A toast to mr. Anonymous with a tall glass of Egg nog

Ahh, to be home! it feels quite nice. I do come home almost every weekend, but now I get to spend time with my family. I've got a pretty stellar family. Its kinda rough when you see your family every weekend, but you don't really get to spend any time with them at all. I can't wait to take my sisters out on dates and catch up on thier lives.

It finally feels like Christmas. before heading home, Em and I stopped at my ex-youth pastor's home. His little girl is so beautiful. One of the chubbiest/cutest babies i've ever seen. Her teeth are beginning to pop out. Its strange when kids grow up even without me watching them, suprises me every time.

The General took on a new battle scar. apparently he didn't like driving over a snow bank a whole lot, but mud flaps aren't that important anyway. It was nice driving home knowing I could stay home. the trees were amazing. I felt like I was driving through a wintery Narnia. Snow is so beautiful.

Some fine young gentleman has been giving my sister, Lyss, one Christmas gift a day to celebrate the 12 days of Christmas. Its kind of exciting, I'm not going to lie. I was always a little scared of guys being interested in my sisters. I thought I'd actually have to start working out or somthing. I don't know what I was scared of though, amazing people attract other amazing people, and Lyss is definitly in the top five most amazing people I know list, so of course she'd attract a quality guy. I give this guy an 11 on a 10 point scale. the best part is he was number 1 on the very short list of guys I would allow to express interest in Lyss. God is good, what can I say. he's smooth to, holy crank! poetry, flowers, chocolates, and humor, and this is only the fifth day! You got to love a guy with such class and good taste in women. I sulute you Mr. Anonymous. Wow,I'm begining to feel like a teenage girl at a slumber party talking about boys, this is rediculous.

This christmas will be great. I've got a plethera of books to read. I'm sure I'll tell you about those later. Top of the list right now, is a bit of Ted Dekker, Blue like Jazz by Donald Miller, and Captivating by John Eldrege. And drawing, I can't wait! I got some new Christmas music, it'll be nice to sit down with a cup of tea, some "yule be sorry" Christmas music, and a pencil and just see what comes out.

Can't wait to see Hondo and Erdawg. And John Kelly. Lauren's belly will be showing quite a bit by now. maybe the baby will even kick. I'm going to talk to the baby so she can know "Uncle" tyler's voice ahead of time. yeah, the kid and I will be tight. Ah, christmas break is going to be hectabeautiful. I have got to go catch up on a couple Alias episodes. I could use some eggnog right now...

The prince in the pauper

I love those moments when words mean more than they have before. When simple truths become profound. When promises become real. Our God is a good God. Oh, how my finite mind trys to grasp His infiniteness. My hand can't even palm a basketball, how silly to try to grasp His hugeness. Yet He takes my hand! The fact that He is beyond comprehension makes me desire Him all the more. Restoration. Why would the great God of the universe, Creator, King, Ruler with an Iron rod, why would He want any part of me. How can the Greatest desire this? I am broken, flawed, fallen, scrapped, graffiti-covered, poisoned. I am mean, bitter, angry and sad. I am valued. Why? When He could just start over, why does He continually, restore me. He restored me then, he restores me now, and on and on He goes. I'm like the teddy who's button eye fell off. A little boy doesn't want mommy to so the eye back on for his sake, but that teddy may be able to see once again. God restores me. He Restores me, because He loves me. I can see again. My eyes were wet under the eyelids. The warm water pushed its way out. I tried to hide the tears, but they fell, my soul's offering sliding down my cheeks. I wiped them away, hiding their truth in my heart. Such a simple truth. Such a profound mystery. I am Joyful, I am excited, I am His, I am Restored! My Redeemer Lives!

Who am I?

I was talking with a friend today about who we are and when and where it is that we are our “real” self. The other day I wondered about this. Are we most ourselves in those situations that we are comfortable and suited for? It’s at these times that I feel like I am truly myself. But what about those times when I’m not in my forte, when I’m not in my ideal situation? It seems that it is these times that are the most frequent. They are the difficult times when I must strive to be a man of God, when I must strive to be the same man I am in my ideal surrounding. Which me is the real me? When looking at Job, was he the prosperous man that he was before God allowed everything to be taken away, or was he the man that cursed the day he was born…or was he both. God counted Job as a man of righteousness, and he was blessed following all his torment. He never cursed God, and loved God despite the circumstances, though he hated them and thought God was being unfair. I’ve never, and probably never will face the excruciating agony that Job faced, but there will be times and situations throughout life that I am incredibly comfortable with, and others where I feel out of place, uncomfortable, or down right hurt in. I believe we have a choice. We can choose to be our “real” self, our best self in those ideal moments and places where we truly feel like ourselves, those places we feel we were designed for, or we can choos to be our "real" self in any situation, giving of ourselves to God no matter how hard it is, ideal or not. Growth takes place in the ideal, but the ideal is temporary. We can grow in those places of awkwardness, those places of, “It’s nice, but it’s sure not (insert special place here)”, and those places of pain as well (pain is a good teacher). It’s these places that we face far more often, giving us a much greater opportunity for growth. I don’t want to be a one dimensional Christian, only giving my best when I’m in my best. I want to take the gift of my ideal surroundings when I’m in them and offer myself up to God in those, and I want to give myself to God when I’m surrounded by the less then ideal as well. I want to be one person, not many. We are made up of many parts. I am made up of good and bad, kindness and cruelty. God is One; His character doesn’t conflict with itself as all human's character does. I recognize that I’ll never be able to be completely the same person that I am here (wherever here may be) as I am somewhere else or in some other situation (wherever that may be). I change like the seasons just as every person does. This truth must be recognized, but that shouldn’t stop me from striving to be my best, the person God designed me to be, at all times, and praising the God who is the best at all times.

collapsed

I used to be an optimist. but every now and then things look so dark. I was the kind of guy that thought DC talk would get back together again. Sometimes life hurts. You are torn at the seems. mind exploding. past pains attacking. frustrations annoying. Searching in all the wrong places for comfort that cannot satisfy. Guilt punches you in the eye, while shame takes a kidney shot. You feel like everything is collapsing down on you all at once, leaving you lying in a pile of rubble, breathing in the dusty air, enveloped in the pounding heat of a pain thats more real than life. blackness hits.

Daddy, hold my hand. I need to know that you love me. I need to see you smile at me. Are you proud of me?

I don't care if the cup is half full or half empty, If it be your will, I'll drink it. give me the strength to drink it. I just need your help to tip it down. How I long to be Bold! But I feel so timid, so timid.

I feel you. Thank you for your warm hug. heating up the darkness.

Sometimes life seems so dark, but you'll flip the switch soon enough. I still think DC talk will get back together one day.

Canvas

What do you want for me?
with this brush in my hand, I paint out the picture of my day.
Don't want to use others to erase my past hurts,
brushing away their shavings from my canvas.
such a predictable piece.
its selfish, drawing in the lines, scared to leave them.
Scared to paint what's really true.
where's the excitement?
the wonder?
Its been done before.

You want something new for me.
your brush is your breath.
you paint the picture I never could have seen.
colors I've never seen, joy I've never felt.
each stroke changes me
you paint heaven in my heart
dampening the brush with your tears, you hurt for me.

My life is your canvas.
I so desperately want to smudge it.

This is not mine, it is yours.

Create in me a clean heart O Lord my God!

Modern day Pharisee

Hey hurting world on the verge of death.

I'd look at you, but my own life is just a mess.

I cry for the scrape on my finger,

while you lie with your broken limbs.

I ask God to save me from my pain,

While I sit here in my sins.

There is no time to help you,

I got to save myself.

I contently dream of heaven,

and forget that you'll go to hell.

It'd be crazy to leave my comfort,

politically incorrect.

So I won't tell you about my savior,

I'll let you go to heck.

After all, I'm a christian,

this is about me and Christ.

Jesus already saved me, why should I have to pay a price?

I'll read my self-help books, read my bible, and I'll pray,

but I won't tell you about my savior, the one, the truth the Way.

Wouldn't want to offend you,

since you are comfortably lost.

No, I'll let you wonder, and then pay the greatest cost.

My mind is so cluttered

with girls, my job, and school,

so why, oh hurting world,

would I take time to think of you?



Content as a white washed tomb,
with beauty on the outside,
and dead and dark within,
Dear Jesus, please save me!
I don't want to live in this sin.
Give me a heart for the hurting,
A passion for the lost.
Let me surrender my whole self,
whatever be the cost.
Let my life be an open book,
Oh author of my soul.
I want to let others read Your story,
wherever you send, I'll go.

The General was thirsty

You know how people kind of need water to live? Oil is kinda like water for cars. I discovered this last week. My car was very thirsty. I guess, I don't really think about those kind of things because I don't drink a whole lot of water. Anyway, I started to drive home for the weekend and my car was sounding rather sickly. In fact, the night before, I had gone to Winnipeg with a friend and we brought a cell phone because it sounded like there was a small animal carcass stuck in my engine or something. If cars could have strept throat, my car definitely needed his tonsils out from the sound of it. So, I was driving home and my speedometer wasn't working. I don't really care when that happens though, it usually doesn't work. Its kinda fun that way because then I have to guess how fast I'm going and sometimes it will start working all of a sudden so that it will jump from zero to 70 mph just like that. It makes me feel like rambo or something, all the power. 0-70 in one sec is pretty freakin awesome. Frigging awesome if I may say, but this night my needle jumped up to 60, then started falling again and bouncing all over the place so I didn't know what the deal was. Craziness. I put The General (that's the name of my car) into cruise, but cruise didn't obey me. I didn't have to push down the gas pedal anymore, but I definitely wasn't going at a constant speed. The gas pedal was going up and down below my foot without me pushing it. This was around the time that I asked myself why a demon would waste its time possessing my car. I thought that maybe I should head back to school and grab a cell phone so that I wouldn't get stranded on my way home, but when I pulled over, The General croaked on me. I turned the ignition, but the only thing that happened when I turned it was that all the lights went off. Yeah, it pretty much sucked. I got out of the car and told The General to open wide. I don't know a whole lot about cars, so popping the hood didn't really help a lot. Plus it was already dark out, so I kinda just said, "yeah, looks pretty dark down there....pretty sure I have no idea what's wrong, but I can guess it probably looks pretty bad." I climbed back in my car, and was about to pray when a cool stranger, a good Samaritan, or as I like to call them, a good Jihad extremist al Qaida terrorist (that's what a Samaritan would have looked like to a Jew when Jesus told the story, it makes sense, just ask my Prof)came along and gave me a ride all the way back to Prov. Long story short, check your oil often. The general is dead, he needs a heart transplant. Much good came out of this as well though. The other day I found a drawing of me and my smoking car sitting in my mail box with a loonie taped to it. I laughed so hard, it made my day. I'm pretty sure that's the coolest thing I've ever had in my mailbox, besides the dead frog, but that's still way cooler then the dead frog. I wish I knew who gave it to me, because whoever it is, is truly a very special person. How kind, how considerate. The best note I've ever received, and it had no words. Also, what a story. One of my friends told me that I could probably at least get a good sermon illustration or two out of this. I think I got a comedy sketch and a sermon illustration. I told you at the beginning of my ramblings how as humans we all need water to live, and how to a car, Oil is that water. When the mechanic called me, he told me that my engine was deceased. It's dead. The only thing its good for now is a boat anchor, or a really hard pillow. It fused together. There is no hope, no life in it. We become the same way without water. There is no life in us without water. Jesus Christ is our living water. Without him we do not have the life that we were created to live. If the Living Water doesn't saturate our lives, if we don't check up on our spiritual health on a regular basis we'll end up being about as healthy as The General. It appears The General has fought his last battle. That doesn't have to be us. Continue to fight the good fight that our Lord has called us to.

Love blind?

Is love blind? I don't know if i believe it is. Infatuation is blind, I am quite sure of that. Thats when everything that special someone does is beautiful and everything that person does can be justified in your mind. If I was fully infatuated with another person i could justify her slugging Santa Clause in the face for kicks and giggles and think "how cute." Well, maybe not, but it would take alot to make my eyes see the error of her ways. Infatuation is blind, but is love? I think we confuse infatuation with love a lot of the time. if we trully love someone, we would probably see the error of that persons ways, confront them about that error, and choose to love them despite it, whether they decide to turn from it or not. God has chosen to be "blind" of our sins if we have accepted Christ into our lives. I realize that I don't know if I fully understand what that means, but I know when God looks at me, he doesn't see a sinner, he sees his child, thanks to a Savior who loved me despite the "error of my ways".

Successful obedience

What do we strive for in life? I asked myself that question the other day, as I examined myself. I came to the conclusion that what I've been striving for, what most people probably strive for, is success. What does success mean to a Christian? When I look at myself as a youth leader, I believe I have been striving for success in this area, but success is so hard to define. What is a successful youth ministry. Is it one that brings youth to Christ, one that sends them out into the world with a new mindset and focus on Christ so that they can make a difference? What role do I play in all of this? Can I change the mind of a youth? Can I make them accept Christ. Some times as youth leaders we try to kick the Holy Spirit out of the equation, and try to find our success in His work. We have no power over the hearts or minds of youth, only God can penetrate those areas. I don't want to strive for "success" any longer. I can not succeed in an area I have no power or control over. Striving for this success will lead me to a brick wall. Instead, we all must strive for obedience. When I die, let people not say that there was a successful man, no, I want them to say, "there was a man of obedience."

my hearts longing cry

I've heard it said that everyone changes,
then why do i stay the same,
I want you to mold me,
but i feel like a dried up clump of playdough
my brain is scattered and scared
i cling to familiarity, and long to be new
change me from this oxiMorron
mold me beautiful, make me a portraite of your face for the world to see,
dump me from this box, pull off the plastic
its time to breathe

Summertime

Wow, what a summer I've had. I've been stretched, challenged. I've learned. I've grown, I've failed, I've conquered. I've laughed, I've cried. I've charged, I've retreated. I've resisted, and submitted. It will be a summer I won't forget. Though I didn’t walk with God every day, he walked with me every moment. Yes, this Summer was amazing, so I thought I’d share the most memorable moments.
The grass eating contest. We couldn't think of anymore games to do at camp so we had two minutes to see who could fill their mouths with the most grass, yanking it from the ground with our teeth. I gaged and came in second, Troy won.
Getting a call from on of my best friend, Shawn, who is serving in Iraq. I miss my brother, I pray he comes home safe.
John Snorting cottage cheese at camp after i told him jello is snortable.
John sneezing out cottage cheese from the other nostril that he snorted from.
Peeing in a Fabreeze bottle with Jeremy and Eric and "marking our territory".
Spilling our Fabreeze bottle on my hand.
Inventing the Pocket monsters game with my little buddy Issac, Troy and Marcy's little boy. I'd pull my pants pockets inside-out and whip them at him growling and yelling, iiiittts tthhhheeee, Pocket Monster!!!!! then he'd try to grab them and he'd bite them, and ocasionally slug my in the danger zone.
Issac walking up to me and putting his hands in my back pockets or chewing on my shirt. Four year olds like to do that i guess.
Rolling in the Dirt with Issac to see how dirty we could get, and him putting sand down my shirt and calling it mosquito ticks.
John and I hiding in the full dunk tank during councelor hunt with our clothes on, and then hiding in the dusy fire pit after we were all wet.
teaching the "game for life" to my youth group.
All the girls swooning of Andrew all summer at camp.
James driving over an hour to camp at 3 in the morning just to prank us with the recording of a bob cat outside our cabin doors and scaring the girls into thinking that they were attacked by demons...."the latest theory...."
camp girls msning me weeks after camp insisting that we were attacked by a bear or somthing.
John telling our campers that poison ivy travels up a urine stream.
my campers stealing my keys, ductaping me, stealing my clothes, and running my dirty underwear up the flag poll.
John telling me that it was a good idea for me to have "strategicly placed my dirty boxers out for the campers to run up the flag poll as he showed me the poison ivy he recieved from his "clean" boxers that the campers got hold of.
Devos led alongside my bro John, and all the other counceling guys.
Late night conversations at Sr. High camp.
Lunches with Pastor Scott on Mondays
Running cable through the ceiling to my church office (the church library) with Josh and Siah and then finding out it didn't work, and going to dairy queen to heal our misery.
Coming back and fixing it realitivly easily, and going back to dairy queen to celebrate.
Going thrift shopping with the youth group and finding the coolest shirt ever for about a quarter...really it is, very sweet.
Playing hacky sack with the boys at church.
Discovering the largest dragon fly I had ever seen and watching him eat the swarm of mosquitos we were standing in. we played games with him for awhile and I named him Trogdor.
Watching Dana(dude in my youth group)lead a group of young ones in a bible study, cool stuff, great guy
James lighting his fart, telling dumb james stories and trying to bring his large poop back to the cabin one night so that he could show it to all of us.
Troy sneeking up behind James in the bathroom stall and scaring him so bad that he splashes toilet water all over in the process.
Josh (youth grouper) playing his acordian in the morning to wake us up at camp. it was beautiful.
One of my campers telling me that he has poison Ivy in the worst imaginable spot.
Cleaning the camp bathrooms with my servant hearted sister and mother before the camping season.
Watching the most beautiful meteor shower as John and I layed out in the soft grass of the north field and shared our hearts, brother to brother.
finding out that my Ex-girlfriend was getting married.
Watching Luke and Lindsey stare so intently into each others eyes before saying the big "I do".
Taking dinner mints and makeing a happy face on the cake at our table for the reception after Luke and Lindsey's wedding
Being part of the doggy pile of all the guy staff at camp, Troy, Eric, Adam, Me, and John, and yelling "owe, my belt buckle" because i was in panic and wanted out (belt buckle was an excuse, i admit)
Playing the Trust Fall game at camp
Supper manning a jump over the "electric fence" during the electric fence game into all of my wonderfull friends arms.
Getting a free car from Danna and his family because they knew i was in need, what an answer to prayer. It was Dannas for a day before he gave it up.
Makeing a youth group movie with our own special effects. The matrix, we entered the matrix.
Making Fire taffy at bluewater by starting laffy taffy on fire and eating it as it burns, then burning my finger.
Sitting in the beautiful woods at bluewater and reading Gods gift to me.
Finding a screw in my mashed potatos at a church meal....i won't say what church or what meal.
One of my campers saying, "no your not, your girlfriend is getting married tomorrow!" when I jokingly said I was married as my young campers asked me how old I was and didn't believe I was twenty.
Getting my hair cut on a boat dock after youth group one night and James almost shooting my sister with a potato cannon. I flipped out!
Watching Barlow girl, the Afters and By the Tree at the fair,...one of the barlow girls smiled at me, i'm pretty sure of it.
Playing indian poker with tom during our break from concert set up.
Telling stories to the little ones at church.
Little Evan sitting next to me every sunday at church and all the hugs he gives me every week.
Telling one of my campers to yell out "Andrew, your mom brought your rash ointment." as Andrew hit on the life gaurd at the beach. that camper made me proud.
Getting poison ivy on my feet after having the capital idea of portaging the canoe through the woods instead of just paddleing it to the beach.
Playing some tennis with Josh (youth group dude, pastors son) and Siah (nother youth group dude) and wacking worms with our tennis rackets, and paintballs
Starting "Primal Displays of Affection" with john in which we'd go around and punch, bite and growl at people as we said, Primal display of affection!
Taking a poll of how many of us think Andrew is severly attractive and then reporting it to the lady's Andrew is hitting on down at the beach. 9 out of ten is not bad at all, Andrew. I love you bro.
Playing junk wars with john and freaking out as teddy flew closer and closer.
Starting all sorts of new Pookie games...capture the pookie, ultimate pookie, duck duck pookie...
Troy ball
Nukem, tyler style, even though I was the one person that didn't like tyler style
One of the soccer camp kids writing "I love men" on my soccer shirt, and then Christina adding "wo" with and arrow for me. Very sweet of her.
Starting a job in a church and being so scared i could hardly sleep at night.
Hearing Chad (youth group dudester) sing at his baceloreate, wow, what a voice!
Watching Roxanne( youth group girl) get baptized along with so many special people from our church. way to go Roxanne, you done me proud.
Ahnica and Chelsea (youth group) so incredably excited to council at bible camp for the first time, and expressing that to me, very cool.
Siah jumping off the shed roof and falling in the fire pit. ouch.
Watching the soccer team much of my youth group is in dominate with a shut out at thier first game. very beautiful. i wanted to dance like a monkey, but it was cold outside.
Young friend of mine hitting me up for advice on women....poor guy, if he only knew who he was talking to.
Scoring a goal at soccer camp, yes, i did, it was fun.
Entering my art at the fair and getting some nice cash (six dollars!!!!!!!!) and some winning ribons.
Eating sandy's food. I miss sandy's food, i miss sandy.
Watching Jack, Troy and Marcy's other son (two years old) pose like a model for my camera.
Praying with one of my campers after he accepted Christ for the first time.
Every time Jack or Issac would come to me wanting to sit in my lap.
Watching several campers raise their hands as Pastor Scott asked them if they would like to ask Jesus into thier hearts.
Chad duct taping a cinder block to my feet and then carrying me into lake of the Woods ovr his shoulder to the "huh?..." of several confused onlookers.
Late night Msn convos with my college friends.
Late night convos with my youth group friends.
Youth sharing their hurts and struggles with me.
Youth Sharing their excitement and Joys with me.
Reading two Ted Dekker novels and forgetting everything else important. Addicting!
Driving to Bluewater sucessfully by myself, after getting lost once or twice...or a lot more times than once or twice.
Tubing.
Conversations with John.
watching a dragonfly fly backwards.
Councelor meeting times.
Having dunking contests with little paul from camp and my bro Nick at Bluewater.
Sleeping on top of my car in a busy parking lot while waiting for my mom and sisters. they shop slow.
Playing halo with the youth group. I'm going to change my screen name to Buck, because they kill me so much.
Youth group guys throwing fire crackers at me and laughing histarically.
Reading proverbs
Renaming lake bronson, Hell's loogie.
Bathing from a half drank water bottle when the water was turned off before the wedding.
Watching troy this summer and seeing what it trully means to be a man after Gods own heart, and wanting that.
spitting on james from the tower.
Persecuted church at lake bronson.
Watching this beautiful finch land on a grass weed and following it. it was as small as a humming bird, and so beautiful.
Putting duct tape racing stripes on my car, and reputting duct tap racing stripes on my car. red duct tape fades fast.
Reading Matt's email to Clint on what he thought should be put on the SMAC web Page. Hot or Not profiles on the Something More About Christ Web page could have been quite cool.
Doing the trust walk with my campers, and almost falling off a picnic table.
entering a deep conversation with John in the shower room as we are getting dressed, ending up both in tears, hugging each other and praying. I'm in a towel and John is only wearing pants, and then one of our campers walks in, says, "Hey guys...(startled silence)........whens devotions?...." I didn't think of what that could possibly have looked like until later.
Dairy Queen Runs with the youth group.
Watching MST3K Manos, Hands of Fate with Eric. worst movie ever...
Going to Grand Forks with Eric, Danna, and Aaron to See the New Star Wars and going to the little boys section of Target to buy star wars tees to wair to the movie.
Visiting Chris and talking youth director to youth director with my youth director. we had really good coffee that morning and really good burgers that noon.

Wow, what a summer it has been. thank you God, for your continuing blessings. I will always praise you

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed citizens can change the world, indeed its the only thing that ever has." - Margaret Mead

now we're ready to look sooooo good!

This is my family and I looking so good.

A letter to my Love

I'm sorry I've been ignoring you. I've been so very selfish. It seems that I have become my number one fan lately and that I'll cattier to my every whim. Instead of talking to you and enjoying your presence, I have replaced you with a horrible addiction to TV and the internet the remote has become my best friend. You gave me that beautiful love letter but I let it sit on the chair collecting dust. I should be reading it at every minute letting every sweet word fill up my lungs, but instead I forget what it says. You call me a hundred times a day, but I never answer your calls. It seems that the only time I do talk to you is when I want something. You have been so very patient with me. You are so perfect, beautiful. I don't see why you put up with me. You should have dropped me, swept me under the rug a long time ago. I've cheated on you, I've deliberately disrespect you and went behind your back, yet you always forgive me and take me back. I am in love with you, I know that I don't show it well, but I will. I want to breath every word you say. I want to hold you tight. Your beauty is greater than a shower of shooting stars. Your kindness is softer than a bed of moss. You have the intoxicating and pleasant sent of a new born baby. I want to hold your hand forever, to melt into it. You make me want to walk on water for you. Dear Jesus, I don't want to fail you ever again. Take me back.

Love, Tyler

lights, camera, deception!

wow, i have been spamed! check out the comment on my last blog, its just a stupid advertisement for somthing, i don't even know what! thats crazy. i wonder if that works, advertising through blog comments. i'd just imagine that it gets people ticked off. "hmm....they are using my blog for thier own free advertising... ooooo lama insurance, sounds important, i think i'll buy some" i thought it was kinda funny, and i reallized that i have no idea how to erase comments so now everyone who wants can write a bunch of stupid stuff and i can't do anything about it! i don't care if its advertising, I like comments no matter what, I am a sick comment hungery crazed animal! Last week my youth group and I shot a bunch of cool video footage and played it in reverse so that it would look crazy awesome. we did all sorts of stuff that is impossible unless you are in the matrix. one thing we did for example was running backwards off of the roof of a shed and continuing backwards, then playing it in reverse so it looks like we are running and jumping up onto the shed. It looked pretty awesome, but one of the guys jumped off, ran backwards right into the fire pit and landed on his back. it was funny/not funny at all, because his back is in lots of pain. we did all sorts of crazy awesome stuff. my favorite was driving slowly in reverse as someone jumped onto the roof, rolled down to the hood, pushed off and ran backwards so that when we played it in reverse it looks like i'm crusing straight into a guy, clipping him at the knees, and driving off as he rolls up my whindshield. The video was great. it almost looked real. it was very decieving. I love illusions that appear real. David Blaine, David Copperfield, you know,...all those davids who are illusionists, i love that stuff! I could watch it for hours. When I was younger, i'd go to the library and get magic books and learn the tricks. then i'd do them for my family. Its very important to realize that not all things are as they seem. Not all decieving illusions are fun either. The greatest illusionist, the greatest deciever is not David Blaine, the Mind Freak, or David Copperfield. The Greatest Deciever is Satan, and hes been practicing for Thousands of years. But like all illusionists, if you study how he plays out his deception, you can catch on and not fall for his tricks the next time. In my NLT Study bible there is a little deal that talks about Satan's Plan. He uses Doubt first. If he can get you to doubt Gods word, he will get you traped. Next he uses Discouragement, you start looking at yourself and your own problems rather than at God. Then Comes Diversion, The wrong things just look so right, so appealing. next, he flips on you and uses defeat. Right after telling you, "Come on, its no big deal", he flips and says "What a horrible Christian! Man did you screw up big this time, God could never forgive you or look at you the same ever again. After that is Defeat, you feal like a failure so whats the use in even trying anymore. You are destined to be a failure so you keep on failing, there is no hope. And last there is delay. instead of running to God, to his word, and to other Christians to get back on your feet, you continue to live in the sin that Satan wanted you in, because you're just a sinner anyway...theres no way you could live the life God wants you to live. Lets look at an example. A young guy stumbles onto some Pornographic web site. He knows Gods word says that even looking at a woman with lustful thougts causes a man to commit adultry in his heart, but really what harm is looking at a few pixels on a computer really going to do. afterall, its just him and a computer, who is he hurting? Doubt. He thinks, I'm just a young guy, I'm not getting married anytime soon, my body is designed to want this stuff. I can't help it, its human nature. Discouragment. Besides, its fun, its exciting. My palms are sweating, my head is spinning. this is great! Diversion. Then it strikes. I can't believe i looked at this trash. what would my parents think! My pastor, my friends...My future wife. This picture is a woman, a person, not just an image...She was created by God, she doesn't deserve this. How could I fail God like this...I am horrible, i really blew it. Defeat. But then he does it again and again. He finally accepts that it must just be a normal thing, he really can't help it. maybe he really is just a failure bound to fail. Maybe he doesn't even mind. Delay. Satan. He loves to see us fall. He used the same tatics on Adam and Eve. I encourage you to read the story and see if you can find them being played out. (Genesis 3) Notice though that Satans first strategy is to get us to question God and Gods word. This is why its so important to place Gods word in our lives. Ephesians 6:10-17 talks about the Armor of God. the whole passage is about armor except for one weapon. that weapon is Gods word. ...take the Sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Eph 6:17 Without Gods word in our hearts and minds, when we battle Satan, we are just throughing punches, a four year old throughing punches at a football linebackers leg. we need a sword that pierces, cuts through the marrow, and wins battles. Satan doesn't decieve with cameras and mirrors, but God still gives us the strength to call his bluff.

Christianity without discipleship is always Christianity without Christ.
—Dietrich Bonhoeffer

I miss OK soda

you remember OK soda? i used to love that stuff, i wonder why they took it off the shelves, it was scrumptralescent. I miss it, dream of it sometimes. that and those candies that were kinda like jelly beans only looked like little rocks. This is just a random thought blog, i hope that is ok. I was thinking the other day how much fun it would be to be five years old again. I haven't watched sateday morning cartoons forever, and i am falling seriously behind on my ninja turtles. It'd be so cool to have no major responsibilties and to watch saterday morning cartoons, eat sugar cereal, and play with legos again. At the same time though, i am really begining to accept and even enjoy this whole growing up thing. I was thinking today how much i am really looking forward to being a father. how great will it be to watch ninja turtles with my boy, teach him how to throw a football, kick a soccer ball, how to treat a lady, read a book, tie a shoe, to read the bible to him and get excited about it, to take him on canoe trips, and camping trips. My goodness, i think i look even more forward to being a Dad then i do to being a husband. in fact, being a husband kinda scares me. I'm not sure why, maybe i'm just scared of getting into another relationship and getting hurt, i don't know for sure. I also started to think how i don't think i'd mind it a whole lot if i just became the "Uncle Tyler" you know, the guy who's not really related, but gets invited to all the family gatherings anyway because the family loves him so much. I got alot of great friends that i wouldn't at all mind being the "Uncle" Tyler to. You know what though, I am content right now. life is good. There are plenty of young ones that i can be uncle tyler to right now, and even though i'm not 5 years old, i am still young and got an amazing life ahead of me, God has blessed me with amazing friends and an awesome family. What more could I ask for. OK soda and some Ninja Turtles would be nice, but i'm not going to push it.

Crest Kid Shoes

I had a banana in my car for about three weeks. I didn't throw it out because I was kinda making it my mascot. I wanted to see how many people I could impress with my smelly rotting banana but then I realized that smelly rotting bananas aren't that impressive and my car smells like a garbage disposal now. That really has nothing to do with anything. I just got done with another camp. It was an interesting camp. Some of the girls named my bum. They named left side bob, right side Fred. I wish they could have at least came up with some more exciting names. But really, that has nothing to do with anything either. It was the most frustrating, wearing camp I've ever experienced, and that's saying something after being a peg leg for several days after soccer camp, yet its the camp that I've learned the most at out of all of them this summer. The campers stole my pants, they stole my shirt, they stole my boxers, my socks, they duct taped things to my car and then stole my car keys, they put tooth paste in shoes, they broke the trunk of my fellow counselor, and moved his car, they snuck out every night, they ran everything possible up the flag pole, and they blatantly disobeyed us on every occasion possible. We'd tell them to get to bed, it's a big day tomorrow, no sneaking out, its time to sleep,....They'd say, No. We'd tell them to be quiet and hit the sack, they'd say fall asleep so we can leave. They'd purposely disobey us as we watched. It was crazy! Then I had a realization. I was a Jr. High boy once too. And then I had an even worse revelation. I was becoming frustrated, discouraged, and even angry with my campers for their disrespect and disobedience, and I realized that I act the exact same way towards God. So often I blatantly tell God, No thank you, I'll do it my way. It was a hard pill to swallow, I think I'll be gagging it up for awhile. It was a challenging camp but in a good way. I love my campers despite there lack of obediance, and it is very awesome to know that God loves me despite my screw ups, even when i've purposly have been a jerk. Its not an excuse, but it is a relief. We are still called to make Christ the Lord of our lives, not just our Savior. Several campers accepted Christ into there lives for the first time, and it was so cool to pray with them as they cried tears of joy. Have you ever watched a jr. high kid cry tears of Joy before? My fellow counselor, John, and I are continuing to become better and better friends. He is such a good guy, and I am so blessed to have met him this summer, I know we have started a friendship that will last. One night when we were leading devos, all of the counseling guys shared how this has been the hardest summer of our lives. I can't begin to express how much of a relief that was for me. Maybe its that pain finds comfort in misery, maybe it was me realizing that I'm not as special as I thought, or maybe its that we are doing something right and Satan wants to see us fall on our faces. All I know is that I am very thankful for my friends and that I don't have to run this race alone.

True Intimacy and Spat Cake

Yesterday I went to a very beautiful wedding. Two of my lovely friends were married, Luke and Lindsey. I am very happy and excited for the two of them, and there families. I love the phrase "tie the Knot" because that is exactly what you are doing in a Christian marriage, a cord of three strands is not easily broken, and when Christ is the center of a marriage, what a strong cord! How exciting, I pray blessings on them. As I was eating cake after the wedding I got bored and started fidgeting, that's just kinda what I do. I took the dinner mints from the table and made a happy face on the cake on our table, because, yesterday was a happy day. People kept on banging there cups with cutlery so that Luke and Lindsey would have to smooch. I thought that must have been getting rather old, how would they have time to even get a bite of cake in? I decided that at my wedding some day, when people start banging there cups trying to get us to smooch, on the second or third time, I'm just going to spit a big clump of cake into my wife's mouth so that everyone will be to grossed out to hit there cups anymore. I like cake and I want to enjoy it. Wedding cake is for minutes, marriage kisses are forever. Eric said that was a good idea so he'd do it to, but I told him that was plagiarising and that I would get married first so he couldn't copy me. He admitted that he didn't really want to. Tina got married on the 8th. I thought it was going to be a very difficult day for me. I was scared because I was counseling at bible camp and there was no way to block the thought, I work with her brother, and one of her best friends, there was no way for me to block the fact that they were leaving the camp to go to her wedding. It turned out to be a relatively painless day. God has given me great peace, a lasting peace. Some of my campers asked me how old I am and when I told them I was twenty, they didn't believe me. So I milked it a bit and told them I am married too, with five children. When I said that one of the campers chimed in, "na-uh, your girlfriend is getting married tomorrow." wow,...ouch, I thought that one would sting, especially coming from a eight year olds mouth, but instead I laughed, I mean, crap, that is dang funny, like the best insult ever, and I don't even think he realized it. I am very happy for Tina, and I pray blessings on her and Corbin, I am sure that he is a wonderful man. I have been praying for a long time that Tina would find a man that would love her more than himself and less than God, and if God answered my prayers, as I'm sure he did because that's just what he does, Corbin is just that man. I've been praying for Corbin too. Today I talked about wandering from God with my youth group. That really doesn't sound like it'd apply in this blog, but it does, I'll show you. See, we talked a bit about the prodigal son and his wandering away and hitting rock bottom. He was so low that he was feeding pigs and desiring the slop he threw to them. That itself is revolting, but when you consider that in his faith, he's not even supposed to touch pigs because they are unclean, it puts his lowness in a new perspective. In the end though he went back to his father and his father ran to him with open arms. What exactly was the young son seeking? I would say fulfillment. That is what we all seek. That is where these two ideas mesh. Lately, I have greatly wondered about intimacy. I see all my friends around me getting married, so many even younger than I. I can't help to wonder when my time may come. I can't seem to help but think that I won't find fulfillment until I'm holding the hand that fits mine perfect. And you know, I've been looking for fulfillment in all sorts of pathetic, empty places lately. Its crazy how I seem to think that being a Bible camp counselor and a youth director will automatically give me spiritual strength and health, but in truth I have felt so dry and full of guilt for the stupid things I've done lately, that I have detested those very titles and positions. I can't find what I am looking for in a sinful life. I can't find what I'm looking for in another person. But thank God, I am finally realizing what I've known all along, the only fulfilling intimacy, the only joy I will find is in my Fathers arms, he alone holds true intimacy. I just have to choose to go to him, and hallelujah, he's already running to me.

I shot the Sheriff, but i did not shoot the deputy (don't worry, they're only air soft guns).