easy to think of love sprouting from feeling. When we love on the inside, we show it on the outside. But, I think that perhaps this is a backwards approach.

Sometimes I don't feel like loving others, and in those times, I most certainly don't want to act in love to others. But I believe we really, REALLY need to examine our Faith, Hope, Love, Joy, etc. apart from our feelings. I won't always want to love others, but through demonstrating love to them in my actions (outwards), I learn to love them (inside). I won't always feel like believing in God, or trusting in him, but if I choose to remain faithful and follow him (outward) despite my feelings, I will slowly learn to put my trust in Him and recognize that He has my best interest in mind (inward). I could choose to be joyful, in the mist of great sorrow, whether I'm feeling happy or not. I want to learn to love my neighbor and my God from the outside-in.

Do you see him?

Me and Castro

I got a hair cut today, much shorter then I've had it in several years. This isn't necessarily a bad thing; I just have to look a bit ridiculous for a few days. For those of you who don't know, I am in a club called Hairy til' January here at school with a few other guys. We haven't shaved since Oct 1st, and aren't shaving until we all get back to school for the semester on the 8th. The beard wasn't so bad when I had my long hair; it looked cheery, as if I was a younger, slender, perhaps sickly Santa Clause. But now, I look like Fidel Castro. I'd rather not look like a dictator, but it does make me feel a bit more powerful...and likely to be assassinated.

A nonpost

I hope everyone is having a lovely Christmas break. I realize that I have not posted in quite some time. I don't often post when I don't feel like posting, and so you see that it has been quite some time since I've felt like saying anything. I guess that's the thing with a blog about nothing, sometimes you have nothing to say. but all of these nothings mean so much somethings to me. that was just a really stupid way of saying that I appreciate having this space to share things even if they aren't earth shattering, even though they are thoughts that have already been formed in the minds of others before me, even though my mind changes and the things I've said I may no longer agree with. My mind has been rather blank for quite some time, and it is hard to scrap up enough paint from an empty pallet to create something of beauty. Right now, I feel like my mind wants to say so much, wants to free itself by blurting everything in me out, but at this moment, I don't know how to do that, or what to say; and so, I deliver a nonpost. This is a post about nothing. but not really. there is something I wanted to tell everyone. I discovered that you can label your posts, and so now I've put the majority of my posts into different categories; those related to Poetry are labeled "Poems"-makes sense, i suppose. the categories I've created so far are poems, art, videos, incredibly random, quotes, and faith. feel free to browse through almost three years of blog entries by category.

I hate Technology, but love Janna

Here is a "photo" of Janna and I. For those of you who may not know, Janna is my severely attractive girlfriend. I feel very blessed that God saw it fit to bring such an amazing woman of God into my life. I am excited to walk with her, learn with her, and grow with her. She encourages and inspires me (and makes me a better scrabble player). My mom says that Janna must be an amazing girl, and that she must love me if "I could get a girlfriend while looking like that". I agree. Moms are good at speaking truth into the lives of their children.

A tribute to Niel

Today I woke up bright and early (though I don't know what it means to wake up bright, I'm always a bit "dim" in the morning), even before I was supposed to get up for church. The telephone woke me up right around seven, and it was for me. Now let me tell you a bit about telephone in dorm. You don't answer it. You especially don't answer it at seven in the morning. You think to yourself,"what is that horrible sound that woke me up? Oh, the phone. Frick, who is calling at seven in the morning? Someone else will get it." No one else gets it. They are all thinking the same thing. Then after 15 rings, you are thinking, "Frick, why isn't anyone getting the phone?" and you get ticked off at everyone else in dorm. Eventually the caller hangs up, but then calls again a couple minutes later. You let the system happen again. "Someone else will answer." But just when you realize that no one else is going to, you think "Hey, that phone has been ringing for about 4 minutes, I bet if I answer the caller will be like, "What the heck took you so long to answer the phone!!!" and will be all mad, and so you decide, I better not answer the phone or I'm going to get reamed out for answering so late. Eventually someone does answer the phone and walks grogily (grogily,...I like that word) into your room to inform you that your dad has been trying to get ahold of you for the past half an hour. This is what happened this morning.

Dad called to tell me that Neil Thiessen's funeral was today. eil is a man from my home church. He passed away this week from a heart attack. Neil is one of those guys who you couldn't look at without the corners of your lips rising. I've been away from my home church for more than a year, especially as I worked at my church in Worroad, so I haven't seen Neil for a very long while. I hopped in my car and drove home.

Let me tell you a bit about Neil. Neil radiated excitement and love for Christ. He was a man who could eat more then anyone I've ever met. He had one of those amazing voices. When I say amazing, I mean horrible. He couldn't sing a note, but it was a voice you loved to hear. When Neil sang "there's a hole in the bottom of the sea" or recited the poem "Hiawatha" at camp or at Men's retreat, you had dang better be paying attention, because it was going to be a good time. Some adult men in the church intimidate a young guy at times (not on purpose of course), but not Neil. He was one of those guys that you would look at and, just looking at him sometimes would put a laugh in your heart. I hope you can understand what I mean by this; its a compliment more then anything else. He was one of those guys you would look at and think "Oh Neil..." and you would think it with a smile on your face. All this being said, Niel was a very special person.

Last week was what I like to call a "Job" week. Maybe that's not fair to Job because his experiences were far worse then mine (and worse then any other person I know), but I had one of those weeks were every bit of news that was brought to me was bad news (Which also means the bearers of the news had a much worse week then me as well). Then I finished off the week with Neil's funeral. I had never laughed more at a funeral. It lifted my spirits, and filled me with joy. I left the church refreshed, and appreciating the beauty of people and life a bit more. I could see the beautiful blessing that Neil's life had been for all who knew him, and I thought of the beautiful life that he is living now; a life that as a Christian, I know I can look forward to. I thought of the lessons Neil's life taught; the importance of fellowship, sharing, laughter, and of course; a full stomach.

I said that I experienced joy at the funeral. What is Joy? Joy is one of those words that you cannot define until you have experienced it, and even then it's hard, but I think C.S. Lewis does a pretty good job. C.S. Lewis talks of joy in his book, Surprised by Joy,

…...it is that of an unsatisfied desire which is itself more desirable than any other satisfaction. I call it Joy, which is here a technical term and must be sharply distinguished both from Happiness and from Pleasure. Joy (in my sense) has indeed one characteristic, and one only, in common with them; the fact that anyone who has experienced it will want it again. Apart from that, and consider only in its quality, it might almost equally well be called a particular kind of unhappiness or grief. But then it is a kind we want. I doubt whether anyone who has tasted it would ever, if both were in his power, exchange it for all the pleasures in the worldÂ… (C.S. Lewis, 1955, 20).

Yesterday was a sad day, but sadness accompanieded by the joy of celebrating an amazing mans life here, and in Heaven. Thank you, God, for your gift of Joy.

Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a way you've never known before. But the ride always ends, and you end up feeling lonely and bitter. Wait. It's not love I'm describing. I'm thinking of a monorail.--Jack Handey

Thank you Jack Handey. That is all

Ode to Milk

oh dear milk, how beautiful you are to me,

you tame a mouthful of sweet, delicious torture.

companion of the cookie, mate to the brownie.

How could somthing sucked from a cow be so udderly devine?

you may be 2% but you are 100% in my heart.

gaterade may come and go,

cola will soon pass,

but our love endures, my sweet dear milk.

Won't you be my neighbor?

So today I decided that having supper up in the Sem lounge four flights up is a bad idea. I was thinking when i was on the first floor how funny it would be if somone forgot their silverware and had to go all the way back down to get it. Then when I got to the top, and told everyone how funny that would be,I realized that I did. Oh irony, you are such a jerk.

I remember watching Mr. Rogers as a child, and how as he approached the end of his theme song, he would sit down, cross his legs, remove his shoes and say, “Won’t you be my neighbor?” If only we all were as eager and willing to accept neighbors as Mr. Rogers. A man in the book of Luke Knowing that the greatest Commandments were to love the Lord your God with all your heart, and to love your neighbor as yourself, wanted to justify whom he should love so he asked Jesus, “Who is my neighbor?” Jesus responded with this story:

The dust was itchy in his eyes. It was a hot day, sun beating down on his back. His stomach was noxious from the up and down movement of the camel. Neither the air conditioning nor the radio in this camel was working. It was a pretty lousy trip. It was about to become a whole lot lousier. Hiding behind some rocks were a couple of thugs. They jumped him! Ripped him off his camel, stole his wallet, and ipod, tore off his American eagle robe, and Nike sandals, gave him a couple of kicks to the stomach for good measure and left him for dead in the gutter. Bloody, and bashed, he was looking pretty helpless at the moment. This guy didn’t have a hope, that is until a Jewish Priest walked by. If any one would help a hurting guy out, it would be him, right?
“Oh my goodness, this fellow is in some bad shape…what time is it?” He looks at his Rolex and realizes he’ll be late for an appointment if he doesn’t hurry.
“He probably got what was coming to him.” He huffs to himself, and looking from side to side to make sure no one else is around, he walks on.

Later a Levite casually moves down the road. He was headed to the temple to perform his duties no doubt, but a mound lying in the opposite gutter caught his attention.
“What is that?” He smells at the air? “Is, is that road kill?” He crosses to the other side to get a closer look, but when he realizes that it’s a man, and not some rotting animal, he quickly turns back to the other side of the road and continues on. Making sure no one steals his parking spot at the Temple is more important to him at the time.

Things were not looking good. The situation seemed as black as his bruised skin. A Samaritan walked on by. Now, in our books, “Samaritan” is a word that isn’t usually said if it’s not accompanied by the word “good”. A wise man once told me it would be like a North American saying the “Good Jihad Islamic Extremist Terrorist”, words that anger us when put together. The Samaritans were Scum to Jews. They were nothing more then mutts who had compromised their Jewish blood line by marrying into other people groups. Jews despised them. They would rather spend there time with brick walls then with Samaritans, if they could have their way. Yet it was the Samaritan who saw this man and took pity on him. It was the Samaritan who pulled out his first aid kit and put Neosporin on his wounds, rapping them with gauze and band aids. It was the Samaritan who took this Jewish man to the Holiday Inn, paid for his medical bill, and told the Keeper if the poor guy needed anything to put it on his tab. It was the Samaritan who showed love.

I find it interesting in this story That Christ chose someone his listener would despise to be the most neighborly. When Christ asked who was a neighbor to the man, his listener responded with “The one who showed him mercy?” as if saying “the Samaritan” would be too difficult to have pass his lips. Christ did this to show that everyone is our neighbor, and we are to love all people. I also find it interesting how it was the religious leaders who expected someone else to come along and care for the hurting. We are the church. Christ has called us to care for hurting people. Are we too expecting others to do the job Christ has given to us?

Matthew 25: 37-41 says,
"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'
"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

Do we realize that when we are looking into the eyes of a hurting person that we are looking into the eyes of Christ. Perhaps we should all learn a lesson from Mr. Rogers, accepting all people as our neighbors. This is what the Samaritan did. ‘“Then Jesus said, “Yes, now go and do the same.”’

catterpillars

Who eats sauteed catterpillars with his college professor? I do, that's who. that is all.

Bird crap, Jr. high girls, and future wives

I returned to school this week. I came back a few days early to hang out with Matt and to move my stuff in. When I arrived at school, I walked up to my dorm and noticed a sheet with a name on it sticky tacked to one of the doors. I got excited and read it thinking that it would be one of the guys in my dorm this year. "Gena Giesbrecht." I was a bit confused. I really didn't expect to have a guy named Gena in my dorm. Thats when I realized that Soccer camp was still going on and that I was in a dorm for jr. high girls, so I quickly removed myself, found Matt Shantz, and threw my crap in a room downstairs. My stuff sat in a total of three different rooms before Shantzy and I could actually move in last night. But it was a good time catching up with Matt, and bumping into a few other good people from school.

On Friday evening, we went out to Nuefelds place in the city and sat on his porch waiting for him to get done with work. we watched from the porch little boys and girls at a birthday party the house over. They had ponies! crazy. as we laughed at a little guy throwing grass at a little girl, a squwaking, morbid, bird flew into my face and pooped on my shoulder. This was my first encounter being hit in the face with a bird. its exploding feces landed on Matt too, but Nuefeld washed our shirts and fed us. what a guy.

Uncle Buck is a very funny John Candy movie. Eating candy while watching John Candy just seems to make sense.

I came back home today once again so that I can speak in church on Sunday, my last day there. what a nice happily ever after to the once upon a time I started over a year ago now with this church. my, how I am going to miss those people. what a blessing it has been. perhaps I'll blog on what I'll be speaking on sometime (Matthew 25: 31-45), but not right now. All I'll say is that I truly believe that this will be a passage close to my heart this year, one that I hope I can learn to live out, so that I truly can practice what I preach.

Probably the best part of going to school early is seeing the wish book before anyone else. the highlights so far,...The Thunder Brothers (could you have a cooler last name?) and picking out future wives for Matt and Mike. Shallow, perhaps, but still a good time.

So, school is here again. I am very excited. It is so cool to see growth in others and self. I can't wait to see what God has in store for Providence College this year.

Love is what separates us from the goats (Matt 25:31-46)

I just found this beautiful ministry and I encourage all of you to head over to www.myspace.com/towriteloveonherarms and check it out. Read through the blogs, especially the story that got this whole thing started. So encouraging, so inspiring. I can't think of anything that excites me more then seeing twenty somthings starting their own ministries and really loving the hungry, thirsty, sick, naked, and imprisoned. Here is a video clip for you to watch.



Know that you are loved. Know that God looks down on your hurting heart, and that He hurts with you. Believe. Believe that broken hearts can and will be healed.

a brain is no place for dynamite

Do you ever know precisely what you desire, yet wonder if its right. I mean, there are those times when we know what we desire is wrong. But what about those times when we just aren't quite sure? I suppose we have all faced this to a degree before, even if its as simple as wondering if we should take the last slice of pizza in the box, or if we should spend money on another cd after already buying two that month. These are the decisions that after a bit of thought, we can come up with a wise decision. But at other times, it is so much more difficult. Those times when your heart and your head disagree, when your voice can't be separated from God's or all the other voices in your head.

I'm in this boat right now. Its a really sucky boat. More of a raft, really. And no paddles. Out on rapids. Oh, and its held together by twine. Really old twine,...the kind you find in an old man's shed. An old, cheap man, who wouldn't bother to buy good twine, just so he can save a nickle. Yeah, pretty sucky. Is it that I just don't want to believe God's voice when I hear it because it contradicts my hearts desires? Is it that I won't allow myself to have what I want, or that I truly believe God has other desires for me? Is it that I'm thinking to much...Maybe not enough? I think I know the answer, but I'd love to convince myself otherwise. So, to all of my friends, will you pray for me? Pray for clarity, but even more so, pray for obedience, because clarity doesn't always make decisions easier.

Sometimes when the guys in my youth group are acting like dorks, I get angry and chop their heads off.

Thoughts

Coke Blak. What were they thinking? I bought a Coke Blak the other day to see what it was like, and I'm pretty sure that I'll by another one just because it was so horrible that it will be canceled within a month and go down as the worst soft drink concept ever. The bottles will be worth a pretty penny. Lots of pretty pennies, and maybe some rusty ugly ones too. You know, coffee is great stuff, and coke is pretty darn good too, but making a coffee flavored soft drink is a bad idea. Sometimes putting two good things together makes something great, like Dr. Pepper with berries and cream or honey and mustard (do not put honey mustard in your Dr. Pepper). I would gladly give my kidney to the person who thought of putting honey and mustard together...even if he or she didn't need it. The genius who invented honey mustard deserves three kidneys. But then sometimes, two great things only make something incredibly horrible. I love puppies, and I love pizza, but puppy pizza just doesn't work in North American culture.

I had a good day today. Many times when I go into the office at church, I have a tough time keeping my eyes open, because I'm just not the morning person type. But today, I stayed relatively awake and I feel I got quite a bit accomplished. I'm beginning to prepare my sermon that I'll share the day I head off to school, my last day at the church. I am really excited to be given such a cool opportunity, it will round off my experience at the church very nicely. I only fear that my message will be to basic, to simple. But then again, I think that the church needs to come back to the basic, the simple. Sometimes the basics, the simple stuff offers the greatest challenge. Be Kind to your neighbor. Love your enemy. Feed the hungry. Such simple commands, yet so hard to do. Great challenges. In my time at the church, I've been able to speak to and work with pre k kids up to College students, and now I'll be preaching. What a great gift God has given me in this last year.

Today I folded bulletins at the church, and I loved it! That may sound ridiculous, but sometimes I really enjoy those monotonous tasks that need to be done but require chimpanzee intelligence. Most of my work requires thinking, so its nice to rest the brain, listen to some music and let the mind wander on the things of God, the things of the day, or the dreams of tomorrow.

We've had VBS this week, and I've loved it. I pray God blesses me with the opportunity to have kids of my own some day. Its like they breathe out life. I don't think there is a time that I feel more alive then when I've got a kid on each foot, one on my back, and another in my arms. I could do without the light saber stabbing and the shoe hiding, but I guess that comes with the territory.

video recording and catch; two more great things that don't work well together

I am the Prodigal

Faith without works is dead. So what does that mean for a church with no faith or works? Does it just become a club? Where is the spiritual growth in 4-H or the Eagles club? Those weren't the Eagles wings I had hoped to soar on. When was it that I died? How is it that a man can forget to breath? In all honesty, its been awhile since I've spent time with God. I haven't really spent much time reading my bible or praying this summer. Well, lets be a bit more honest, I haven't spent much time with God this last year. I have read my bible, and I guess I have prayed. But I haven't really prayed in so very long. Really truly prayed. Conversed with God, sat down with my creator and friend, and talked simply because that is what friends do. I want to now God's favorite color. Is that strange, does that sound ludicrous? I think of high school sweethearts and the trivial questions they ask one another, and the meaningless beautiful answers that they treasure, as they learn each other's hearts. What is God's favorite color. Is there a flower he finds most beautiful? To be in love again, to run back to the love of my youth, to be intimate with God. I miss him.

My, I have been off the mark for some time now. Yet its amazing how long God's arms are, he still reaches for me. No matter how fake, no matter how far I've wandered off the path into the wild poison ivy, he still calls me, still holds out his hand. One word has broken into my ears this summer; Love. Maybe I'm beginning to remember that word, a word I knew long ago. Maybe I'm beginning to understand it for the first time...Maybe I still have so much more to learn. Christ's greatest commandments have been on my mind a lot this summer, whether I read about them in a book or hear a pastor preach on them, it seems that God wants my attention. "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and mind, and love your neighbor as yourself." I am a people pleaser, and no person do I strive to please more then myself. I quickly forget the order of those commandments. God rarely receives my love first and rarely do I love others as I love myself. Doug Fields applied this passage to youth ministry in how it is so easy to "love" youth first by creating extremely fun programs to attract young people, but forgetting to love God, growing in our own personal relationship with him first. Without a personal relationship with God, how can one possibly help others grow in their walk.

A pastor asked the question, how is it that we love God, and he pointed out how closely related these two commandments are, because it is through loving our neighbors that we show our love for God. How true this is. It works in a perfect circle; the more we love God, spending time in his word and talking with him, the more we desire to love those around us by serving them and teaching them of God's perfect love, and the more we show love to our neighbors, the more we are demonstrating our love for God through action.

I have become ritualistic in my ministry. Love is the ingredient I have left out, and I've wondered why its tasted so funny. I've made it about programs rather then people, and I've pulled bible studies out of the air rather then spend time with my first love, growing and learning how to teach and serve the youth at my church, my neighbors. When I was young, my greatest prayer was that God would give me wisdom, and a heart of love, but somewhere along the line I lost that, I stopped praying for these things, and I forgot to love.

But my heart is hopefull. God in his grace has put excitement back in my heart. It amazes me that he is so willing to use a flawed heart to proclaim his perfect message. I have a month left with my church. This month is a gift. Working in Warroad has been such a great blessing. It has been a time filled with many important lessons. But the greatest of these is love.